Addicts Don’t Understand Being Human

Addicts think that simply being human makes it appropriate to use drugs… 

     We addicts somehow believe that our experience is novel. We believe that NOBODY suffers quite like we do, that nobody feels depression and despair and dissatisfaction the way we do. We believe ourselves to be special and unique and different from everybody else, even other addicts. Believe it or not, I actually believed there wasn’t a single soul who understood or felt what I felt, that I somehow had it the worst…


     …and believing such bullshit made it very convenient to do anything it took to make myself feel different. I believed that I had a divine right to keep myself comfortable 24/7 by drinking and using drugs because nobody experienced pain and discomfort as I did.

     Oh but they do. It’s called being human. Everybody suffers. Everybody feels uncomfortable and shitty at times. The difference is that they have continued developing into adulthood and understand that suffering is just a part of life and that they have a responsibility not to let it stop them from doing what they have to do, from doing what is right. 
     Normal people understand that life isn’t about non-stop euphoria. It was never intended to be. That’s not what being human is. That’s not reality. Life is all sorts of things – up and down, light and dark, joy and pain, gain and loss, good days and bad days. The sooner addicts figure that out, the sooner they can grow up and join the rest of the human race.
     Another delusion we have is that strong or painful or uncomfortable feelings are tangible, evil forces that can and will stop us, and might even kill us! Nonsense. Feelings and thoughts will not kill us, as they will not kill anybody, and we do not have to let them stop us. In fact, whining about how awful our feelings are and why we can’t go to work or help out or recover from addiction is just a clever excuse to avoid becoming an adult and contributing to the world. If you want to know what an addict is, it’s very simple. An addict is simply a child in an adult body. This is why I suggested in my book that maybe we should suck our thumbs so potential friends, spouses and employers can identify us. 
      Why is reality so lost on us? Why do addicts somehow think it’s unnatural to feel uncomfortable sometimes, even though we just call that life on earth? I think it’s simply because we are addicts, and being an addict involves a pathological level of selfishness, immaturity and stupidity, as well as a very narcissistic and narrow view of the world, of life, and of those who surround us. We are completely detached and disconnected from reality and thus from ourselves and from others. A good friend once said that we are but human caricatures.  
     Once we figure out that life includes both emotional suffering and physical discomfort, and once we figure out that we are no different from the 7 billion other human beings on earth, we can grasp the practical idea that feelings don’t have to stop us. Addicts must accept the fact that it’s okay to suffer. As well, we must stop resisting the way we feel. What we resist will persist. We must accept and befriend our negative feelings, understanding that they are part of us. In this way, they move along and eventually dissipate without crippling us.
     You don’t make war with part of yourself (by using drugs) unless you are trying to amplify and compound your horrible feelings. Instead you feel what you are feeling and walk through it like everybody else, and you do so because it is your human responsibility. You do so because it is embarrassing to physically become an adult but continue to behave like a child, which is where we get the term, man-child.  
     The bottom line is that addicts must grow up and have the guts to simply be human. That’s all there is to it. That’s really what recovery and the Steps are all about. Growing up. And rejecting everything that makes us an addict.

God, give me the power and the willingness to walk through my feelings and do what is right…

Opioid Crisis A Crisis of Compassion (i.e. funding)? Um, Nope.

      Before we get started, I’d like to offer you a link to a post by my amazing friend, Janet. She writes a beautiful blog and recently posted about our constant exposure to chemicals and several ways to detox our homes. She opens by accurately correlating the explosion in cancer and other illnesses to the onslaught of chemical use/exposure, followed by the shocking treatment of wheat harvests in America. She writes,

  
     “Common wheat harvest protocol in the United States is to drench the wheat fields with Roundup several days before the combine harvesters work through the fields as the practice allows for an earlier, easier and bigger harvest.”

     Janet’s blog is called, The Gardener’s Cottage, loved and followed by many, and the specific post about chemicals is: Detoxing my home

*
So we should now be subsidized simply for being human?

If you want to have a conversation about social/cultural issues that may contribute to drug abuse, we can do that, but lack of funding has nothing to do with it. Those who believe we need more laws and government and money have taken the bait. There is no stopping drug use, and instead of trying to rob people who have already suffered a hefty shearing at the hands of their own addicted children, all we can do is try to heal culturally by healing individually, by restoring the sanctity of the family and thus instilling in our kids some direction, some morals and some backbone. 

     Someone sent me this article recently about the “opioid crisis.” The media is clever when it comes to manipulating people, but we don’t mince words here, so let’s first uncover the term ‘compassion’ in this headline to be nothing more than a euphemism for more funding, more government programs, more heroin shoot-up sites, more free methadone, more free stuff. The truth? None of that will even begin to touch the problem. 100% useless.

