Wailing and Moaning

     So I have this relative who always whines about the same shit – his drunk dad, his insane and narcissistic mom, our successful grandfather who checks up on us, and our crazy grandmother who tortured us by speeding all the way home from ToysRus in her purple Pontiac (not kidding) after emptying her bank account to spoil us silly. By the way, her “monstrous” effect is not exactly relevant anymore considering she died 18 years ago, not that it ever existed to begin with.

     I wrote about his situation in an older post entitled, Knowledge vs Knowledge, but the point is one that needs to be re-emphasized and absolutely smashed into the brains of each and every alcoholic and drug addict. If you are still blaming someone or something from 18 years ago for your addiction, depression and failure, you have definitely passed the statute of limitations on that particular excuse. And, oh yeah, anything outside of yourself is an excuse, not a reason.

     He, like me, whined incessantly about not being comfortable, both inside and out, for every second of every day. So what did we do? We drank and drugged ourselves into a fucking oblivion, and continued to even though it came at the expense of others and even though every person on earth knows it’s wrong to abuse drugs and alcohol. We turned ourselves into walking dumpsters, moaning and wailing about how nobody knows, nobody suffers the way we do, nobody has it as bad as we do. Yes, I know, not to worry. It’s unbelievable. And it is delusional. We abused the shit out of ourselves until we were completely broken – physically, mentally, spiritually. That is how you become an addict.      

     Addicts are not innocent people who just suddenly became afflicted by some external virus of addiction beyond their control. I’m sorry, but my fellow addicts who believe that are totally clueless and will continue to hurt others and to somehow rationalize or justify their drug use. And I hate to say it, but our loved ones have also been spun if they buy into all of that bullshit.

    Just because we now have a physical illness, we cannot simply assume that addiction is a disease beyond our control like other diseases. In fact, quite the contrary. Becoming an addict is not beyond our control, and quite frankly, it is sort of incredulous to assert otherwise, as if our addiction is somehow written in stone. Nobody HAS to become an addict. It is not written in stone. I really don’t understand how this stuff has been so effectively peddled.

     I studied psychology, drug action and neuroscience in college, and even though I haven’t stared into a petri dish and seen the science myself, studies seem to indicate the existence of an alcoholic “allele”, a genetic mutation that supposedly wires an individual for alcoholism. But guess what? Whether this nonsense is true or not is completely irrelevant, because nobody simply wakes up one day and suddenly they are some fully developed alcoholic. As well, our genes themselves don’t make us do anything. They may cement our addiction sooner than the next guy, but the process of becoming an alcoholic or an addict in entirely up to us and it is our choice. We must repeatedly drink/use and repeatedly do the wrong thing in order to set any such proclivity off.

     Furthermore, the physiological portion of our illness is totally irrelevant once an addict achieves sobriety and finds himself unable to stay that way. The mental obsession (the insanity and utter lack of reason or ration when the thought to use comes into our heads) is something that is 100% developed BY using and BY behaving like a nutjob, and has nothing to do with our genetics. Lying to people, having sex with the girl across the hall in rehab, breaking rules etc., um, these are not symptoms of anything. These are piss poor choices we make because we are stupid and because we are unbelievably selfish.

     I recently had an ibogaine troll who lies to people about immediately becoming a full blown addict right after the first sip of beer he had at age 11. He wanted wanted me to validate that his addiction does not belong to him and that it is not his fault, that he was somehow innocently stricken with addiction. I guarantee you that this poor guy is still hurting his parents and loved ones as they sit on the edge of a cliff waiting for this sort of ‘woe is me’ attitude to send him back into full blown relapse.
     We most certainly mutate ourselves into addicts. Sorry, but there isn’t some invisible, uncontrollable force possessing an addict to start drinking or using drugs repeatedly until they break themselves, cross over that line and become an addict, thus finally losing control. It takes a good deal of time and effort to develop into a full blown addict, and those who deny this simply refuse to take responsbility for their addiction. In fact, it is just this kind of arrogance, self-pity, victim complex and lack of accountability that prevents addicts from getting better.

     Additionally, things such as peer pressure and low self-esteem have no bearing in the making of an addict. Sure I may come up to you and say, “Try this, you shithead”, but whether you take it or not is entirely a function of your judgment, or lack thereof. Sorry, I know this may sound harsh to those of you who’d like to blame someone else and excuse the behavior of an addict by thinking that we are poor little sad innocent children who were corrupted by evil. Uh, no. We corrupted ourselves.

     And thus I believe it is nothing short of an abomination that both responsibility and honesty have both been removed entirely from the new-age addiction & recovery equation.

What Is Addiction & How Do We Recover? 
Frothy Emotional Appeal
Addiction & Recovery
Don’t Blame Your Genes!
Addicts Don’t Understand Being Human
Sorry Folks, We Are Not Sad Little Children

God, please help us to become ever more hopeless, than in our despair we finally see the futility of drugs as a solution to life and become willing to reach out, find You, change, and grow along spiritual lines…

2 thoughts on “Wailing and Moaning

  1. Charlie, I watched my son (who is now in recovery from addiction one year this week!) do everything addictively from the time he was a child. If he went fishing, played tennis, ate fruit, etc, he did it until I stopped him. I watched my brother (who is in recovery from alcohol) do the same thing growing up. My father is also a recovered alcoholic…I always stopped myself from ever crossing that line by my need to be in control. My son has OCD (my mother had a milder form), and my brother exhibits this obsessiveness too, though exercises and does healthier things with his obsessions. My daughter also has OCD, but will never take a drink or drug out of fear of where it could lead. Mental illness is not an excuse for addiction, but I think it can be a factor, as well as a long ancestral history of alcoholism and addiction in an Irish family. It does not have to be the destiny. We still have choice.

  2. Agreed 😉 And awesome about your son! Bless you. By the way, I was always obsessive and compulsive myself until I had this rather strange and profound spiritual experience that very mysteriously changed/rearranged my brain. I suppose I just want others to know what is possible and that miracles do indeed occur. People can change completely. Also, thank you for reading and for commenting.

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