Not to be too blunt about it, but everything written on this blog is completely useless.
Sure we need a little knowledge to know what the hell to do, but 99% of actually changing, getting better, growing, attaining wisdom and enlightenment is in the DOING. All that I am, as far as my mental, physical and spiritual condition goes, is but the sum of the hours I’ve meditated, prayed, written inventory, read inventory, spoken publicly, worked with sponsees, helped my family, helped my friends, worked hard, paid my bills, loved my family, walked my dog and had some fun.
Being recovered has nothing to do with what I’ve learned or read or blabbed on and on about with a therapist. How ridiculous the notion that we can talk our way into recovery, when all active addicts do is talk. Have you heard us? It sounds like this: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah-blah-blah, blah, blah, blah-blah, blah, blah, blah. What could be more contrary to a solution for drug addicts than more talking, not to mention more drugs?
Now I’m laughing at myself, as the blog’s very existence seems to violate my own code and the true essence or meat of my recovery. In this sense, it’s all pretty useless. At the same time, there is a place for it, as I certainly had to start with a little knowledge and a little instruction and a little (lot of) bullshit extraction, if you will.
The point is that we will never recover or have peace inside without repeated action. Addicts set in a neutral position are actively moving backwards as problems begin to build up at an alarming rate. There is no floating for us. To think we can just live a normal life like others is false. If you try to just forget about all of this – forget about your growth, forget about helping others, forget about your relationship with God – you will begin to suffer almost immediately.
Addicts are either moving forward or backward. Unfortunately (or fortunately), that’s just the way it is. And if you’re an addict reading this, please don’t whine about it because taking right action is a small price to pay to not be a life-sucking, heart-breaking, soul-wrenching, money-leeching waste of natural resources 😉 Also, please don’t ask your loved ones for sympathy. They suffer too but don’t whine about it and pout like a baby until they get their paws on some sticky brown dope or a bottle of rot-gut shit. In fact, they suffer much more than we do because we are drug addicts and we are robbing them of inner peace and happiness. We are ripping their hearts out every single day. For all of you, ‘It’s not our fault, it’s our disease’ types, if that’s not the epitome of selfishness, I don’t know what is.
This is why talk therapy, groups, meetings, learning, knowledge, doctors and pills are so useless for drug addicts. None of this stuff is what actually gets us better. Words and ideas are but dormant seeds – devoid of power unless grown and cultivated via rigorous and repeated action. And if you are tempted to take Steps because it lifts you up and might give you a little spiritual ‘pink cloud’ buzz, remember that we ultimately do this shit just to keep us sane and because it’s the right thing to do. We cannot carry our selfishness into recovery. That’s the whole point of recovery.
God, please give me the power and the willingness to act on Your principles…