The following is an excerpt from, ‘The Privileged Addict’
HAND OF GOD
It was the middle of a moonlit night in the chapel up North. My body told me when I was finished meditating. I sat down for a few minutes. A feeling of certainty calmed me. I was ready. I knelt down on my knees and opened up the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous to page 76 and read the 7th Step prayer out loud.
“My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.” Alcoholics Anonymous, 76.
As I finished reading the prayer, an unexplainable miracle occurred. The instant I was done, something rushed through my body. Something wonderful. I laughed and cried simultaneously. It was strange. Some force immediately took over my body and mind, controlling me for some time. Then a volcanic feeling of relief and rapture pervaded my entire being. I remember thinking, Holy shit. It worked! I felt it in every cell.
I stood up and walked into the main room. I felt as light as air. From somewhere up in the Universe came a rush of energy. At first it was a surge… then a steady flow of God rushed through me, entering through the top of my head and flowing down through my feet and back out. I was emptied out. My mind was clear for the first time in my entire life. Totally, utterly, empty.
Then a second miracle occurred. I suddenly had full control over my mind. I could choose to think or not to think, but I had the choice. It was pure and absolute freedom. A telephone line had been activated between me and God, and in that moment I knew with certainty that I could tap into this Universal Power at any time. I realized that I had just tapped into Power.
Then a third miracle occurred as I experienced a total absence of fear. All fear just gone. It was unbelievable. Deep inside, I knew I would be okay from that point on. There was nothing fear could ever again stop me from doing. There was no problem anymore. Something had shifted. For the next several days, I entered a prolonged state of calm and inner peace. I was reborn. Since those moments up North, I’ve felt exponentially better than I ever did high on drugs or alcohol.
What occurred that night was an intense spiritual experience. The mental obsession was lifted from my broken mind. Before, my shoulders were hunched over from the heavy load of resentments and grief that I carried around with me. But suddenly, I stood straight up, shoulders cocked backed, eyes and face aglow. A limitless and mind-blowing power brushed me for a brief moment. And so I was restored to sanity.
I was touched by the hand of God that night and it was no hallucination. No human thing is responsible for what I felt, for what flowed into me, for what changed me. I refuse to take any responsibility for what happened and I am so grateful and humbled by that. From then on, I have been willing to do anything it takes to get better, to stay better, and to grow spiritually.
I walked out of the chapel and entered what felt like a different realm. Fog hovered over the grass, deflecting beams of light in every direction. Everything was vibrant. The earth was breathing. I was alive. Away I went to fall sound asleep.
In the morning, something was fundamentally different. I needed less and didn’t think about myself as much. I wanted to help others and be useful. I wanted other people to have what I had.
People noticed what happened. No one could ignore it. The change in the way I looked and in my mental state and attitude could not be mistaken. And it happened to all of us who sought out a spiritual experience. We were taken over and glowing from Spirit within. Truly amazing.