Triggers? Ah, no.
Conventional treatment programs and addiction “specialists” tell you to write down your triggers, as if there is some reason – some person, place or thing that makes us want to use. So, what makes us want to use? Um, let’s see, NOTHING. How about everything? The truth is that nothing makes us want to use. Once you turn yourself into an addict, that’s just what you do. You use. It’s a reflex.
Oh, there’s painkillers in your cabinet? Huh. I think I’ll swallow all of those, thank you very little… not like you really needed them or anything… definitely not more than I do.
Remove the obsession and there is no such thing as a trigger. It’s not easy, and it will require the power of God, most likely.
I’ll take a line from my book – Addicts should suck their thumbs so people can identify them.
At some point we cross over that invisible line, break our bodies, acquire this allergy, and once that occurs, every time we start using, we can’t stop. It’s that simple. Trust me, I don’t drink and get high because of my family, my friends, my anger, my depression, the nutjob babysitter who bathed me in an inch of cold water and sang Puff the Magic Dragon with her b.o.-ridden boyfriend, my alcoholic and withdrawn father, the guys who jumped me in college, the borderline girlfriend who made me want to stab my eyeball with a sharp object… and the list goes on forever. No one makes us want to use. And the dope doesn’t fly through the air and force itself up my nose. That’s a good one – It was right there in front of me! Anybody woulda’ done it!
God, help me to always remember that nothing makes me use other than myself…