Someone close to me recently went to her shrink’s office to get a prescription refill. Her shrink wasn’t in so another shrink in the office sat her down, made her feel comfortable enough to open up, and then had her committed under chapter 123, section 12a of Massachusetts state law. The shrink knew nothing about the patient or her history, didn’t consult anybody (such as her doctor), didn’t bother to look at her chart, and seemingly acted with no actual knowledge of anything. So let’s have a little fun and define psychiatrist, since we have all but sunk back into the totalitarian kleptocracy we freed ourselves from 238 years ago.
Psychiatrist /səˈkīətrist,sī-/ (noun):
1. Someone who engages in delusions of grandeur, including but not limited to self-importance, self-brilliance, and self-worship, in order to abuse power believed to be real.
2. Someone who is damaged to the point that it becomes necessary to make projection of their own character defects a full-time job.
3. A quackpot who believes that what they do, such as randomly prescribing untested science projects on human patients as if they were guinea pigs, is an actual science, means anything, has a purpose, and helps people.
4. A quackpot.
5. A narcissist.