Tag Archives: Forgiveness

Letting Go

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     Letting go is when I no longer care what others think of me. I no longer need the approval of my family. I no longer need approval of who I am, who I’m with, what I believe, what I’m thinking, what I do for work, etc. And I no longer need to preach to others because I am okay with myself.

     When we need to prove or preach something to others, the sad and rather unattractive truth is that we don’t entirely believe it ourselves. But if we are okay, inside and out, we don’t need to prove anything to anyone. We don’t need approval, validation, credit or recognition. 
     The day I let go was the day I stopped caring what other people thought about my life and what I was doing. It was the day I stopped needing for my friends in recovery to see all the stuff I was doing to help others. I didn’t need to show off, or need a pat on the back, or need smoke to be blown up my ass. And this is true peace – when you no longer need something outside of yourself to be okay.

    Letting go is also forgiveness. That’s why the process of writing a thorough inventory can truly save an addict’s life. Clearly understanding our resentments has the power to fix an addict for good. If we can successfully dissolve our anger and resentment then we can forgive, and when we can forgive, we are free. There is no more need to hurt self or others. That is peace. Ridding ourselves of resentment is crucial to the process of restoring ourselves to sanity. And sanity, of course, means no more addiction. Sanity means life. Enjoy it.

     Finally, it is important to understand that letting go is a process. We don’t just read it in a supermarket self-help book and wala, we’ve let go and our life magically gets better. Letting go is the result of hard work. As we continue to take Steps year after year, we step back one day to realize that we have let go. We are completely okay with the way things are. We are okay with life. We are free inside. We have recovered.

God, help me become willing to take actions that help me to let go…

Resentment Inventory Example

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     Inventory extracts resentments, fears, and flawed, immoral conduct. It does this by helping us to see situations clearly. When we see things clearly, we become honest with ourselves, and when we become honest, we can forgive ourselves. And then, beautifully, when we forgive ourselves, we can forgive anyone.

     An older post, Resentment Inventory, has gotten a number of hits lately, so after forgetting to ever follow it up with an example, here is some resentment inventory from my original 4th Step years ago.

See also: Resentment, Fear Inventory & Sex Inventory. As well, see More Inventory, Home Depot Inventory & Professor Masshole

1st Column: Mom  

2nd Column: Thinks I should be medicated.

3rd Column: (Affects my…) Self-Esteem,  Pride/Ambition, Personal/Sex Relations.

4th Column:

*Self-Seeking: I want to be seen as normal and sane.

*Selfish: I want Mom to leave me alone. I’m unable to see that Mom loves me and is just trying to help me.

*Dishonest: I know I am sick, but getting angry and resenting Mom helps me avoid being accountable and taking responsibility for my illness.

*Fear: I fear what Mom and others think of me. I fear facing my depression.

     Once freed from our resentment through the new understanding we’ve gained, we must let go of our inventory by reading it to someone we confide in, if not someone who has gone through the process. After reading, we can sit quietly to reflect on what we’ve learned about ourselves, allowing us to let go even deeper. And finally, we can conclude with the recitation of the 7th Step prayer:

     “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, p.76

God, please help me to see those things that block me from You and Others…