Medication vs Meditation

     Just like untreated alcoholics get touchy about the fact that they are white knuckling it and pointlessly going to meetings, so do depressive types get touchy about where their depression came from. When I say that depression is our own fault, I’m not saying it to hurt our already sensitive feelings. I say it purely as a matter of fact.

     Nobody gives us depression or makes us depressed. Fact. You don’t catch depression in the air. Fact. We are solely responsible for our depression. Fact. Why is it so offensive to simply understand ourselves and what it is that makes us suffer? Everything we feel and everything we become is the result of our own choices, actions, reactions and responses. Nothing else is to blame for the mental disorders we end up with, just like nothing and no one is to blame for us becoming alcoholics or drug addicts.

     People also get touchy about going to the doctor for meds. I realize that if something is difficult to conquer on your own, or with the help of something Greater, it is natural to want to give up and turn to drugs for an easier, softer way. I don’t judge or criticize anybody who wants to take medication for depression.

     I’ve suffered from major depression. I know how it feels, as I was brutalized by it for years. Depression crippled me and at times paralyzed me. But it can be endured without drugs. I understand how it seems impossible to function and do anything. But it is not impossible. It only feels that way. We may even believe this is the only reality. But it is not. It is not impossible to walk through our feelings. Our feelings do not have the power to stop us. We are not screwed forever without meds.

     When I suffered from depression, I knew deep in my heart that medication was not a solution. Sure I knew that it might work like a charm. But I also knew that when I stopped taking it, I was right back to where I started – insane and untreated. I was still the same, fundamentally damaged person inside. I hadn’t fixed any of the things that made me depressed. I hadn’t worked on myself a single bit. That I couldn’t live with. I couldn’t take meds knowing that I’d remain completely fucked in the head, heart, mind and spirit. I wanted to change. I wanted to resolve my pain, expel my demons, and live free.

    True freedom means we forgo the psychotropics. I wanted to change my bio-chemistry without one of corporate America’s science projects. And yes, it can be done. Yes, we can change and conquer our depression. Yes, we can even alter our bio-chemistry through action alone. Try meditation.

     The point is, sure these powerful, mood-altering, brain-damaging drugs might work, but we can also accomplish the same thing in a real and true way. We can learn how to pray and meditate. We can exorcise our demons by finding our fault in our resentments and fears. We can take inventory on a daily basis. We can be of service and give to others.

     Remember that depression is a purely selfish state of being, so getting outside of ourselves is the single best thing for us. And if these things don’t work right away, it’s because they’re not meant to. It’s not supposed to be easy. It takes courage and guts. God doesn’t help those who don’t do some hard work first. Try some work and keep up with it, and see what happens. Eventually, the depression will dissipate as you empower yourself and become stronger through right action. Eventually, you will even out and be able to control your emotions.

     The point of life isn’t to be in a constant state of rapture anyway. The best thing for us is not to get too low or too high. Why don’t doctors promote the medicine of reality? I know, I know… because it doesn’t pay. Plus, it’s also fun for them to use us like guinea pigs. Pretty soon they’ll have the entire country on medication. That should be interesting.

     I know people will get mad at me and say that I could be telling someone not to take meds who then might go commit suicide. Well, first of all, I’m not telling anybody to do anything. I’m telling you what I did and what I know for myself. Secondly, sure someone might commit suicide without meds, but they also might take a bunch of meds, then stop taking them, then have a psychotic break, and then walk into the office with a loaded assault rifle.

     Do we really want to be re-wiring our brains without any idea of the possible consequences? If you’re an adult, then fine, do what you want. But let’s leave the kids out of it. What do you say? Don’t tell me a 3 year-old has bipolar and ADHD, and should be medicated to the point of catatonia.

God, help me get better through Your power alone…

The Bipolar & ADD Hoax

     Many alcoholics and addicts do not recover. Watered down AA is just one problem. Perhaps an even bigger problem is the entire Western medical community, an arrogant community that pushes theories, disorders and pharmaceutical treatments as if they were ordained by God.

     Many of us who wind up in any mainstream clinical setting will almost immediately be diagnosed with ADD and/or Bipolar Disorder (formerly Manic Depressive Disorder). Sorry, but both of these disorders are fabricated. To note, I know people who truly suffer from severe biochemical imbalance, and let me tell you that the slew of essentially normal people now getting slapped with the bipolar tag is complete nonsense.

     Many years ago, it was thought and medically accepted that bipolar did not manifest itself until the age of 18. Now small children and toddlers are being diagnosed with bipolar and medicated with powerful psychotropic drugs, some to their death. Guess why?

     Secondly, every child who doesn’t want to sit through a bunch of mindless public school classes is getting pinned with ADD or ADHD, neither of which is a permanent neurochemical condition. These are clear-cut social diseases, but again, millions are diagnosed.

     Now, take a look at the symptoms of Bipolar and ADD. Bipolar Disorder is a cycle between periods of mania and depression. Mania is characterized by over-active mental activity, grandiosity, delusions, etc. Depression is characterized by apathy, numbness, lack of pleasure or interest in just about anything.

     Hmm, that sounds strangely similar to ANY drug addict.

