Courage or Cowardice?

     “We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, p.19

     Wow. Congratulations. So we finally got sober. Now what?
     Achieving physical sobriety is about .05% of the total work required to become recovered.
     “We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.” (Ibid.)
     Are we going to remove our character defects?
     Are we going to exorcise the demons of selfishness, fear, dishonesty and fraudulence?
     Are we going to grow, change, and evolve spiritually?
     Are we going to give back to all those we have stolen from, spit on, and taken advantage of?
     Are we going to pick up the pieces of the broken hearts we left behind?
     Are we going to change the way we conduct ourselves?
     Are we going to stop taking credit for our recovery and the blessings in our lives?
     Are we going to show some gratitude and get our heads out of the pity pot?
     Are we going to become adults and realize we’re not the only ones who suffer?
     Are we going to stop blaming anyone and anything for what we’ve become?
     Are we going to take responsibility for our illness and the damage it has caused?
     Are we going to be accountable for our words, thoughts and actions for the rest of our lives?
     Are we going to live with some humility and forgo the arrogance?
     Are we going to bow before God?
     If so, then we are well on our way to becoming fully recovered and having an incredible life filled with miracles.
     If not, then we will continue to hurt others, suffer greatly, eventually relapse, and ultimately meet a very bitter end.
     Two parting thoughts: 1) Without honesty, we soon go insane, addict or not. 2) The #1 reason I took Steps and recovered, besides the fact that actively drinking or using once we’ve lost control is an abomination, is that I was sick of being a coward.  
God, please help every addict in the world find their way to the Steps and to You…

Don’t Use The Way I Do? Don’t Bother

     “But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, p.18
     If you haven’t used and felt the way I have, I won’t be listening to you, let alone taking your advice. If you haven’t lived what I’ve lived, how could you possibly know how to help me?

     This is yet another truth that Establishment puppets just don’t get. Since you cannot prove that another alcoholic can have more of an effect on an alcoholic than a non-alcoholic can, then it can’t possibly be true, right? This is the sort of obtuse thinking that pervades the Western medical community. To suggest that because methadone, suboxone and naltrexone can be tested, they are then better methods of treatment than applying the Twelve Steps rigorously, you have to be somewhat touched. Even better is how changing one’s character is just a side-thing, you know, take it or leave it. Right, addiction has nothing to do with character… and I have a bridge I’d like to sell you in California.

     I know many recovered alcoholics and addicts who tried these ‘scientifically proven’ treatment methods only to wind up overdosed on the floor on the verge of death. The very same junkies then met another addict who was recovered and in that very moment a seed that science cannot plant was planted. Through spiritual action, that seed grew and grew until they had fundamentally changed their brains and their entire attitude towards life. 

     Pills and therapy cannot control or reduce cravings. Pills and therapy cannot make an insane person sane. Neither can meetings and sponsors who call you up when you’re teetering on the edge. Science projects can’t change you into a better person. Neither can relapse prevention models, non-spiritual treatment centers, or any other public institution, such as recovery schools, that simply cave to the status quo and spit out the same old dumbed-down education, courtesy of the already well-sheered public trough. 

     A few weeks ago, I deleted a post entitled, Pushback, which is something I’ve never done before. I didn’t want this blog and the written work I’ve done in an effort to educate people to devolve into negativity and argument. But before I finish this little community project, I feel that truth is far more important than disappointing a few people. Plus, as a friend of my wife recently said, “If you’re not disappointing someone, then you’re not living your truth.” So allow me to point out the potentially fatal flaws in the very foolish thinking of the EPs that felt it appropriate to argue with a message that is based on the truth of reason, logic and experiential evidence.

     One of the factually incorrect assertions from the Globe article is that the Twelve Steps don’t involve “having a sponsor”, “joining together”, or “service”. Wow, scary to think that research groups like this are influencing or even writing public policy. 1) To “apply” the Twelve Steps you most certainly need a sponsor who has done so himself and works closely with you to guide you through the process. 2) The Steps promote, advocate and celebrate joining together with others who’ve found this solution in order to bring this message to others. 3) Rigorous application of the Twelve Steps involve a lifetime of service. So in a nutshell, sponsorship, a social network and service are all synonymous with “rigorous” Twelve Step “application”. 

