Category Archives: Untreated Alcoholism

Dry Drunks

Posted on by under Dry Drunks, Humility, Untreated Alcoholism

     Just because we are sober does not mean that we aren’t still a rather large group of selfish assholes. In fact, if we have not yet chosen to live by spiritual principles, that’s what we are. And choosing to live by spiritual principles means, of course, actually practicing them in our lives… or at least making a sincere attempt. The reason I was able to get sober so many times yet fail so miserably is simply because I remained the same self-absorbed idiot after putting down the substance.

     I once heard a veteran AA “old timer” at a Manchester, MA meeting say that AA and recovery was not about being a good person, it was just about staying sober. His exact words were, “I’m still an asshole, just a sober asshole!” He said it didn’t matter if you still lied, cheated, or abused others verbally and physically. Here was the featured speaker of the night and he was telling everybody that AA wasn’t about morals. For this guy, it was totally fine to be a shithead.
     If you are an alcoholic or an addict and you hear that sort of insanity at a meeting, you are not in the presence of recovery. You are in the presence of poison. Why? First of all, we, as alcoholics and addicts, have been going around like a bunch of children, always wanting this, always needing that, lying and manipulating those who love us, burning bridges and throwing away any opportunity that we’ve somehow been given. We have not only given up the right to drink and use, but we’ve also given up the right to be a damaged, depressed, abusive, angry, self-centered and socially/emotionally retarded individual. 
     Bottom line: If you are an addict and you think that you have a chance in hell of staying sober without becoming a better person and living by moral/spiritual principles, think again. Unless you aren’t really an addict, you will fail. Miserably. The only chance we have is to rid ourselves of our lies, our grandiosity, our fear and our pathological immaturity. Otherwise, we might as well keep drinking and using, because an active addict is NO DIFFERENT than a sober addict who hasn’t adopted spiritual principles. 
     To note, I’ve never seen anyone accomplish this without humbling themselves by getting underneath something Greater. We can’t change who we are by thinking we are superheroes who can do anything. We need spiritual help. We can’t do it alone. We can’t do it without the help of God.

God, always remind me that physical sobriety means nothing if I don’t change and grow and live by spiritual principles…

Selfishness Kills

Posted on by under Selfishness, Spiritual Malady, Untreated Alcoholism

     Selfishness will kill us even in sobriety.

     So will untreated alcoholism, though I suppose there isn’t much of a difference.
     My father, whom I loved dearly, was a perfect example. His untreated alcoholism took his life, as his spiritual malady became so great that it manifested itself organically in his brain. He was diagnosed with early-onset dementia and over the course of 10-15 years, his brain gradually degenerated and decayed until he died. Sorry, but you don’t get dementia in your 40s. He was a severely depressed, withdrawn, and untreated alcoholic.
     Translation: He was gravely ill spiritually.
     If we don’t ever get better from our alcoholic mind and our alcoholic spirit, despite being sober, we will probably die anyway. And chances are that we have already died spiritually, long before our physical death.
     It is therefore more dangerous to get sober and try to live life with a cauldron of demons inside. In fact, you’ll probably do more harm as a sober but untreated alcoholic than as an active drinker. And if you do less harm, then the one thing I can assure you is that you will suffer beyond description.
     So there is no point to get sober and simply drag yourself to AA meetings, collect a chip, drink some coffee and listen to stories. As far as I’m concerned, we alcoholics have only one choice: Take steps.
     Translation: Embark on a rigorous program of spiritual action that will effect real and lasting change within us. Do enough work to get close enough to God to fundamentally change our minds, our attitudes, and our lives. If we get sober and don’t change, we are dead. If we get sober but don’t change completely, we are dead. But if we get sober and go to any lengths to change, then we become free forever and come to witness untold miracles in our lives…
God, I humbly ask you to rid me of the spiritual poison of self and selfishness…

Untreated Alcoholism

Posted on by under Self Will, Sobriety vs Change, Spiritual Growth, Untreated Alcoholism

     The problem with only achieving physical sobriety is that we may never get any better.

     Why?

     Because sobriety doesn’t cure insanity, nor does it reduce selfishness. Sobriety doesn’t stop us from constantly whining and complaining, from thinking about ourselves 24/7. How ridiculous it is to get sober but remain mentally and spiritually warped beyond comprehension. In fact, if you’re gonna kick it and not really change, you might as well just keep drinking. At least you’d be making a small economic contribution.

     Most addicts are actually more annoying when they’re sober yet untreated, if you can fathom that. We remain needy and obsessed with how we feel all of the time.

     Oh no, what am I doing in life?! What am I gonna do today? What am I gonna do tomorrow?! Nobody knows what it’s like to be me. Me! Why do I feel this way? Poor me. Nobody has it this tough! The world owes me! I need a cigarette, I need this, I need that, I need to go to a meeting! I want cookies, I want ice cream, I want… wanh, wanh, wanh, wanh, wanh! 

     Yup. If all we do is remove the drugs and alcohol, we still act like drug addicts and alcoholics. But, hey, at least we’re sober! What a joke. Addicts and alcoholics can do as much, if not more damage to others by achieving physical sobriety but failing to actually get better.

     Once sober, I literally have a volcano of work to do on myself. I must begin to extract the cauldron of poisons that have turned me into a pathologically selfish drug addict. I must extract the poisons of selfishness, self-seeking, dishonesty, fear, and countless others if I am to truly recover. I must take it upon myself to fundamentally change the person I was. I must change the way I act, react and respond. I must change the way I view suffering. I must change the way I approach others. I must change my attitude towards life, work, relationships and family. For sure, I must change from deep within.

     Through right action, I begin to enlarge my spiritual life. I begin to accept that I shouldn’t be taking credit for every good thing that happens to me… and I shouldn’t be blaming something else for every bad thing. I begin to realize that the bad stuff is my own fault. It happens when I try to do things my way, when I exert my own selfish will. But the good stuff happens when I let go, when I step back a little and let something guide me that is much greater and more powerful.

     Even if you’re an addict and you don’t believe that God is present in your life, maybe you should change your mind because it’s much better to have a humble attitude as opposed to attributing your recovery and success to you and you only.

     Why?

     Because it’s arrogant not to. Are we really that powerful? Are we really all-knowing? Do we really have it all figured out? Please. Look how small and insignificant we are compared to the entire Universe.

God, give me the courage, power and willingness to walk through discomfort, just like everybody else…