Once we get involved in the Steps, we are forever changed. Even if we relapse, our buzz is never the same. Taking steps is the number one buzz killer if you ever relapse after embarking on the Steps earnestly. At that point, we are screwed. We can’t get high anymore but we also aren’t better. We end up suffering tremendously, like an idiot stuck in purgatory.

     So we have two choices…

     Keep drinking or using even though it’s no fun anymore, and hopefully we will finally die. Or two, start all over with the Step process, but the second time it’s much harder and we don’t have the euphoria we felt when we entered this mystical realm for the first time. The second time requires that we do the Steps while perhaps suffering all the way through them. Of course, this is all the better for anyone who relapses, because doing this work while suffering makes our foundation stronger and thicker.

     To note, this wasn’t the case with me. God touches us is different ways. For some, it is sudden. For some, it is gradual. For some, it comes after we fall a few more times. And for still some, it doesn’t come at all. Don’t ask me why… that’s just the way it is.

God, remind us that we need to put You first above all else if we are to remain free inside…