Seeing a therapist for me was an exercise in manipulation…
What an opportunity for me to truly act the part for an unsuspecting stranger who loves to find and fabricate reasons, whether real or imagined. I honed my skills as a pathological liar and in return, heard just what I wanted to hear: seemingly endless reasons (excuses) why I just had to use drugs and drink alcohol, that I was a victim of my Dad, Mom, this person, that person, psychic scars, my past life, unattended soccer games, Mom moving out, Dad getting sick, abusive babysitter, thrown out stuffed animals, stern grandfather demanding accountability, crazy grandmother renting Exorcist for me when I was 6, borderline x-girlfriend, peer pressure, 1st grade teacher, bully in school, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They dug in and magically uncovered a complicated psychological myriad of deep-seated reasons why I used.
“Well you see, son, the ridicule you endured by your father, his emotional withdrawal…” and on and on and on. I was given free reign to blame all of my drug use and my voluntary failures and abuse of others on my parent(or other)-induced depression, apathy, anger, fear and insecurity.
That is utter nonsense. Quite frankly, it’s dangerous.
This is perhaps the worst strategy to treat an addict or an alcoholic. Addicts need quite the opposite of this ‘concerto de sentimiento’. The addict must be tactfully and lovingly roasted beyond belief, and then built back together one spiritual brick at a time. The therapist’s job is to simply start peeling the onion, and the addict must continue to peel off layer upon layer of bullshit they have fed themselves and stored up in the attic. The addict must be taught how to become accountable for his thoughts, actions and beliefs. He must own his Self and who he has become. Reasons and profuse analysis of all the players in his life is counter-productive. Sure we look at other players, but only to the extent of our own responsibility. We are the only player who matters. What did WE do? We clean up our side of the street and judge not the flaws of others, even those who may have hurt us.
And how does the addict become an accountable human being? First, he learns that he or she, as an active or untreated addict, is a purely selfish human being. He must be honest about the effects of his actions, as the ripple effect is extensive and slowly annihilates all things precious in life. He must search himself fearlessly and come to understand how he himself caused his addiction, his resentments, his fears and his sexual or other misconduct. How was HE selfish? How was HE self-seeking? How was HE dishonest? How was HE fearful? Recovery is not an exercise in assessing what others did to us. It is an exercise in what we did to others. This sort of humility allows the addict become accountable for his life and his addiction, and then take responsibility moving forward. This humility allows the addict to have an authentic 1st Step experience as the truth of his powerlessness permeates throughout his mind, heart and soul.
Once the bullshit has been well dissolved and the addict is humbled, he must take continuous and rigorous action to comprehensively repair his being. He must also and at once begin to repair his worldly life and his relationships, if possible. He must repair his reputation, his bridges and standing in his community. He must swallow his pride and fear to search for all those he has deceived, lied to, hurt, abused and stolen from to admit his wrongs, while also showing the willingness to make it right in any way he can. He must then reach out to others who still suffer and share both his experience as well as the solution. The more people he helps, the better. The more action he takes, the better he will get, and as a byproduct, the better he will feel.
Finally, he must continue to draw closer to God through daily prayer, meditation and other activities which calm and cleanse him, whatever they may be. He must let go of his pathological need to control everything and plow his way through life, driven only by self-will.
God, please take my will and make it Your own…
By the way, I have a friend on just about every entitlement there is, and she often lashes out and complains about wait times and not getting checks and what assholes they are. Not only does she not want to work, she refuses to work, even when jobs are offered to her. She has come to believe that the state owes her, failing of course to understand that when she refers to “the state,” she is referring to all of the working people of the private sector within the state. It is others with perhaps little more than she who owe her for some reason. She reminds me of an addict, as the mentality is quite the same. This is the problem with addiction, entitlement abuse and socialism – you eventually become entitled. When you should have gratitude the most, you have none. Why? Because you are just existing. If you’re getting free help or free tuition or free anything (free meaning taken from someone else), at the very least you should be thankful.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day and then comes back tomorrow expecting more, having done nothing to advance himself as spirit decays. Teach a man to fish and he eats for the rest of his life with dignity. He can also teach others to fish. He has a purpose. Below is a good anecdote I read on Martin Armstrong’s blog about the difference between capitalism and socialism:
“Martin, A story I received: A guy looked at my Porsche the other day and said I wonder how many people could have been fed for the money that sports car cost. I replied I am not sure, it fed a lot of families in Bowling Green, Kentucky who built it, it fed the people who make the tires, it fed the people who made the components that went into it, it fed the people in the copper mine who mined the copper for the wires, it fed people in Decatur IL, at Caterpillar who make the trucks that haul the copper ore. It fed the trucking people who hauled it from the plant to the dealer and fed the people working at the dealership and their families. BUT,… I have to admit, I guess I really don’t know how many people it fed.”
Believe me, you want people starting businesses, creating jobs and accumulating wealth to then either expand and create more jobs or voluntarily offer to charity. Nobody seems to remember that we are very compassionate financially as a country. But if you simply rob everyone who produces, you end up with no jobs and eventually the money runs out and you are right back to where you started, except now there is no money left and all those who were given something for nothing still have no abilities or will to support themselves. Margaret Thatcher nailed it when she said the problem with socialism is you eventually run out of other people’s money. It doesn’t take very long before everybody loses.
Many young people today don’t understand that there is no such thing as free. Government funds itself and its various programs by extracting wealth from the private sector, so the larger government grows, the more the real economy and real GDP shrink. Larger government is deflationary, despite whatever nonsense you’re being fed in college or on the news. Unfunded liabilities (meaning unfunded future entitlement promises) now exceed 220 trillion dollars. How is it that so many refuse to understand that when you borrow beyond your means, you bequeath that burden onto your children? Future generations will become debt serfs. As Hayek accurately noted, this is the road to serfdom.
This has nothing to do with ideology. Both the Left and Right Establishment and the shadow government/globalist power structure who controls them are one in the same, corrupt and amoral to the core. They have been bankrupting, hollowing out and selling America down the river for decades. Both are pro-debt, pro-tax, pro-war, pro-big gov and anti- the people. This fundamental destruction of America is not achieved through capitalism as so many wrongly and tragically believe, but rather cronyism (corporate welfare) and socialism, which is the road to communism. All you have to do is read and study history and you will see.
Socialism and the war on God, family, children and moral absolutes will utterly destroy us. I just pray that what comes after will be founded on the principles of freedom, truth and economic sanity.