     If we really want to have compassion on addicts, perhaps we should stop robbing them of the solution. Perhaps we should stop taking the teeth out of recovery in the already existing programs. Perhaps we should suggest that programs teach addicts the truth – that drugs and alcohol are merely a sideshow, that they must fundamentally change from deep within and adopt an entirely new set of principles and often a whole new life purpose. Perhaps we should stop robbing addicts of the spiritual solution. Perhaps we should stop medicating addicts, as, after all, that is the problem to being with.

     Compassion is not money, government, lobbying and self-seeking. Compassion is strength and humility. What good is more funding if the programs are impotent and the addicts remain internally destitute? Teach them to have compassion on themselves by walking through fear, by vigorously pursuing health, strength, success, responsibility and hard work so we may learn to have compassion on others. It is addicts who need to learn compassion on others, not others who need to learn compassion on addicts.

     Addicts make themselves addict. The disease is not something you just wake up with one day. That is a destructive and dangerous attitude. It is also wrong. If you want to call it a disease, fine, but it is a disease that we gave to ourselves. We mutated ourselves ‘into’ addicts and ‘out of’ compassion. What a ridiculous and clueless assumption that it is a lack of tax dollars and federal laws that is causing the opioid crisis, especially when you consider that most “opiate” users, such as prescription drugs like OxyContin are middle, upper-middle and affluent rich kids, otherwise known as snobs. Funding is not the problem. The problem is most certainly personal. 

     Only so far as we have become an indifferent, apathetic and Godless culture (that has lost respect for the institution of family) is this true, but the lack of compassion on the opiate user himself has 0% to do with why they use. Conversely, compassion will do absolutely nothing to stop an addict from using, nor will it push him or her to get better. Addicts use and recover from within. Nothing external matters. Nothing. Rich or poor, love or abuse, compassion or no compassion. Irrelevant.

     If you want to have a conversation about social issues that may contribute to drug abuse, we can do that, but more laws and funding have nothing to do with it. Those who believe that have taken the bait. As far as the larger problem of cultural and economic decay, well, take your pick as to why people might want to use drugs. For one, moral relativity, the degenerate idea that there is no such thing right and wrong (or rather, if it’s right for me than it’s right) combined with the “I deserve to never suffer” attitude, is causing addicts to have no moral compass. If we believe using drugs is no big deal, it becomes much easier to start using. Nobody tells us anymore the hell we inflict on those who love us. Our spiritual illness is entirely absent today in the coddled nanny state of America where everybody is a victim and nothing is your fault.

     So go ahead, take your pick:

     Lack of purpose. Lack of meaning. Lack of direction. Apathy. Indifference. Entitlement. Dependency. Moral relativity. The nanny state. The welfare state. The ‘Every Kid Gets a Trophy’ mentality. Lack of personal responsibility. Progressive secularism. Failure to grow up, move out of mom & dad’s house and get a job. Culture in decline – Jersey Shore, Kardashians, Teen Mom, etc. Self-indulgence, deviance and pornography in film, television and music. Coddled youth. Skill-less youth.   Despondent youth due to terminal economy and student debt atrocity (guess which administration is responsible for facilitating the student loan debacle?) Offended America. The Police State. Growing lack of personal freedom, economic freedom and free speech…

     … or how about the war on family as no longer sacred, empowering and valuable. The war on God. The decline in standard of living due to the hollowing out of America. The annihilation of the middle class due to socialism. Micro-aggressions and the victim mentality. The dumbing down of American education. The absence of financial IQ in all middle schools, high schools, colleges and even graduate schools. Kids today are taught to fall in line, to be mediocre civil servants, to not take risks, start businesses or be successful. Kids today are taught that success and wealth are evil. This is particularly destructive to the human spirit. Anyway, take your pick. The list goes on and on…

     Trust me, the addict mentality – that nobody quite suffers the way we do, that we should never have to feel pain or discomfort, that everything should be laid our for us, that nothing’s fair and that others are responsible to make sure we feel safe and cozy, to make sure we have a job and a wage we are happy with, to make sure we have access to everything we need, all the time. Sorry folks, but that is LALA LAND. So we should now be subsidized simply for being human? Haven’t enough parents already been wiped out by their own addicted children on program after program, and oh yeah, they relapsed again?

     Please.

    So the addict mentality is really just a microcosm of the cultural mentality we see infecting our society and our country today. This combined with the economic decline and the total lack of confidence in government is going to soon unravel us and lead to a tremendous breakdown. My advice would be to stop drinking whatever Kool-aid one might be drinking and try to accumulate some financial IQ and some actual skill sets… and perhaps adopt a less collectivist and more risk-taking frame of mind. Trust me, I say this for our own sake and for that of future generations. I have children now, whom I adore, so I really don’t give a shit about ruffling some feathers. The truth and pulling back from the brink of the dark ages 2.0 is far more important.

