Don’t toy with the Steps unless you are going to finish them, do them with 100% fearlessness and thoroughness, and continue with Steps 10, 11 & 12 indefinitely. Why? Because by getting involved in the Steps we are messing with something mystical. If we begin the Steps and fail to finish or simply allow them become secondary, we may rest assured that bad things will happen. Relationships will become impaired or break down altogether. We will burn bridges, connections, networks and support structures. We will have problems at work and at home. Things will stop working out for us as luck changes from good to bad. We will butt heads with other frustrated imbeciles out there in the world. We will lose our serenity, our peace, our clear minds, our focus, and our sanity. We will relapse.
We will even fail at relapsing, because once we open the door to God and the Steps, our buzz will be forever killed. We won’t enjoy anything self-destructive anymore, the way we selfishly used to. So unless we are willing to go all the way, we shouldn’t even bother starting. The Step process is a LIFE SOLUTION and it isn’t for the weak or faint of heart. It’s not for people who want to get sober to save their job or marriage or some other external thing. It’s for people who truly want to change, who want to evolve spiritually, who want an entirely new life path and purpose. It’s for people who want to grow up and who want to live a great life. It’s for people who want to repair the damage they have done and who want to give back in excess of the time they spent taking, stealing, abusing, manipulating, sucking, cowering, and being useless to the world and therefore a waste of natural resources.
There are plenty of half-ass, bullshit, remain-in-your-comfort-zone methods for those types. Forever selfish knuckleheads can just go to their meetings, chain smoke butts, take seroquel or suboxone, ignore their glowing character defects, and continue to be useless to anybody else. The only problem with never giving back is that we become even sicker (if you can fathom that), such that drinking and using drugs will become the very least of our problems. Spiritual torment and agony are far more brutal than going on runs and writhing in opiate withdrawals. Why? Because we are leveled by the bitter realization that our lives have become a waste and a failure, that we are running out of time, and that we will most likely wind up in some dark, horrifying place after we die… or perhaps come back to earth again, but next time we are twice as ugly, twice as stupid, and have no prospects whatsoever. Sure this may sound a bit over the top and no, I’m not a fundamentalist, but there should be no denying the weight of not EVER getting better.
So get better.
God, please help me to see those things that block me from You and Others…