So Audi boy is the slicked out, ultra-conceited, ultra-entitled shithead speeding onto the highway the other morning in his S6 with tinted windows and custom rims… and we shouldn’t neglect the spiked hair. Even though we were driving through the homogenous, quasi-suburb of Beverly, Massachusetts, for a second I thought I was outside Scoozi on Newbury Street. Audi boy sped onto the highway so fast that he lost the wheel for a second and almost barreled right into us before pulling back and speeding off without a care in the world. It’s a good thing he was wearing five hundred dollar women’s sunglasses, as otherwise he may not have seen us in time. But that’s neither here nor there because this guy was way too cool to be bothered by a passing family. I mean, who are we to drive on his road? Who are we to get in Audi boy’s way? Whatever Audi boy’s doing is obviously way more important than anything else in the entire world. I mean after all, maybe he was on his way to a Jersey Shore audition.
Here is the ensuing resentment inventory I wrote:
1st Column (the object of my resentment):
Audi boy (name was actually much worse but for the sake of decency, Audi boy will do just fine.)
2nd Column (the specific resentment):
Pulls onto highway at mach 10 with his chick sunglasses on, almost killing my wife and 9-month old. (Slight exaggeration, of course)
3rd Column (what parts of me the resentment affects):
4th Column (My own self-seeking, selfishness, dishonesty & fear in the resentment):
*Self-Seeking: I repel vanity and exemplify humility. (i.e. I wanted to be seen that way. Usually we’re anything but the way we want to be seen.)
*Selfish: More than even protecting my family, I wanted Audi boy to know and feel how stupid he is. (to feed my pride & ego)
*Dishonest: (The truth is) Audi boy reminded me of myself, the self-worshipping part that I loathe.
*Fear: I fear confrontation. I’m afraid to love others.
God, teach me that Audi boy is in fact a great and wise teacher of mine…