Had an interesting conversation with a good friend a while back. One of things we discussed was the effect of alcohol in a general sense, addict or not, and beyond the physical.

     Alcohol, like drugs, can have a surprisingly profound effect on an individual, though it may appear subtle to the outsider. For one, it mutes the natural surfacing of deeper thoughts and feelings, but this emotional energy must be channeled somewhere, which is why alcohol use begins to amplify our emotions in both directions. Alcohol use can eventually cause greater extremes in our emotions, whether up or down, so an otherwise balanced person may begin to experience stronger feelings, thoughts or energies in both directions – mania on one extreme and depression on the other, let alone indifference and apathy.

     Alcohol destroys our ability to filter thoughts and feelings through our consciousness. Our awareness becomes cloudy and begins to contort the way we assess our actions, thoughts, feelings and life events. Things that may be detrimental to self or others become unclear. The way we rationalize and reason our own behavior and that of others can become markedly different from a person who is entirely drug or alcohol free.

     We also discussed internal dialogue. Even though many of us are not alcoholics or addicts, when we begin to question or assess what we are doing, how it is effecting us, and how much or how frequently we are drinking, we are assessing the use of a substance that we probably shouldn’t be using. While it is obviously a healthy and sane ability to assess our drinking and its effects, the mere presence of an internal dialogue is a message in and of itself.

     We discussed the fact that when we are engaged in things which do not aid in our personal or spiritual growth, there will be a real effect. Sure the effect may not be directly related to having a few drinks at a party, but it does tend to be proportional to the weight of our initial actions or behaviors. Cause and effect, while a universal law in the physical realm, can cross lines. Any cause can lead to an effect that may occur in the emotional or spiritual realm. Physical actions may also cause an effect in the physical realm but one that is unrelated to our behavior directly. We often refer to this as bad luck, but is it bad luck or are our actions or budding habits coming back to haunt us?

     The bottom line is that what we do, say and think MATTERS. Anything we do that is healthy and productive for self and others will have a positive affect, while anything we do that is harmful or doesn’t serve us or others will have some sort of negative effect.

     Lastly, we briefly discussed the fact that many of us, addict or not, have some external reason or purpose which drives us to maintain consistency as a responsible adult. Children and careers are often two of the primary reasons. However, if we continue to do the right thing for an external reason, even our children, but not for ourselves, we will eventually suffer. I’ve recently discovered that I must embrace and apply this truth. Positive, healthy nourishment of self is important. This is something I usually scoff at and cast aside believing I must work myself to the bone. The idea of self-nourishment has in the past produced guilt, even a sense of disgust. At the same time, it is advice that I regularly offer to spouses/parents of addicts. I suppose the process of getting better should include some type of living amends to oneself, so long as it serves us, and admittedly, I’ve had difficulty determining whether various forms of self-nourishment are serving me or not, as well as others.

     More to the point, we can continue to be responsible parents or employees yet fail to take care of ourselves. I sometimes find myself at home being Mr. Dad – playing, cooking, emoting happiness, calm and stability for my children yet I am unhappy inside. This isn’t because I don’t love my children with all of my heart. It is because I have been neglecting myself.

     To enjoy the fullness of life, whether at home or at work, I should keep my spiritual, emotional and physical health as the top priority. This is not selfish, because if we fail to put our health first, we will eventually begin to suffer and fall apart. Nobody wins. Ultimately, nothing external can keep us healthy, stable, sane, content and at peace within. We must take care of ourselves and our relationship with God first, and then all other efforts will naturally benefit. Our efforts will become wholehearted, as we won’t have to force or feign responsibility, joy, strength and consistency.

     Trust me, I violate this constantly, and everyday God reminds me that I must take care of myself not for anything external, but so I can be “okay” primarily. Sure I take care of self for my family and for my business, but it must also be for self, so that I can live my life with joy, or at least with some peace and contentment.

     So with that said, I’m gonna go make a flatbread pizza, smother it with crushed red pepper and pour a large ginger ale. Is that the idea? Perhaps not. Well, how about I go write some inventory (much needed) and then meditate (or sweep) until my mind slows down and the peace begins to flow in. Maybe a long, hot shower as well – def one of my favorite things. Then I can start neglecting myself once again tomorrow morning 😉

     I once loved drugs and alcohol with all my heart. The idea that we addicts somehow don’t want to be addicts and never wanted to be enslaved by some drug is a myth. Sure, perhaps deep down somewhere we want to truly be free but have instead chosen the easy “solution” and false freedom of drugs because we are cowards… but you have to understand that addicts love drugs like a soul mate (and btw “soul mates” don’t exist except in absurd Hollywood movies). That’s why we’re addicts.

