I once loved drugs and alcohol with all my heart. The idea that we addicts somehow don’t want to be addicts and never wanted to be enslaved by some drug is a myth. Sure, perhaps deep down somewhere we want to truly be free, but you have to understand that addicts love drugs like a soul mate (btw “soul mates” don’t exist except in absurd Hollywood movies). That’s why we’re addicts. We’re not addicts because whoops, we woke up one day and became addicts, or whoops, we wimped out and took a Vicodin for some minor procedure and now we can’t stop. We don’t want to stop. We loved taking the Vicodin. We love anything and everything that gets us high, changes the way we feel, triggers the release of dopamine in our reward system and saturates our CNS with pleasure thus preserving our comfort zone. Short of shedding the mortal coil and floating off into lala land, free from the predicament of existing in a human body, drugs and alcohol (like power) serve as the great deception and false solution of both internal and external freedom and peace. We believe the drugs are washing us with some holy elixir, though nothing could be further from the truth.
And this is why there are so many false solutions for the slavery of drugs and alcohol. This is also why there are so many theories of addiction, the most recent and by far most destructive being the idea that addiction is a permanent disease that the poor addict didn’t give to themselves (even AA has been infected by this nonsense, but to be sure, the Big Book refers to addiction and alcoholism as an illness or malady, further stating that our main problem centers in the mind, not the body). I tried just about everything one can try – from the excuses/reasons invented in talk therapy to mind-numbing psychotropics to substitution drugs like methadone and suboxone that kept me chained and almost killed me as swiftly as heroin (subs can be likened to the devil, for sure). I tried wilderness trips, rock-climbing, art, music and acting. I tried self-help nonsense and listening to a slew of Godless new-age heretics. I tried visualization, crystals, polarity, acupuncture, acupressure. I tried some ridiculous homeopathy to patch holes in my aura and a St. John’s Wart tincture for my depression. I tried driving across the country, having relationships, socializing more, socializing less, and on and on and on… but the thing is…
I loved drugs the entire time, and it doesn’t take a prodigy to deduce that’s not gonna work. So why have I now finally stopped loving drugs as much as a narcissist loves self?
Because I love God now. Loving God more than drugs is probably the only solution for any long-term, hopeless addict or alcoholic. Why? Because loving God more than drugs is the only thing powerful enough to replace my addiction. While worldly remedies have little or no power to alter the entire course of our lives, the power of God is limitless. It can restore a man to sanity in an instant. It can drive a man each and every day to wake up and give his life over to Him, to guide and steer him throughout the day, the change his heart to begin to love what is right and clean more than what is wrong and filthy, to change the make-up of a man, his character and his entire attitude and belief about life and what life is about.
What people must also understand is that our primary poison is not drugs and alcohol, it is our selfishness. If we do not become willing to replace our selfishness with a desire to instead be closer to God, we cannot and will not recover. Most addicts only want to get sober if it feels good, but in order to get better, we must rise above our pathological preoccupation to the more banal and primitive pleasures of the flesh, the senses and the nervous system. Beware of carrying the preoccupation with comfort into recovery. Beware of carrying the deep-seated narcissism into recovery. Beware of continuing to hold the outside world responsible for how we feel and for what happens in our lives.
The solution of spiritual action and putting God first does not guarantee we will never suffer. It’s not supposed to. What it guarantees is that that drugs and alcohol won’t ever be a problem again. Why? Because it restores our conscience and keeps our selfishness in check, thereby keeping us close to the Lord. If our conscience burns inside, we will refuse to use because we now care too much about the consequences of our actions – of wrong action. We cannot have success by carrying our selfishness into sobriety and continuing to demand the preservation of our comfort zone 24/7. But if we submit to the will of God and trust He won’t bring us anything that we cannot handle and endure, we can and will remain free until we draw our last breath.
And trust me, despite all the constant whining you hear today, we humans can endure a great deal.