Darkness

 

     I will get back to addiction after this post, but as I have children whom I love with all of my heart, I can no longer in good conscience remain silent about what is happening to our country and to the world…

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Government is the problem, not the solution. 

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     Now that we have entered a very dark period of Leftist totalitarianism and “covid” tyranny (an evidenced, pre-planned psy-op carried out by a collection of climate/globalist lunatics & terrorists including Bill Gates, Anthony Fauci, George Soros and Klaus Schwab) where all freedoms, privacy and human rights will be lost (let alone all savings and small businesses), where anyone who dares to disagree will be censored, smeared, bankrupted or jailed, and where any semblance of our Constitution and Bill of Rights will be shat on at every turn, I should probably watch what I say… but guess what?

     Fuck that. Continue reading

Why Alcoholics Hurt People

     Sadly, people who find this blog often type in the search phrase, ‘why do alcoholics hurt us?‘, which results in an older post I wrote about why drinking is selfish. I renamed that post, Selfish No Matter What, and hopefully this one will come up instead.

     First, let me tell you that it’s not because of you. You are not the reason. There is no person, place or thing to blame. We have only ourselves to blame for our selfish actions.

     Alcoholics and addicts hurts others because their addiction comes first before everything. And if our addiction is our very top priority, then we will do anything it takes to use the way we want, even if that means lying to you, stealing from you, manipulating you, deceiving you, abusing you, hurting you and breaking your heart.

     Many of us probably don’t want to hurt you at all, but if we are addicts, our addiction comes first, and that means nothing and nobody will get in the way of us drinking and using to our little hearts’ content.

     The truth is that you will never come first, because even if we recover, we will have to put our spiritual health above all else. But don’t worry, because if an addict actually puts spiritual growth above all else, then our relationships and every other facet of our lives will end up in the best possible condition. For us, if our relationship with God becomes second to anything, we will lose everything anyway… and then nobody will get what they want. It’s all or none for us. We can’t worship anything worldly or we will become sick and eventually relapse.

     We hurt others because we are perhaps the most selfish and immature people in the world. We hurt others because we are infantile narcissists who feel as though nobody suffers quite the way we do and therefore we have the right to do whatever it takes to remain in our comfort zones. We hurt others because we are pathetic, whiny children who have no clue that life is not about us feeling good all of the time. We hurt others because our minds have become twisted and warped from drinking and using so much that we cannot even see that we are hurting you. We have become deranged and delusional, only believing what we need to tell ourselves to keep our habit going uninterrupted. We hurt you because we have begun lying to ourselves, and when we lie to ourselves, we don’t know if what we’re doing is up or down, left or right, right or wrong, real or unreal. We have broken our minds and therefore we are insane. Insane people don’t know what they’re doing. They only do what they think they need to do to maintain the phony existence they are living.

     There is no excuse for addicts and alcoholics to hurt anyone, and without a doubt, we hurt people just by picking up a drink or drug, let alone the various forms of abuse we inflict. If we have lost control of our drinking or our using, then every time we drink or use, we hurt others. There is no getting around that. There is no using in a vacuum.

     So my advice to my fellow addicts is to realize that you are fake, and then grow up and go get better. Get better because you have given up the right to drink and use drugs. Get better up because you don’t deserve to focus on making yourself feel more comfortable 24/7. Get better because it is the right thing to do. Get better because you owe it to everybody in your life… and you owe it to the entire world. Contrary to what you might believe, the world owes you nothing, so get better because the only other option is to die a miserable death, and spiritually speaking, you don’t want to do that and wind up in some awful place, or wind up coming back to learn the same lessons you were too much of a coward to learn this time around.

God, please show me how much I have hurt others… 

Willing To Be Wrong

     Probably the most important thing we can do to get better is to become willing to be wrong. This was a central theme up North. The Big Book astutely notes that we addicts are obstinate types. We like to argue with you even when we know we are wrong. You say up, I say down. You say left, I say right. You say hi, I say fuck you. We just like to argue. Besides being ridiculous, this sort of attitude can become very dangerous for an alcoholic or an addict who is trying to get better.

     Recovering, healing and growing is all about being wrong. In order to move forward, we peel away a slew of beliefs, notions and attitudes that we were wrong about. With addiction, we come to understand that we were wrong about having power over drugs and alcohol. We were wrong about being able to manage and control our lives during active addiction. We were wrong about being able to get better on our own. We were wrong about not needing spiritual help. We were wrong about all those people we resented. We were wrong about other people’s intentions and opinions of us. We were wrong about entire groups of people, about certain institutions and certain principles. Bottom line: Thinking that we are right about everything is by far the largest obstacle to getting better.
     Other obstacles include stubbornness, such as our inability to let go of the preconceived ideas or prejudices we have. We think that if something isn’t there for us to see and touch, then it doesn’t exist. We aren’t willing to just step into the darkness on faith alone that we will be alright. But blind faith is exactly what the doctor ordered. I never would have recovered if I hadn’t taken a leap of faith. We don’t get the results until we take the leap first. Take the leap, do the work, let go and have faith in something other than our egotistical selves, and then God will restore us to sanity. Let go of our worldly agenda and instead put our spiritual growth first, ahead of everything… and then everything else will fall into place. If all I do is to simply do the right thing, I will somehow be provided with what I need. And that is nothing short of a miracle.
     If we are to truly get better, we must be willing to be wrong. We must put our spiritual health before all else – before our jobs, plans, dreams, even our families and spouses. The #1 priority for any addict who plans on living a good life is his or her relationship with God.
God, teach me to be willing to be wrong…