“Thank you for your wonderful words. I appreciate your continued success.
My spouse has quit drinking , had a slip up during his sobriety. He quit by non traditional methods . My question. Do addicts say things like, “you won’t like what you get if I quit “? Why do they say this?”
The addicted spouse will say this sort of thing for perhaps a number of reasons, but first and foremost because he/she (sorry for my evil “cisgendered” pronoun bigotry) doesn’t want to change. Many addicts, like many people in general, do not want to change. One reason for this is they may have had no exposure to a solution that is alive, well and glowing in another former addict. Where there is no spiritual solution, there is perhaps little hope and thus little desire to change. Addicts are selfish creatures, and as comfort-addicted children, most will want some assurance that should they embark on the process of recovery, they will at least feel better, forget about the notion of actually working to find God and eliminate their drug problem.
It is also a manipulative thing to say. “Look what you made me do, you monster! So when I devolve into a depressed, angry, selfish, miserable animal, you’ll only have yourself to blame! Wanh… you want me to recover and step outside my comfortable, self-centered, safe space…? No way!“ Similar to the progressive mellenial or social academic of today who lacks wisdom and has no bearing on reality, common sense or hard work, they blame everything and everybody but themselves for anything uncomfortable that may happen to them, such as life on earth, or adulthood. They are dependent on the world around them to placate them, attend to their feelings (feelings are not facts, btw), pay for their stuff, house them, clothe them, educate them, support them, think, feel and act the way they do. Anyone who disagrees is considered an abhorrent bigot and must be blamed for every ill, whether personal or worldly.
These are also words of cowardice (not that I’m an exception) – the mindset or attitude of a person who is not willing to work towards freeing themselves from the chains that bind them, to fight for personal change and success, to embrace self-honesty and awareness, and to grow up into a responsible and accountable adult. I feel for you, as the general attitude reflects a man who has little or no desire to own up to his life and his circumstances, both internal and external. He is already piling up excuses for his failure – “Well, no wonder I relapsed, I told you this would happen! Nobody could possibly be expected not to drink or use drug like an absolute freaking pig feeling the way I told you I would! Your fault! Not mine!”
Our drinking and drug use is nobody’s fault but our own. We alone are responsible for what we do and who we become. Similarly, our recovery is also our sole responsibility. Nobody can get us better except ourselves. Nobody is responsible for our recovery. We alone become addicts and we alone recover… with the help of God.
So until the day comes when we stop with all the whining and complaining, there will be no recovery, let alone inner peace, honesty, accountability, joy, success and adulthood. I would say, “be a man,” but today “to be a man” is some sort of abomination (except when you need someone to build your deck, renovate your kitchen or fix your toilet, right? Then driving my truck is okay… or still not okay? lol) My Lord has our deranged, self-loathing, PC, Marxist culture become so derelict, so degenerate, so deviant, so Godless, so morally relative and devoid of reality… I would expect few to embark on true recovery with the now myriad of bullshit excuses out there today.
Addiction is a rather simply malady to defeat. Once we begin loving God more than drugs, and once we become willing to do anything it takes to maintain that relationship, our problem is solved. That is all we must do. Act relentlessly to stay close to your Creator. I’m also convinced that it is not simply inner work such as prayer, meditation and written inventory, which are certainly crucial. But the real silver bullet is service. Serve and help others. Be useful. Act other-centeredly, which is simply the precise opposite of the way we act as addicts. If the cause is selfish action, the solution is and must be selfless action. What ever happened to logic, reason, common sense and work?
There is not a single soul on the planet who needs some ridiculous substitution drug or designer psychotropic to recover. How is it possible that we pathological liars have convinced the public in general and even the medical community that addiction is some terminal, lifelong, blameless disease? We addicts who do not recover simply do not want to recover. Let’s face it. We love being high and drunk – all the time. Do not be fooled by the addict.
Thus, we must begin to love something more, something as powerful as the drug itself. Those of us who do not recover are simply not willing to roll up our sleeves and engage in some rigorous work. We are wimps. This idea that addicts want to stop but cannot is nonsense. Any active addict and even many who fondle sobriety do not want to stop. We don’t want to stop, until we do. And once we do, and with a real, fundamental, spiritual solution laid at our feet, anything is possible.
Finally, if it is true that addicts cannot stop and need to be plied with substitution drugs and rewired with psychotropics less there is no hope… then how am I recovered? People can change and rewire themselves. We can do this through right, moral action. We can do this through the power of God. Anything else is just an excuse. For me, until I rid myself of the excuses, until I stopped pretending to be a victim, until grew up and got to work, there was no genuine recovery.