Why Addicts Can’t Stay Sober

1) The mental obsession. A mere sober addict is still completely insane and subject to relapse. Sober-only addicts will experience thoughts to drink or use that do not respond to ration or reason. We can, however, remove this obsession through spiritual action and achieve lifelong sobriety, free from the danger of relapse. But if we don’t change, if we don’t restore ourselves to sanity and re-acquire the power of choice, we have no chance in hell.

     Usually the removal of such a condition requires divine intervention. To be more accurate, the result of our sincere work and desire to change may induce the power of God to remove our obsession, as man-made remedies simply aren’t capable of such a task. There is no pill nor any expert that can remove this obsession. There is no pill that can make an insane man sane. And most importantly, the addict himself is not capable of removing his obsession. The combination of his insanity and his total loss of willpower leave him incapacitated. If you don’t believe me, feel free to try going from a chronic and hopeless drug addict to completely and utterly free inside for the rest of your life on your own volition. And by free I mean zero urge or desire to self-destruct + inner peace and contentment.

2) We still want to feel good in sobriety. Therefore, everything the addict does after getting sober is simply to feel good or to achieve maximum comfort. If we fail to rid ourselves of this attitude – this comfort addiction and selfish frame of mind – then we have no chance.

3) Happiness, success and normalcy are too unfamiliar. Addicts have complacently adjusted to a status quo of chaos, failure and sabotage. It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks. However, if an addict is going to make it, he or she must embrace and get used to things working out. Things aren’t suddenly working out because of magic, they’re working out because we’re doing the right thing.

4) Refusing to act morally and to make things right. If we fail to sincerely make our amends to spouses, family, friends, colleagues, institutions and creditors, then we have no chance. We will soon fall spiritually ill and relapse. Furthermore, if we don’t change the way we conduct ourselves on a daily basis, we will rapidly move backwards and become ill. We must change the way we think, speak and act. There is no staying sober without living by spiritual principles and treating others with kindness, love, tolerance and respect (yes, I fail constantly in this department but I try enough to be okay). We must also never ignore requests for our service. If the people in our lives need our help, we must always respond. Failure to do so, failure to become other-centered will crush our conscience once again and we will surely relapse.

     We must also change our approach to adult life and the way we view suffering and discomfort. Finally, we must change the way we see both personal and human responsibility.

5) Failure to continue growing spiritually. If we truly want to change and grow and recover, then we must continue to evolve spiritually. That means we must continue writing inventory and reading it. It means we must continue praying. It means we must continue meditating. It means we must help other addicts when the opportunity presents itself. To remain sane and free from addiction, we must continue to work on not just our outer lives, but our inner lives as well. Stillness, prayer and meditation are crucial for the mind and heart of an addict. Failure to maintain our inner health will also result in eventual relapse.

God, teach me that You love me…

Any Thoughts on Sex Addiction?

Comment:

     Dear Charlie, I have been married to a recovering alcoholic for 12 years, together for 22 years. When we have been to couples counseling he always gets pats on the back for his alcohol recovery. 6 months ago it came out in a terrible way that he has been using the internet for porn, cyber sex, chatroom sex, phone sex. He had an affair with a coworker to boot. I will spare you the details- but the cyber stuff has been on and off for our whole marriage. The dishonesty is stunning and devastating. His behavior looks like addiction, acts like addiction and has no moral compass like addiction. He wants to do couples therapy. He has convinced his counselor that this is relationship problem. We’ve done this before – and clearly it didn’t change anything– it all got worse. From my point he behaves like an addict and I don’t want to do couples therapy unless he is in recovery- like you write- with his actions. I am not sure if I can reconcile with him or if I want to but I do want to forgive him. I admire Desmond Tutu’s approach to forgiveness- and I like how you are a hard ass about action. Do you have any thoughts or writing on sex addiction and recovery in the context of other addictions? Thank you so much for your strong voice in this field.

Response:

    First, I totally agree with you about therapy. I don’t know why anyone would engage in couples therapy when one of the two is not in recovery. As well, no good therapist would recommend that, unless of course they just need to fill up their time slots to stay in business. 
      
     Many addicts are preoccupied with sex and sexuality, as sexual activity is a selfish act and elicits the same bio-chemical response as do drugs and alcohol (the release of dopamine), so needless to say, most (if not all) drug addicts and alcoholics are also sex addicts. I would prescribe the same thing I would prescribe any addict: a rigorous Twelve Step process, leading to the daily practice of prayer, meditation and spiritual principles. That was basically the purpose of “Anybody Can Take Steps,” for non-addicts and others who suffer from different ailments to use these same tools… that they are universal and should not be hoarded. Below is a brief excerpt from the book about sexual depravity and what have you.