     Alcoholics and addicts mimic all of these behaviors. When we are drunk, jammed, or high as shit on cocaine, we are manic. When we run out and sink into the torture of withdrawal, we are depressed as all hell. Why is it that when I removed the drugs and took Steps, the “bipolar” suddenly disappeared? Why is it that after growing up a bit, writing some inventory, making some amends, helping others, meditating and praying consistently did my neurochemistry return to normal and remain that way ever since?

     It’s because our problem isn’t ADD or Bipolar. Our problem isn’t even really drugs and alcohol. Our problem is simply that we are empty. We are spiritually ill and we lack purpose and meaning.

     What’s so sad is that what we need is the exact opposite of more pills, more institutions, more doctors, and more therapy. And believe me, it is no coincidence that each of these mainstream solutions are peddled by multi-billion dollar industries and the sociopaths who run them. We don’t need to be someone’s guinea pig. Many of these basket case medications that they toss out like Skittles will mess us up big time in the long term. They will rewire our brain, rob us of our personality, annihilate our creativity, and forever categorize us as damaged goods.

     We need to instead find ourselves, find purpose, and perhaps cultivate a spiritual life. We need to grow up and stop being so unbelievably selfish. We need to motivate regardless of how shitty we feel in the morning, just like everybody else in the world. Having horrible feelings isn’t a novelty. Nor is having a bad day.

     Doctors, psychologists, and clueless social workers will tell you that your depression is caused by something other than you, something outside of yourself, that it is someone else’s fault, or that you perhaps caught it in the air. But for some reason they don’t tell you the truth. The truth is that it is our own fault. And no, I don’t mean that harshly. I simply mean that we are responsible for it. It is WE who give ourselves depression and WE are the only ones who can pull ourselves out of it. We make certain choices and we choose to respond to events a certain way. We are responsible for how we end up.

     Don’t count on some cocktail of psychotropic drugs to actually help or change you. And I also wouldn’t count on some hero with a PhD who thinks some insane science project will save you. In the end, all of this intervention might just kill us or facilitate some sort of psychotic break. Ever notice how there is now a medication for everything? Addicts and alcoholics, and perhaps all of us, must take back control of our lives if we want to be free inside…  and perhaps outside as well. Peace does not come from without, but rather from within.

Illusions of Psychiatry (Article)

Drugs For Drugs?

     Guess what the best, Harvard educated minds gave me to solve my problem with drugs? Drugs. Yes, I’m aware that such advice sounds like a ridiculous joke. And yes, the best and brightest of an entire medical community know little more than nothing about addiction and treating addiction. Doctors and psychiatrists think that addiction is purely a bio-chemical issue. They also think that addiction should be part of a dual-diagnosis (hoax), sitting beside some mental illness. The truth is they haven’t the faintest clue how to treat your addiction, so they just treat you for mental illness (and usually fail at that as well, especially since much of it is induced by the substance use).

     Take some of the drugs I’ve been offered just for the drug-related portion of my problem: methadone, suboxone, ativan.

     Methadone and suboxone are opiates, like heroin or oxycontin. The argument is that at least you’re not buying dope off the street and we can ween you off in a clinical setting. So the solution is to remain an absolute junkhead, but hey, at least it’s prescribed… and after years of methadone ‘maintenance’, I can try to ween myself off it once the withdrawal effects have become so bad that I’d rather just kill myself or shoot dope again.

     I was given Ativan to calm down and sleep at night, and it took all of a week to become a full blown benzo addict. Benzodiazepines such as valium, ativan, xanax and klonopin are the modern equivalent of barbituates. They have replaced old-school barbiturate tranquilizers because they don’t depress respiratory functioning. Why is this important? Because they pass these things out like Skittles. Everybody with anxiety has xanax in their pocketbook. But doctors assume that people with anxiety also drink alcohol, and if you were to drink on a barbiturate, it could just stop your breathing altogether, especially once you pass out.

     Now for the psychotropics. When I worked at an alternative recovery high school, many of the kids were on some combination of hardcore psychotropics. Seroquel was as common as cell phones. Very popular. But there are also mood-stabilzers like depakote, anti-pyschotics like zyprexa, and of course a slew of SSRIs and MAO-Inhibiters, commonly known as anti-depressants. These are powerful bio-chemical drugs that literally rewire your brain. The end result is that I become nothing short of a zombie – emotionally, psychologically, creatively etc. After years of use, you need to embark on a recovery program just from the physical and psychological effects of the drugs you took to help yourself. Plus there’s a good chance you may have irreparable brain damage. And remember, these were the drugs that were supposed to help you with the other drug problem you had.

     Finally, many of the kids were on stimulants for ADD or ADHD, such as ritalin and adderall. Pumping kids or addicts (or anybody) with speed is one of the dumbest things a doctor or parent can do. You might as well just give them cocaine or crack. Long term, consistent use of these drugs, as well as seroquel and other anti-psychotics, can lead to permanent brain damage. Seroquel et al can cause Tardive Diskenisia, an irreversible neurological disorder that includes such permanent symptoms as tongue protrusion, grimacing, rapid eye blinking, lip smacking, rapid arm movement and other involuntary movements. Try going to a job interview and sticking out your tongue at the interviewer about a hundred times uncontrollably. Great solution.

      So that is what one of the best psychiatric medical teams in the country had to offer me. Or I could have just been treated for my alcoholism. Is it any wonder they don’t prescribe a spiritual program of action that may work wonders but offers no financial incentive???

God, make me willing to take action to get better, and give me the power and the strength to act without more drugs…