One of the reasons people read this blog is because I don’t care to appear a certain way or to censor my voice, and so I will do you the service of continuing not to care.
The people who say how harmful I am cannot indicate anyone who has actually been harmed, including themselves. So it’s not that I’m harmful to others, it’s just that that is the argument people use when they disagree, which of course means they are lying. To think something is harmful and for something to actually be harmful is the difference between fantasy and reality. Do you know how many emails I get from people who say (to put it lightly) how much this has helped them? I have no idea because I can’t count them all. Do you know how many emails I get from people who say how much this has hurt them? None.
TO NOTE: Non-addicts can do whatever they want to do, so don’t bother me about that, because this blog is really about drug addiction and alcoholism, in case you missed that part. But my strong belief is that no mood-altering drug, whether substitution or psychotropic, is good for drug addicts, which may be difficult to understand, but trust me, we are that fucked up. For some reason addicts lack the capacity to think straight about using drugs when we are taking mood-altering substances of any kind. Even if it seems like we are okay for a while, deep down we are not okay. We cannot truly become sane, and if we cannot become sane on the deepest level, then we cannot truly get better. You will never be able to convince me otherwise, and I have seen it hundreds and hundreds of times over the past ten years.
I know it’d be great if there were some magic pill for all of our problems, but there isn’t. Addicts are cursed (or rather, not cursed) to only achieve freedom and health through rigorous hard work guts, honesty, humility, fearlessness, service and selflessness.
So I written had a few pieces about the dynamics of psychotropic conditioning, but if nobody wants me to post them, I can just not write anything and we can continue to live in this culture of conformity and collectivism. Actually, screw all of that, here is the first one I wrote the other day after I received some accusations that my story and my writing and my life experience was hurting children.
Many don’t understand that addiction and mental illness cannot actually be cured with science and medication. These ailments are not purely biological and nuero-chemical, as much of our core problem is deep-seated and intangible and occurs on a spiritual level…
How dare I be so irresponsible and awful and say that medication fails miserably to fix an addict?
First, um, so everyone out there who has a problem with what I say is qualified to make decisions for other people when it comes to their brain chemistry? I can think some in particular who think it’s right to med-up small children and rewire their brains with powerful and untested drugs. See, now I think that is irresponsible, and sorry, but that sounds a little dangerous and a little elitist and is quite a bit different than what I do, which is simply to share my life experience honestly, but I forgot that under the current regime it is wrong in this country for people to think and speak for themselves. And secondly…
Because I have seen it hundreds, if not thousands of times and it all ends the same. I know of and have worked with hundreds of people, all who have tried to half-ass their recovery on methadone, suboxone and different concoctions of psychotropics and every single one of them has relapsed, some have died. None of them are sober and none of them have any sort of worthwhile condition or attitude, nor have any of them given back to their families properly, and by properly I don’t just mean respecting and helping out, but taking care of themselves and recovering mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually to the greatest extent possible.
I wrote my book and why I write this blog because I was considered one of those mentally ill, severely chemically imbalanced, med’d up zombies who some ‘top notch’ psychiatrists (lol) were convinced needed to stay that way because of an ignorant and false belief that chemical imbalance is static, i.e. permanent, and would always necessitate meds, and guess what? I failed every time, habitually lapsing back into depression and addiction. I never changed as a person. I knew in my heart of hearts that medication was never going to truly get me better from anything.
Medication doesn’t cure mental illness or chemical imbalance, it simply manipulates them temporarily. Sorry, but that’s the truth, and how is that so different from drug addiction? If we effectively rewire our brains with artificial doses of dopamine or serotonin, what do you think happens when we remove them? Our brain chemistry goes f’ing haywire, to put it softly, which then sort of enslaves us to our pharmacological regimen. Have we really solved our problem? Are we not still the same person?
Underneath the medication resides the totality of our pain and poison and spiritual illness. It rots us slowly as it bubbles and grows, ready to explode when the drugs are removed, at least it does for me. And all we have to do to see how profound our addiction and psychosis become when we go into withdrawal from these drugs is to read the label. Do you know how many psychotic breaks we could have in this country if supply chains were suddenly disrupted in an economic collapse and millions of people on psychotropics were suddenly robbed of their artificial neurotransmitters? Yeah, it wouldn’t look good at all, and I would def stay inside your house as the ‘purge’ begins.
What’s so sad is that the Establishment has managed to convince everyone that mental illness, chemical imbalance, and even addiction now cannot be fixed without pharmaceutical intervention, which is the one of the most tragic lies in the history of mental illness and addiction. Your brain chemistry is not static – it changes all day long, all week long, all year long, all century long… kinda like the climate.
What we really have is a life problem. Those who suffer from addiction and other things can’t seem to understand, fathom, accept or adjust to the realities of life. Sure there are some whose brains are severely damaged and lack the capacity to reason, feel, or be honest, but I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about people who are being treated as if they are brain damaged when they really just need to change.
And unfortunately, we have become conditioned by the hubris of doctors and therapists and teachers and other authority figures who don’t really understand human illness and believe we cannot fully heal ourselves by simply addressing the life/spiritual problem. They don’t really understand human suffering and healing. They also don’t understand the fact that God exists because they have become blinded by intellectual superiority and megalomania.
In fact, once I removed the medication and the therapy and the victim bullshit, once I stopped being a fucking wimp and did some real work on myself, my entire life changed and countless miracles occured. I have been touched and I have God and I give less than a shit what anybody thinks about anything I say, because this is knowledge that I have been given, knowledge that I have about myself and about addiction, and I’m sharing it to try to help you. There are some who appreciate that and whose eyes have been opened when it comes to the dark and confusing subject of addiction.
And finally, I care deeply about being totally honest as a person and about my experience, and therefore, these are facts and this is the truth. As well, I have written 339 previous posts, so there is tons of information here, and if you have suffered from addiction and alcoholism and mental illness as I have, trust me, you would understand what the hell I’m talking about.
God, please give me knowledge of Your will for me and the power to carry it out…