I have more then one addiction I guess, I’m an alcoholic ,have anger and depression, and I keep hurting the people I care most about. I won’t let any female get close to me before I tell them every bad thing they have ever done in their life. I know I need help and something more than anything man made.
This is/was my exact experience as well. I was crippled with depression and anger and felt it would never end. I knew that addiction, while a monster itself, was sitting on top of a profound and deep-seated spiritual problem. I knew this in my heart. When I was finally on the verge of demise, I dragged myself to detox and somehow wound up in treatment up North. Within 24 hours, the fog had burned off and I knew I needed to do a mountain of work on myself and I knew I needed spiritual help. Miraculously, the recovered guys up there were only interested in giving me the tools to expel the life-sucking venom within, and they suggested that I place my full faith in God. The told to me to literally give it everything I have, that 99% might end up being ZERO. So I had to go for it, dig everything up and let everything go. As well, I was called on to have blind faith that something spiritual would happen, which it did. For some, it may be sudden. For others, it may be gradual, but what induced it was meticulously, thoroughly and fearlessly taking Steps as they are laid out in the Big Book.