Unconditional love is spiritual in nature, not sexual, physical, or even emotional. Pure love of this sort often eludes us.
Relationships are, of course, not uncomplicated. They are sticky, chaotic and confusing. They mix us up and pull us in just about every direction. They test us and push us and teach us invaluable life lessons. They will bring us to our limits and force us to either evolve, or just run the other way. And while it is our responsibility to put ourselves out there and open ourselves up to each other, our greater responsibility is to be aware of the other person’s spiritual well being. If we can clearly see or just feel inside that they are suffering with us, then real love is letting them go. In my belief, true selflessness means doing whatever necessary to ensure the greatest spiritual health of others.
That being said, many of us may be good for each other. And we should know that relationships are hard work… especially for the addict or alcoholic. It’s easier for us to just break up, even after we get sober. But the harder way is to come home from treatment and give everything we have within us to better love our spouses every day, which means quietly enduring and lovingly accepting their pain, sadness, heartache, anger and resentment that has built up, bubbled over, or perhaps exploded on us after we’ve cleaned up. This is why they say that the living amends are the hardest ones. We shouldn’t run away from our spouses just because it would be easier to go off and be some lone spiritual warrior. Real strength means staying, facing it, facing our past, and working hard to make it better each and every day.