     To note, here is the 12th Step, because clearly it hasn’t been fully understood, or perhaps even read. “Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, p.60. Um, so the entire point of the Twelve Steps is to get to the 12th Step and serve in every facet of our lives. 

     Another very dangerous assertion is that drugs such as Naltrexone and Methadone “help many people”, as they have shown effectiveness in clinical studies. This one deserves no rebuttal but for the sake of the greater good, let’s do it. First, of course addicts will report the effectiveness of drugs like Methadone and Subuxone because they are still jammed out of their fucking minds. These pills are nothing more than synthetic forms of heroin. They are all morphine-based opiates. Second, an addict taking Naltrexone (an opioid receptor antagonist) is still completely insane and subject to relapse at any moment, as they are simply biding time, standing on the edge of a cliff. Taking a pill that makes you sick when you drink is just about as contrary to a real solution as you can get. Also, takers of Naltrexone are, of course, untreated alcoholics or addicts, so, um, once they go crazy enough from the restlessness, irritability and depression, they’re just going to stop taking it and go get plastered.

     Here is yet another quote that should scare all of you addicts and parents out there.

     “We haven’t got strong evidence [to show] that actually working through the 12 steps [is] a determinant of future recovery.”

     So what you’re saying is that because you have some clinical evidence on some of the garbage that exists out there, you should be telling addicts to engage in this nonsense as opposed to taking Steps? Let’s take Methadone for example. What is your clinical evidence? That a bunch of deadbeats took it and stayed off of the real thing for a few years? How about their quality of life or moral character? So it’s now okay to measure success even though your subject is a complete zombie who doesn’t contribute anything, doesn’t help anybody, doesn’t give back to their families, and who is still a reeking cesspool of lies, selfishness, blame, fear, self-pity and cowardice? Could someone kindly explain to me what the point of suggesting such a remedy is, simply because we have some reports that it kept a pile of dirty addicts off the streets for a few months?

     Finally, if you have no clinical evidence to show that taking Steps is a ‘determinant of future recovery’, then maybe you should go get some. Go track the recovered souls who took Steps along side me to see what their lives look like 1, 5, 10 years later? You will see that not only are they sober, they live lives that are mind-bogglingly productive. They serve their communities and many like others. They exemplify superior moral character when it comes to their families, work and other relationships. They are not merely physically clean, but are cleaned out within. No longer are they rotting away from the poisons of resentment, depression, judgement, projection, and many others that continue to destroy the millions of ‘sober’ addicts out there who aren’t really changing at all. 
     So personal failure has nothing to do with the Twelve Steps. The Steps aren’t why we fail, WE are why we fail. And, ah, there’s no clinical evidence because the power of the Twelve Steps lies outside the scope of our cynical and idiotic thinking. It is a very mystical process that harnesses Power far outside the bounds of man-made laws and theories. We think we know everything, don’t we? We think we are just so amazing and brilliant that we’ll tell you how it is. Let the intellectual authorities handle this one! The truth is that we can only help others when we aren’t trying to. We can only help others when nobody’s looking. Having a spotlight and a pedestal and trying to effect policy with a lack of true knowledge and understanding of addiction is doing a tremendous disservice to the millions of addicts and families who suffer out there.

     “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, p.58

P.S. As far as replacement drugs and the endless psychotropics go, don’t you think everybody has already been medicated enough just from their respective addictions? And do we really want our children to become a bunch of lobotomized, catatonic zombies? Let’s leave the kids out of it, what do you say? They’re already going to be jobless and impoverished by parabolic national debt and the lunatics and thieves at the federal reserve.

Why The Steps Work

     The Steps give us enough things to do to always be working on ourselves. Between inventory, amends, prayer, meditation, heping others and working with addicts, we can almost constantly work on ourselves, if we choose. In fact, this is why the Steps work. But the trick is we have to push ourselves at every chance to take action. And more importantly, we have to push ourselves to take RIGHT action.

