Sometimes it can be difficult to see how we caused resentments that we have towards a more general trait or behavior rather than a specific event. Here are a couple examples I remembered from my original 4th Step. I added some additional answers to show that it’s not just one thing, though our task is to find the most honest answer for each category.
1. People who litter
a) They litter.
Affects my: Pride/Ambition, Self-esteem
*Self-Seeking: I am (want to be seen as) a model citizen OR I am a pillar of tolerance.
*Selfish: I want them to be like me, to think and act the way I do.
*Dishonest: They remind me of my own entitlement OR I take it personally, but because I don’t want to see the trash, not because I care so deeply about the environment.
*Fear: I’m afraid of confrontation (so I don’t do anything about it).
a) Gets anxious sometimes.
Affects my: Pride/Ambition, Self-esteem, Personal/Sex Relations
*Self-Seeking: I’m a hero of a husband… so why on earth are you anxious or upset?
*Selfish: Her mood takes me out of my comfort zone.
*Dishonest: Her anxiety reminds me that I’m not okay (otherwise I wouldn’t react to it by resenting her, which helps me avoid the truth about myself).
*Fear: I’m afraid to love her OR I’m afraid to swallow my pride, my pathetic construction of self.
The above resentment is, sadly, a perfect reflection of an addict’s childish and warped mind. To resent someone for suffering because it takes me out of my comfort zone, and then to get mad at them for doing so, is grotesque, to put it mildly, and beyond reproach. This is why addicts who don’t write an honest, fearless and thorough inventory don’t make it. 99% = 0.
God, help me to see those things that block me from You and Others…