From Anybody Can Take Steps, pp. 124-5, Copyright 2015:

<!– /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Garamond; panose-1:2 2 4 4 3 3 1 1 8 3; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin-right:0in; mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ascii-font-family:Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Garamond; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} —     “Finally, sexual misconduct and other indulgent but potentially harmful behaviors, while perhaps fun and satisfying in the moment, can cause tremendous harm to self and others. Addicts and alcoholics must be especially careful not to recover and then substitute drugs for sex, or worse yet, cheat on our spouses. Sex is a drug, but cheating is an even more powerful drug. This sort of behavior can bring us down and inflict psycho-emotional damage onto others, so we cannot simply do the wrong thing and just make sure to write about it later in our 10th Step inventory and it’s all good. This may sound ridiculous, but I’ve talked to many alcoholics supposedly in recovery who believe sexual misconduct is not a big deal and will not affect their recovery. Think again. For us addicts and alcoholics, if we plan on staying sober, it is most certainly a big deal. Addict or not, our spiritual health is in grave danger if we engage in sex as a drug, or worse yet, manipulate others for sex or engage in adultery. Karmic triangles are never good, and there are always ripple effects to spouses, children etc. Needless to say, our new path should reduce victims, not create more. 

     This may be uncomfortable, but some people have specifically lost power over sexual misconduct or deviance. As discussed in the first chapter, we can lose power over anything, and sexual misconduct is certainly one such thing. Sexual deviance of any kind is a sign that evil has somehow entered the body and must be exorcised at once. Even pornography and masturbation, as harmless as they may seem, can slowly eat away at the soul and rob us of our vital energy, our inner peace and our love for others. These compulsions will amplify feelings of depression, frustration, angst, irritability and unhappiness. Like an addict or an alcoholic, miserable is the man who becomes addicted to sex or masturbation and relies on it to feel good and fill himself up. The truth is that some of us use sex to replace emptiness and boredom when we are really looking for purpose and meaning. We must take Steps and give our lives over to God. No excuses.”

Does Praying for Others Really Work?

Comment: 

     Hi Charlie, how do you pray for others? It’s not that I don’t believe in God but it seems that prayers for my daughter and myself are missing something. I don’t feel the connection to God. Is it the same prayer so you can connect more deeply? Is it just anything that comes to your mind? I feel numb after dealing with my daughter’s addiction for the last 14 years.

Response:

     Does praying unselfishly for others always work? Unfortunately, no, but especially if that person is sick, as you are contending with their illness, with their lack of will and power, with the strength of whatever darkness is inside them. However, praying for others does change the energetic dynamic between the two of you, and perhaps between them and God, and we all know that miracles do happen. As well, praying earnestly and unselfishly for someone who is sick will have a positive effect on you. It is real love and any action of real love will work to heal you and help you to let go. Finally, it will keep you closer to God, so that is always a good thing.

Things I’ve Learned.

 

1) Action begets more action.

     I often feel suffocated by the increasingly clueless establishment view of addiction and recovery. This is why it’s good to unplug once in a while and take extended breaks from media etc., especially when it seems everything is scripted in some way to promote a bias that often benefits the messenger or his friends and is destructive to its recipients. At any rate, there is always some new ‘cutting edge’ approach to addiction, some new miracle drug (oxymoron), some new epiphany that will explain everything and finally fix every addict in the world. Most of the stuff people send me actually gives me a headache. I’ve stated previously that the scientific credo known as Ockham’s Razor (among competing hypotheses, the one with the fewest assumptions should be selected) is now constantly violated. The point is that recovery is very simple, and the secret is really no secret at all. It’s called:

     Hard work.
     Yup, that’s it. But let me briefly explain why. The addict’s problem is most certainly internal and related to his total lack of will and the accompanying self-pity etc. etc. and on and on. Therefore, there is no easy way out. Sorry. We addicts and alcoholics must manually undo the damage we have done. We must act our way out. No external approach will create motivation within the addict. Nothing external will light that fire. Only the addict himself can light that fire by finally getting off of his ass and taking action. And then once an action has been taken, it simultaneously dissolves his self-absorption and restores his will. In doing so, action begets more action. And then more action begets even more action. That is how you recover. The better you want to get (and the better you want to feel), the more action you will take. There is no recovery without right, productive, moral action… and lots of it.

2) Unselfish prayer is a powerful action and yes, it actually works.