     That means we must learn to distinguish between actions that are useful and result in real growth, change and spiritual evolution, and useless actions that yield few to no results whatsoever. Relatively useless actions include meetings, individual or group therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, taking methadone or suboxone, taking psychotropics, having shock therapy, going to outpatient programs, engaging in role play and relapse prevention, taking herbs and homeopathy, relying on friends, family, coffee pots, sobriety chips, sober dances or that ridiculous book sold on cable TV, and last but not least, going to cushy and insanely over-priced treatment centers that serve tenderloin and swedish massages. Sorry, but useful actions are of a somewhat different nature… a spiritual nature. That’s because the solution to addiction is not man-made.
     Since addicts need to be told what to do, the Twelve Steps as they are laid out in the Big Book tell us what to do. They provide the tools we need to recover from our insanity, expel the spiritual poison that has brought us down, and establish an appropriate relationship with HIM. The solution is to use these tools to access the power of God, which if harnessed, is capable of anything. There is not one single addict on the face of the planet, regardless of how hopeless and toothless they may be, who God cannot make sane and free from addiction.

     Please don’t be fooled by any of the above mentioned half measures or false solutions. Other false (or in this case fake/scam) solutions include jokers such as Narconon, for a paltry fee of $15,000. For that you get to take a sauna and even get to keep their ‘life skills’ workbook, courtesy of some fabulously clever marketers and advertisers in L. Ron Hubbard and company. How do people fall for this stuff???

     Please also note that methadone and suboxone are simply forms of synthetic heroin, minus the acetic acid, or rather, the process of acetylation. All three drugs are morphine-based and thus derive from the same drug class. Methadone and suboxone are extremely dangerous. The notion of harm-reduction is a deceptive hoax that takes advantage of vulnerable addicts and parents in order to sell drugs. Drug sales are the incentive, not fixing addicts. In fact, you and I are being forced to pay for the distribution of methadone, as many of these ‘clinics’ are subsidized by tax dollars. The system is so broken, corrupt, idiotic and Godless, it hurts.

God, please help us distinguish between remedies and solutions…

Knowing God vs Having God

For sure, there is a difference between knowing God and having God.

     To know God we simply have to believe, or read some doctrine, or perhaps drop by Sunday service and potluck. But to have God we have to perform. We have to take actions that bring God into us and expand His actual presence.

God, teach me to have You, not just to know You…

Audi Boy

     So Audi boy is the slicked out, ultra-conceited, ultra-entitled shithead speeding onto the highway the other morning in his S6 with tinted windows and custom rims… and we shouldn’t neglect the spiked hair. Even though we were driving through the homogenous, quasi-suburb of Beverly, Massachusetts, for a second I thought I was outside Scoozi on Newbury Street. Audi boy sped onto the highway so fast that he lost the wheel for a second and almost barreled right into us before pulling back and speeding off without a care in the world. It’s a good thing he was wearing five hundred dollar women’s sunglasses, as otherwise he may not have seen us in time. But that’s neither here nor there because this guy was way too cool to be bothered by a passing family. I mean, who are we to drive on his road? Who are we to get in Audi boy’s way? Whatever Audi boy’s doing is obviously way more important than anything else in the entire world. I mean after all, maybe he was on his way to a Jersey Shore audition.

     Here is the ensuing resentment inventory I wrote:

1st Column (the object of my resentment):

Audi boy (name was actually much worse but for the sake of decency, Audi boy will do just fine.)

2nd Column (the specific resentment):

Pulls onto highway at mach 10 with his chick sunglasses on, almost killing my wife and 9-month old. (Slight exaggeration, of course)

3rd Column (what parts of me the resentment affects):

Pride/Ambition, Security,

4th Column (My own self-seeking, selfishness, dishonesty & fear in the resentment):

*Self-Seeking: I repel vanity and exemplify humility. (i.e. I wanted to be seen that way. Usually we’re anything but the way we want to be seen.)
*Selfish: More than even protecting my family, I wanted Audi boy to know and feel how stupid he is. (to feed my pride & ego)
*Dishonest: (The truth is) Audi boy reminded me of myself, the self-worshipping part that I loathe.
*Fear: I fear confrontation. I’m afraid to love others.

God, teach me that Audi boy is in fact a great and wise teacher of mine…