     We’re not addicts because whoops, we woke up one day and became addicts, or whoops, we wimped out and took a Vicodin for some minor procedure and now we can’t stop. We don’t want to stop. We loved taking the Vicodin. We love anything and everything that gets us high, changes the way we feel, triggers the release of dopamine in our reward system and saturates our CNS with pleasure, thus preserving our comfort zone. Short of shedding the mortal coil and floating off into lala land, free from the predicament of existing in a human body, drugs and alcohol (like power) serve as the great deception and false solution of both internal and external freedom and peace. We believe the drugs are washing us with some holy elixir, though nothing could be further from the truth.
 
     And this is why there are so many false solutions for the slavery of drugs and alcohol. This is also why there are so many theories of addiction – the most recent and by far most destructive being the idea that addiction is a permanent disease that the poor addict didn’t give to themselves via a series of selfish actions (remember that the process of losing choice is a choice). Even AA has been infected by this nonsense, but to be sure, the Big Book refers to addiction and alcoholism as an illness or “malady,” further stating that our main problem centers in the mind, not the body.

     I personally tried just about everything one can try – from the excuses/reasons invented in talk therapy to mind-numbing psychotropics to substitution drugs like methadone and suboxone that kept me chained and almost killed me as swiftly as heroin (this sort of physical/spiritual poison can be likened to the devil, for sure). I tried wilderness trips, rock-climbing, art, music and acting. I tried self-help nonsense and listening to a slew of Godless new-age heretics. I tried visualization, crystals, polarity, acupuncture, acupressure. I tried some ridiculous homeopathy to patch holes in my aura and a St. John’s Wart tincture for my depression. I tried driving across the country, having relationships, socializing more, socializing less, and on and on and on… but the thing is…

     I loved drugs the entire time, and it doesn’t take a prodigy to deduce that is not gonna work. So why have I now finally stopped loving drugs as much as a narcissist loves self?

     Because I love God now.  Loving God more than drugs is probably the only solution for any long-term, hopeless addict or alcoholic. Why? Because loving God more than drugs is the only thing powerful enough to replace my addiction. While worldly remedies have little or no power to alter the entire course of our lives, the power of God is limitless. It can restore a man to sanity in an instant. It can drive a man each and every day to wake up and give his life over to Him, to guide and steer him throughout the day, the change his heart to begin to love what is right and clean more than what is wrong and filthy, to change the make-up of a man, his character and his entire attitude and belief about life and what life is about.

     What people must also understand is that our primary poison is not drugs and alcohol, it is our selfishness. If we do not become willing to replace our selfishness with a desire to instead be closer to God, we cannot and will not recover. Most addicts only want to get sober if it feels good, but in order to get better, we must rise above our pathological preoccupation to the more banal and primitive pleasures of the flesh, the senses and the nervous system.

     So beware of carrying the preoccupation with comfort into recovery. Beware of carrying the deep-seated narcissism into recovery. Beware of continuing to hold the outside world responsible for how we feel and for what happens in our lives. This is why grown children etc whine, rant, become enraged, violent, filled with hatred, protest in the streets, declare anyone who disagrees with them evil, and want exams cancelled due to the stress “caused” by elections etc (lmfao) – all because of their feelings (not facts) – feelings of course that are born and caused within. It’s not the world that is their problem. It is themselves – their self-hatred, their entitlement, their immaturity, their ignorance, their indoctrination and deranged ideology, their whining and complaining, their self-caused depression, their mental illness and their spiritual destitution. Sorry, but it’s true. It’s all projection. The hatred, the accusations, the intolerance, the ignorance – it is all owned and perpetrated by the accuser him or herself. Those who scream for tolerance are perhaps the most intolerant of them all, as it only applies to those who agree with them about everything, even if they are dead wrong. You see often see this in narcissists and the insane. I’m right about everything (even if I don’t really know what the hell I’m talking about) and if you disagree, you must be evil, you must be stopped, you must be attacked, you perhaps even must be killed. Gee, such tolerance and love.

     The solution of spiritual action and putting God first does not guarantee we will never suffer. It’s not supposed to. What it guarantees is that that drugs and alcohol won’t ever be a problem again. Why? Because it restores our conscience and keeps our selfishness in check, thereby keeping us close to the Lord. If our conscience burns inside, we will refuse to use because we now care too much about the consequences of our actions – of wrong action. We cannot have success by carrying our selfishness into sobriety and continuing to demand the preservation of our comfort zone 24/7. But if we submit to the will of God and trust He won’t bring us anything that we cannot handle and endure, we can and will remain free until we draw our last breath.

     And trust me, despite all the constant whining and utter nonsense you hear today, we humans can endure a great deal.