     Younger sponsees often complain about the ineffectiveness of prayer. They need to be reminded that God is not Santa Claus. Prayer is only effective if the prayer is unselfish. Sure it can be for ourselves, but only for us to strengthen or effect us in some way such that we become more useful or loving to others. As well, purely unselfish prayer (i.e. praying for others) actually changes the fabric of the universe. It shifts reality. I know this first hand as I have witnessed sudden effects (such as a complete change of heart or the sudden will to make a decision) in others after praying for them deeply and earnestly. Anyway, go for it. Pray unselfishly and see what happens.

     Some people have also asked me how do I find people to help. If you wake up and say this prayer and mean it, trust me, people in need will find you and probably within hours.

     “God, please bring me the opportunity to help others.”  

4) Physical sobriety does not remove the mental obsession or restore an addict to sanity.

     Often we addicts and alcoholics try to “white-knuckle” it. That is, we simply achieve physical sobriety and try to move forward. But from point A to point B, nothing has changed. There is no chance in hell that the true alcoholic or addict will remain sober if he or she still has a broken mind – a mind that suffers from the mental obsession to drink or use. Addicts and alcoholics are insane people. This is what many do not understand. When you remove the substances, nothing has changed and the addict is walking around subject to relapse at any point in time and for no apparent reason.

     The hopeless addict or alcoholic must be restored to sanity. In other words, the power of choice must be restored. And that will not occur in any addict or alcoholic who continues to do the wrong thing. There is no sanity, and therefore no long-term or good sobriety without also living by spiritual (moral) principles. So you cannot lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, abuse and shamelessly depend on others and expect to stay clean. It just doesn’t work that way. The addict must change as a person.

     The meaninglessness of physical sobriety alone begs the following question: why do we feel proud for achieving physical sobriety, so proud that we opt to receive periodic trophies and congratulations for doing absolutely nothing. We never should have become addicts to begin with, so why is achieving sobriety an accomplishment, let alone getting better? This is precisely why we can liken addicts and alcoholics to children who simply refuse to grow up and still exist in their own little worlds. Addicts are incapable of stepping in the shoes of another, and this is why they appear somewhat sociopathic and cause so much pain to so many.

3) God exists.

     And if you stay focused on your relationship with God and your spiritual growth (i.e. taking care of yourself and others mentally, emotionally and physically), you will always be okay. You will always be free. It’s not fluff to say that addiction is more of a spiritual problem than anything else, and that recovery is mystical. I don’t find it confusing at all why so many fail. They simply haven’t been taught about the true nature of their addiction and therefore haven’t entered the spiritual realm of recovery. Conventional wisdom and mainstream methods are completely in the dark. It’s so sad.

      But there is a solution. 

The Votes Are In: Addicts Are Selfish People

 

 
     Took some screenshots for you throughout the week (privileged addict searches omitted). Is anyone out there really going to keep up with the farce that addicts are not morally challenged? Selfishness at the expense of others is a moral failure. Continuing to use once we lose control is a moral failure. I think it’s time to admit what is so glaringly obvious. Hey, don’t take my word for it, listen to the people. See for yourself…

alcoholics anonymous. meeting makers
frothy emotional appeal big book
aa cured vs recovered
are alcoholics selfish
can sociopaths get better (lol)
frothy emotional appeal
gift of desperation nonsense
god healed me from methadone (yes, methadone is pure evil)
latuda fuck
meeting makers make it (meeting makers make meetings)
selfish alcoholics
the addict blames everyone
why do addicted people feel they are [victims]
alcoholics selfish
is turning others against you a common [trait among addicts]
alcoholics are selfish
pain people feel when married to drunk
problem of selfishness
recovering alcoholic still playing victim
why are alcoholics so selfish
why do alcoholics disappear (gee, I wonder)
bipolar disorder hoax
sober forever
what does untreated alcoholism do…
why are alcoholics liars, mean and selfish
why are alcoholics mean
alcoholics are selfish
alcohol hurts other people
alcoholic grandiosity (yup)
alcoholic men and what they think
alcoholic selfishness
are alcoholics selfish
do alcoholics care they hurt people
can’t stay sober
why are addicts so selfish
chatrooms for spouses of mean selfish alcoholics
how to get out of a manipulative relationship
what alcoholics don’t think they are assholes
why alcoholics hurt loved ones
why r alcoholics self centered
why are alcoholics so selfish
alcoholics don’t care who they hurt
he’s an alcoholic and only worried about [himself]
why are addicts so selfish
why be sober (this guy makes everybody’s point for them)
addict lose girl after hurting feelings 
alcoholic friend never calls criticizes(right because untreated addicts aren’t capable of friendships, which require giving)
alcoholic husband says he’s not abusive
aa resentment inventory example
addicts epitomize selfishness
gift of desperation aa
alcohol and selfishness
alcoholic feeling sorry for himself
chatrooms for spouses of mean selfish alcoholics
addicts are so selfish
do alcoholics know how much pain
walking away from an alcoholic…
alcoholics selfish
can the false self survive in sobriety? (nope)
alcoholics abandon relationships
should you just accept alcoholics as t… (no, you shouldn’t)
don’t feel comfortable around wife drinking…
selfish addicts
aa 164 self-knowledge
alcoholic thinks about the past
are addicts obnoxious (does the sun rise in the morning?)
why do alcoholics put others down
are recovering alcoholics selfish
why alcoholics treat people like crap
selfishness and alcohol
resentment inventory example 

