A while back, some guy commented that everything I write regarding addiction is just an opinion. He wanted to see it that way because he needed to rationalize his addict’s half-ass recovery efforts as well as the beliefs he had about his child.
I hate to say it, but these are not opinions. This is knowledge that I have been given and acquired through the experience of real-life trial and error, and more importantly, actual RESULTS. When you’re an addict and you go from extreme delusion and dishonesty to extreme clarity and honesty, you begin to see what is true and what is false. You begin to see things as they truly are.
But when our own program/s continue to fail us repeatedly, we often engage in projection in order to avoid the shame and humiliation that accompanies failure. We project to avoid the truth, to avoid accountability, and most importantly, to avoid taking responsibility.
Failure also begets self-doubt, and when self-doubt becomes pathological, it virtually creeps out of our pores, especially when we have to ask for something or stick up for ourselves. Pathological self-doubt usually occurs when we have been ridiculed incessantly growing up, especially by a narcissistic parent. Ironically, in damaged, victim-complexed individuals, sometimes self-doubt doesn’t really sound like self-doubt. In fact, the person with the guilt complex can come across as quite annoying. Why is that?
For one, guilty, codepedent types usually beat around the bush instead of being direct, and let’s face it, that’s annoying. As well, the lack of confidence in our tone can actually be construed by the other person as sort of rude, indifferent, patronizing or impatient, despite no such intention being present. An anxious and guilty tone can be construed as one of blame, even if the true blame is towards self, and if there is a negative or defensive response from the person we are addressing, we cop a resentment. But the truth is that we are only mad at ourselves for not being able to communicate effectively, confidently, or straightforwardly with others.
Unless we know why others are responding to us negatively, we will forever be frustrated and hurt by people. And sadly, there is nothing else to blame but our own character defects and our own delusional perception, when, in fairness, it never had to be that way. Effective communication doesn’t come from understanding the right way to communicate intellectually, as therapists would have you believe. It comes from self-understanding and practice in the real world.
Ask yourself, why is everybody you know in long-term therapy still inept when it comes to communicating?
The answers already reside within. We just have to do some work, clean ourselves out and take some responsibility in order for them to surface. Once they do, we will be restored. We will be become honest once again, as we learn who we truly are, as we grow in strength and power, as we get up off the therapy couch, throw the pills down the toilet, grab life by the throat and walk forward – key word WALK as opposed to SIT. We must ‘act’ as opposed to ‘think it out’, which, along with more and more mind-numbing drugs, is the core approach to the new-age, degenerate model for addicts etc.
What’s sad is that nothing will ever change.
Trust me, it won’t.
Because the masses of sheep will never get it so long as they turn to the powers that be for their answers. Macro change will never come because people will always believe that the authorities will save them and solve their problems. Boy is everyone in for a rude awakening… and perhaps much sooner than you think.