Comment:

     “Thank you for your wonderful words. I appreciate your continued success.
My spouse has quit drinking , had a slip up during his sobriety. He quit by non traditional methods . My question. Do addicts say things like, “you won’t like what you get if I quit “? Why do they say this?”

 Response: 

     The addicted spouse will say this sort of thing for perhaps a number of reasons, but first and foremost because he/she (sorry for my evil “cisgendered” pronoun bigotry) doesn’t want to change. Many addicts, like many people in general, do not want to change. One reason for this is they may have had no exposure to a solution that is alive, well and glowing in another former addict. Where there is no spiritual solution, there is perhaps little hope and thus little desire to change. Addicts are selfish creatures, and as comfort-addicted children, most will want some assurance that should they embark on the process of recovery, they will at least feel better, forget about the notion of actually working to find God and eliminate their drug problem.

     It is also a manipulative thing to say. “Look what you made me do, you monster! So when I devolve into a depressed, angry, selfish, miserable animal, you’ll only have yourself to blame! Wanh… you want me to recover and step outside my comfortable, self-centered, safe space…? No way!“ Similar to the progressive mellenial or social academic of today who lacks wisdom and has no bearing on reality, common sense or hard work, they blame everything and everybody but themselves for anything uncomfortable that may happen to them, such as life on earth, or adulthood. They are dependent on the world around them to placate them, attend to their feelings (feelings are not facts, btw), pay for their stuff, house them, clothe them, educate them, support them, think, feel and act the way they do. Anyone who disagrees is considered an abhorrent bigot and must be blamed for every ill, whether personal or worldly.

     These are also words of cowardice (not that I’m an exception) – the mindset or attitude of a person who is not willing to work towards freeing themselves from the chains that bind them, to fight for personal change and success, to embrace self-honesty and awareness, and to grow up into a responsible and accountable adult. I feel for you, as the general attitude reflects a man who has little or no desire to own up to his life and his circumstances, both internal and external. He is already piling up excuses for his failure – “Well, no wonder I relapsed, I told you this would happen! Nobody could possibly be expected not to drink or use drug like an absolute freaking pig feeling the way I told you I would! Your fault! Not mine!” 

     Our drinking and drug use is nobody’s fault but our own. We alone are responsible for what we do and who we become. Similarly, our recovery is also our sole responsibility. Nobody can get us better except ourselves. Nobody is responsible for our recovery. We alone become addicts and we alone recover… with the help of God.

 

     So until the day comes when we stop with all the whining and complaining, there will be no recovery, let alone inner peace, honesty, accountability, joy, success and adulthood. I would say, “be a man,” but today “to be a man” is some sort of abomination (except when you need someone to build your deck, renovate your kitchen or fix your toilet, right? Then driving my truck is okay… or still not okay? lol) My Lord has our deranged, self-loathing, PC, Marxist culture become so derelict, so degenerate, so deviant, so Godless, so morally relative and devoid of reality… I would expect few to embark on true recovery with the now myriad of bullshit excuses out there today.

     Addiction is a rather simply malady to defeat. Once we begin loving God more than drugs, and once we become willing to do anything it takes to maintain that relationship, our problem is solved. That is all we must do. Act relentlessly to stay close to your Creator. I’m also convinced that it is not simply inner work such as prayer, meditation and written inventory, which are certainly crucial. But the real silver bullet is service. Serve and help others. Be useful. Act other-centeredly, which is simply the precise opposite of the way we act as addicts. If the cause is selfish action, the solution is and must be selfless action. What ever happened to logic, reason, common sense and work?

     There is not a single soul on the planet who needs some ridiculous substitution drug or designer psychotropic to recover. How is it possible that we pathological liars have convinced the public in general and even the medical community that addiction is some terminal, lifelong, blameless disease? We addicts who do not recover simply do not want to recover. Let’s face it. We love being high and drunk – all the time. Do not be fooled by the addict.

     Thus, we must begin to love something more, something as powerful as the drug itself. Those of us who do not recover are simply not willing to roll up our sleeves and engage in some rigorous work. We are wimps. This idea that addicts want to stop but cannot is nonsense. Any active addict and even many who fondle sobriety do not want to stop. We don’t want to stop, until we do. And once we do, and with a real, fundamental, spiritual solution laid at our feet, anything is possible.

     Finally, if it is true that addicts cannot stop and need to be plied with substitution drugs and rewired with psychotropics less there is no hope… then how am I recovered? People can change and rewire themselves. We can do this through right, moral action. We can do this through the power of God. Anything else is just an excuse. For me, until I rid myself of the excuses, until I stopped pretending to be a victim, until grew up and got to work, there was no genuine recovery.