In Defense of Addicts, Well, Sort of…

In “Get an Addict Better,” I tried to lay out some macro-incentive for addicts to recover, above and beyond the built-in incentive we have to stop hurting those who love us, especially our parents. At any rate, the post “Why Alcoholics Hurt People” is well read and has become a comment forum for many to express grievances, many of which I’m sure are justified and somewhat rational. However, let’s look at some recent comments from both an alcoholic and a codependent… and then my reply. I don’t usually reply on that post because there is really no point. Many simply come to read the comments, go off a bit and then take off, but today I felt as though I should chime in briefly for what is hopefully an appropriate interference.

 Comment:

From everything that I am reading, alcoholics don’t change they just should die. My 14 year old daughter’s father is an alcoholic. I hated him for at least 12 years, until he recently apologized to me for hurting me when she was a baby. Like a fool, I fell in head first. Since we’ve been back together, I have come to the conclusion that he is an alcoholic. When he’s drunk he’s a totally different person, he doesn’t even have the same voice…But he’s not mean, he’s loving and even cries a lot. But, when he’s not drunk he’s the meanest person, the devil. Last Friday, he loved me and just a few days later when he wasn’t drunk, he hates me and feels that I’m disgusting and the worse women he’s ever dated. When he drinks he’s dangerous and wants to drive and plays with guns. I feel stupid, hurt, ashamed, alone, abused, abandoned, unsuccessful, need I say more…

Comment:

I am a 52yr old alcoholic. 4th generation – at least 4 family, including my brother and father died because of alcoholism. I was up to a cask a day when I fell asleep with a cigarette in my mouth that fell into a hard plastic splint I was wearing for a dislocated shoulder (a fall because I was drunk). 20% 3rd and 4th degree burns. Nearly died 3 times that fateful day.. My separated wife refused to be my next of kin and in the following months, battling in intensive care unit and burns units- the only contact she made was for money to pay bills and dump my clothes on me. My 2 adult sons, who I love very much and miss do not talk to me. Living in basic accommodation with little financial security. Have chronic depression. Lonely, burns hurt- still have more treatment coming, sad. Have not drunk fr 35 days (yay). See a counsellor, doctor, psychologist, go to 2 separate alcohol support groups- one AA, the other run by professionals. Have been down this path many times. Just sharing helps. People tell me that time heals and my life will get better- when??? What makes this round any different than all of the other times?

Okay, that’s enough. A “cask” a day? Lol. Notice “4th generation” too, as if his great, great, great grandfather is somehow responsible for his alcoholism. No offense, but please, our genes do not turn us into alcoholics. Even if you are vulnerable biologically, you have to just say “F that, nothing is going to bring me down.” I come from hundreds of years of alcoholics and bipolar lunatics and do you think I blame any of them for my own actions and my own cowardice? Nope. Instead of succumbing to some tainted legacy, we should be the ones to go out and finally conquer our generational demons. And don’t tell me you can’t do it because that is nonsense. Don’t tell me about the depression. Push through it with everything you have inside you. Become an example, not a victim. Sorry to be a dick about it.

Response:
Strange that people only seem to read this post.

Of course you can change. ANYONE can change. That is the entire point of this blog and the story I wrote.

No offense, but if you are suffering 24/7, there is something wrong with your program. You are relying on doctors, shrinks, groups and things outside of yourself to get you better, but it doesn’t work that way. There are well over a hundred posts that describe the profound change both myself and many others have secured, and in fact, the very description and purpose of the blog and my story is to describe and inspire just that.

But here’s the thing: recovery and getting better is NOT a function of time, but of what actions we are taking. It has nothing to do with time passing. Sorry, but AA meetings are perhaps 1-5% of the program (please note that I have softened a bit to extend the 0-1% range all the way up to 5%). Go find someone what has actually recovered and is clearly okay (strong, content and lit up with spirit, with God) to take you through the Step process as it’s laid out in the Big Book.

That is AA and will not fail you should you truly want to change, be willing to go to any lengths, and be willing to be wrong about everything you believe and think you know.

Do service all day long if you have to. It’s about becoming other-centered, not focusing on yourself and your feelings, which is why therapy, doctors and groups are such a joke. You really just have to stop whining and focusing on yourself and your feelings so much if you want to get better, as feelings and self have nothing to do with getting better.

