Proud because of where I was and who I was and where I am now and who I am now.
Grateful because my darkness prompted me to reach out for something powerful, and what I found changed my life so dramatically that I can find nothing but gratitude. I am humbled by what happened to me up North, and what I have gained is worth the price of being a drug addict and an alcoholic. No, I’m not kidding.
Many of us and our loved ones fear the stigma we will forever carry around with us. According to such a fear, I have the “stigma” of having been a drug-addicted lunatic. It may or may nor bring you solace to know that none of my history do I consider a stigma, and of course, all that truly matters is how I feel about it, not the world. Plus I’ve found that by accepting and loving who and what I am, the world tends to as well (Law of attraction, if you will).
Sure when the moment came and I finally had to step into the light and become an ‘open book’ to recover, I feared the same. But what happened was just the opposite. Being an open book brought me freedom – freedom from having to lie, freedom from the weight of those lies, and a freedom that comes from acceptance of my past. Furthermore, the process I undertook to recover had such a profound effect on me that I couldn’t help but have respect and even gratitude for my humiliating past, as it gave me the fuel I needed to create the life I have now.
If the person we become is someone we love and respect more than the person we were, someone who stands with their feet on the ground and looks the world in the eye, we won’t shun our past but accept it confidently, and perhaps even be proud and grateful for it, as ridiculous as that may sound.
God, thank you for touching me that night, giving me power and removing my fear…