My daughter has made amends to some, but not all. This concerns me.
Yes, that should concern you. Rarely, if ever, have I seen anyone be successful without making all of their amends. This step in particular is what separates the men from the boys [and the women from the girls]. It is where we find courage and begin to give back. For me, completing all of my amends was absolutely essential and paramount to building a solid foundation. I wouldn’t be who or where I am today if I left some of them out. I will pray she finds the willingness to complete them and continue her spiritual growth.
“But this f’ing bitch was way more of an f’ing bitch than I was.”
First of all, wanh, wanh, wanh… do you want a pity-pot to cry in? I didn’t say that, although it would have been a good idea. I told her to first pray for this person until she no longer cares about what she did. She said,
“I will never pray for her other than to pray she rots in hell.”
Oh, okay. So then why the hell are you asking me for advice when you aren’t really serious about getting better? Why bother doing any amends at all if you’re going to leave out the ones where someone else wronged you too? I told her that she is not willing to go to any lengths to get better and that ultimately she will relapse. And she did. Two weeks later.
99.9% = 0%.
If we plan on recovering from alcoholism and addiction, we must give 100% and we must never leave anything out. Sure others are flawed, but it’s not about them. If someone has wronged us but we owe them an amends as well, we better make it and not expect a single thing in return.
So why do we have to make ALL of our amends, other than because we have wronged others and it’s the right thing to do? We make them because if we don’t, we will drink again. If we cannot swallow our pride and make an amends to someone who has also wronged us, we have no business in the Steps. Once we take that 3rd Step and make a pact with God, we are entering mystical territory. At that point, if we walk away, bad things will happen. Trust me. I see it all the time.
God, please give me the power, strength and willingness to make all my amends, and to continue making amends if and when I hurt others going forward…