     Also, the thing about alcoholics never changing and should just die, well, that is nonsense. Those who don’t change simply don’t want to, but anybody can change and many addicts should change and use any gifts they have to effect positive change in the world.

     Finally, if you are in a toxic relationship with someone and you stay in that relationship knowing it is toxic, there is something wrong with you as well as the addict. Honor yourself. To thine own self be true. No excuses.

Now, to be fair, many of us refuse to get better, have no problem being a selfish imbecile who uses others and feeds off the public trough, do not deserve you and therefore yes, would probably serve the world more in the ground. That said, a much better option is for addicts to do some work and grow up into adults so we can heal our families and serve others. But you see, this is the problem with our increasingly childish, pampered and victimized culture. It is now acceptable to whine and make demands of those who do not, those who simply get up and go to work in the morning and don’t bother anybody. We have become so insanely PC and emasculated, so to speak.

Folks, guess why some people are successful and some are drugs addicts, or worse yet, drug dealers? Are successful people just lucky and drug addicts or dealers just victims, as you’ve been hearing lately? Sorry, nope. That is nonsense. Success comes from this crazy thing we call hard work, coupled with a moral compass and a backbone.

Where have all the adults gone?

Status Quo Puppets

     Obviously the trick to contentment is to empty the mind, to stop expecting, to stop controlling, to just accept whatever is happening because as soon as you try to change something that you cannot change, you begin to suffer. But then you have addicts…
 

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     A dad once peddled an entire package of that ‘Beyond Addiction’ fluff to me. He wasn’t the first and I’m quite sure he won’t be the last. Ironically, both of his sons were addicts with whom I had worked, and yes, with love and tact I ripped into both them quite a bit. Both eventually went up North, took Steps wholeheartedly as laid out in the Big Book, adopted the firm belief and necessity of putting their spiritual growth and their God-conscience first above all else, and yes, both are now recovered.
     To push forward and change, there has to be a dissonance, an interruption, a blast of sorts. At some point we must get frustrated, pissed off and angered, which is a perfectly natural reaction to hearing some truth about ourselves, our lives, our bullshit and the phony caricature we have become. Then, God willing, we calm down afterwards and realize, even subconsciously, that hey, that guy was right about me. I haven’t really been digging deep. I haven’t truly changed. Then and only then can we turn around with renewed strength, willingness and clarity to peel away yet another layer, to go deeper, become honest and finally begin moving forward in earnest.

     Trust me, no addict will change in therapy (although he will def show up every week if you give him free methadone). Addicts need a set of actions to take. They need to simply start working and taking right action, and then the mind follows. You cannot teach an insane person how to think right. CBT is backwards for addicts. We are so warped that we must simply begin to act right and gradually the mind becomes sane once again. I realize that many psychologists make their money on fluff and friendship, and while that may work just fine for other types, for hardcore addicts, it doesn’t work at all.

     I also realize that many think you can’t possibly effect positive change by telling the truth to addicts, but they’ve never really tried it tactfully. Look, I realize that nothing outside of the addict can change him or push him to act and I’ve written just that more times than I can count. Many though have asked me to weigh in and if you at least want a hand to play, you must set a boundary or an ultimatum and honor it by following through. Those who say they’ve tried this and failed have probably never followed through with anything.

      If the addict doesn’t get better and the relationship is toxic, what other choices do you have? Continuing on is only a way to dishonor yourself while simultaneously doing a disservice to the addict by allowing him or her to continue being showered with privileges such as your love, friendship, time, money, energy, etc. So don’t put up with any shit and don’t try something unless you’re actually going to do it and see it through until the end. Many do not follow through with anything, especially addicts and codependents. Either way, the truth is I’ve never really cared to give specific, personal advice. What I do is to simply share my experience, what has worked and what has failed. The very description of the blog reads in part, “This blog is not intended to be case specific advice. We must all find our own answers.” I’m always telling people not to listen to me but to think and act for themselves.

     I realize that therapists, counselors and teachers etc. criticize me often, but that is because they are hopeless in helping addicts. They can’t do it. They don’t even understand it, so we can’t blame them. They’re just not capable, especially since understanding the nature of addiction lies outside the scope of the establishment brainwashing they have suffered during college and/or graduate school. Most people are blind to the fact that universities and professors are hired and used as puppets to promote the status quo, to pump ideas and theories that serve the elite while slowly ruining the people and the country (such as Keynesian/Marxist economics and so forth). The last thing you want to do is create problems where none exist, whether individual or societal. Besides, regardless of how hard you try, you cannot alter the business cycle, let alone the course of nature and the very cycles that define us and all of existence. Just the notion itself is ridiculous, and intervention can fast become tyrannical, as we are seeing.

     Moreover, there has always been an active effort to silence opposing views and destroy the reputation of real academics who try to publish real research and truth. Knowledge, science and academics are not the problem. The problem is co-opted academics and loony tune professors. 20 or 30 years from now, most of the status quo bullshit everybody believes will be well disproved and the government will find new theories to fund and peddle in order to ply the public to accept their well disguised but self-serving, globalist agenda. Hegelian Dialectic – problem, reaction, solution. Very clever. See “Sharyl Attkisson’s Ted Talk” on ‘astroturf’ and media manipulation. For instance, The Cloud Mystery is fascinating, but you can see what real scientists have to deal.

     Now, sure this is a tangent and you’ll have to forgive me, but the truth is that the people are considered scum to the elite, despite what you hear at the podium, especially under the current regime. The people are dirty, unwashed animals who know nothing and need to be told what is best for them. What breathtaking arrogance. The people are but tax slaves for the government to milk on a daily basis until they have finally bled out and become enraged, at which point the moonbat academics give them some fictional ‘social injustice’ to rant and rave about to divert attention away from what’s really going on – economic decline and government expansion/overreach. When you finally wake up and remove the veil of propaganda, it is really quite an event.

     But trust me dear pot-smoking, highly offended, gender fluid college students, the solution is not to bankrupt every citizen and the entire country (while simultaneously demanding they conform to your every view) especially when our Debt to GDP ratio is 105% and unfunded liabilities exceed $200,000,000,000,000 (insane). PLEASE have a look at the US Debt Clock and tell me if those numbers make any sense. This is very immature and short-term thinking. It is very irresponsible. When you drive capital away and reduce wealth, you crush the economy (not to mention human spirit) and depress GDP. It is deflationary. How does that help? I don’t get it.

     It is actually immoral to tax people. And the estate tax is not just immoral, it is outright theft. As well, when you promote the doctrine of envy and dependence and make everyone the same, you crush individual thought, speech, ambition, originality, independence and incentive to push oneself, take risks, strive and fight for success. Those who live in the real world understand that. See Why Capitalism is Great.

     We should ask ourselves, is that what we really want to do? Do we really want to relegate everybody to the ash heap of mediocrity and hand all of the power the government? I don’t understand, how is that a solution as opposed to a direct affront to humanity and freedom?

     PS Smoking pot ruins your brain, contrary to popular belief… that is, if you have a brain to begin with.

     PPS Just saw this mini-review of “Confessions of Congressman X” on Martin Armstrong’s blog, which I strongly recommend (the blog that is). People should also watch the new documentary on Clinton Cash, which gives a glimpse of how corrupt they are to the bone, let alone morally bankrupt. Unfortunately, the movie is but a few drops in the bucket compared to the extent of criminal activity, but hey, it’s a start. Also see Chris Hedges in “Brace Yourself! The American Empire is Over”“A Career Criminal”.

     PPPS By the way, few are aware because (as usual) it was jammed down our throats (no pun intended) like a thief in the night, but the “bathroom bill” was just passed here in Massachusetts (for like .03% of the population). Wait, so I can wake up tomorrow, choose to identify as a woman, walk into the ladies’ room or the girls’ showers and whip my junk out? Huh? Does that apply to grown men working at public middle schools as well? So there is no biological requirement for the law? So my little girl should just “get used to seeing male genitalia”, as a recent NC Observer editorial suggests? Sorry, that’s no gonna happen. When did it suddenly become offensive or discriminatory to use the designated male bathrooms and showers if, um, you were born with a penis? Sorry, but you haven’t been traumatized by having to use a bathroom designated for your own biological sex. It is entirely your prerogative if you want to choose to identify as a woman or a man or an elephant for that matter, but being comfortable all of the time is not a basic human right. There are many things that make me uncomfortable but I don’t get, nor do I want to demand a law for them all. Why? Because that would violate the basic human rights of others. AG Lynch likened men and women’s bathrooms to Jim Crow laws… are you kidding me? Are we losing it?

     Contrary to popular belief, gender is not just a social construct and using pronouns is not a form of bigotry. I once had a nutcase professor who (somewhat angrily ((go figure)) taught us that the only difference between men and women was “some pop in and some pop out.” Lol. Needless to say, she didn’t have children, let alone any clue what she was talking about. Why is it that people without children (and who don’t work) are seemingly clueless about all sorts of things? Anyway, I just don’t get it. How is this law (in its current form) not at best an affront to personal privacy and free speech and at worst an effort to unravel the very fabric of society? What about women’s rights? No offense (pun intended), but if some dude follows my little girl into the bathroom, we’re gonna have a little problem.