Monthly Archives: September 2012

Do You Feel It?

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     We must listen to our conscience if we are to return to sanity…
   
     If I can’t feel in my gut what is right and what is wrong, then there is something wrong with my program. We take Steps to restore our conscience and then it is up to us not to ignore these gut feelings.  If we feel something is right, we go and do it. If we feel that something is wrong, we avoid it at all costs. With the power to act or to refrain, we can now move away from the selfish part of our recovery and go help others. We can give back to the families, friends and the larger world that we have taken so much from. We can walk forward after walking backward for so long. It is now our responsibility to serve.

     Remember, addicts don’t deserve what we have. Sure we respect ourselves and we are nobody’s doormat… but we must never trample humility. If we have made it and recovered by some miracle, it is most certainly because we were CHOSEN to get better and to help others, not because we deserved it. Once we get involved in the Steps, we are in mystical territory. We must continue or bad things will happen. We must never ignore our conscience.

     By the way, YES, I still make tons of mistakes and I trample humility, regrettably. But if I do wrong, I don’t walk away and watch my soul slowly die. I make it right. And if I am too cooked or stupid to know that I wronged someone, please approach me and I swear to you that I will admit my wrongs and faults, and listen to all you have to say.

God, make me willing to change, grow and serve…

12 Step Posters/Posers

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     Follow up to the previous Let Go and Let God post about AA slogans (Also see AA Slogans). There is, in fact, a problem with this slogan, or rather its constant recitation in AA. When I walk into a meeting, there are few, if any, who can tell me exactly how to let go and how let God.

     Even more disappointing is that there may be no one in the room who has done so himself.

    That poster of the 12 Steps that hangs on the wall is not the Twelve Steps. It is a summary. The detailed instructions are inside the Big Book, even though hoards of AA ‘members’ aren’t really sure what’s in the book other than a few stories. Others think the Big Book is just something you win in the raffle at the end of the meeting.

     Nothing could be further from the truth.

     Find someone who has taken Steps (as they are laid out in Alcoholics Anonymous) and has recovered. That’s the guy you want to follow. That is real sponsorship. It’s not going out bowling on Friday or talking on the phone when you feel like drinking. As if a phone conversation is going to stop us once we are hit with the mental obsession. Joke. If a fundamental principle of AA tells us that we are beyond human aid, when did it become acceptable to think that a phone call can keep us sober? This is why I’m not so sure how many folks in AA are really alcoholics, as apparently they can stop on their own self-will.

God, teach us that action, not empty words, colorful stories and group therapy, is what keeps us sober…

Let Go and Let God

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     So here is one of the few good AA slogans, since I promised to make up for bashing so many others in an older entry, AA Slogans.


Let Go and Let God
   
     Needless to say, this is the essence and the desired result of taking Steps. When I take a 3rd Step, I have become willing to let go of a life driven by self-will. I have decided to no longer be guided by my warped and broken mind. I have essentially given my will over to God, and by promising to take more action, the two hopefully become aligned. The goal is to get my self-will to naturally do God’s will. In other words, I seek to naturally do the right thing, to naturally be honest, helpful, willing, tolerant and loving. In this sense, it’s fine to use as much self-will as I want in order to do God’s will.
     When we addicts begin to worry about ourselves – our feelings, our lives, our financial security, even our hopes and dreams – this is when we have stopped letting go. We have reverted back to self-will and attempting to control our lives. Alcoholics and addicts think they know what’s best for them. We think we know what we should be doing in life. We think we are better directors of our life show, better drivers of our destiny.
     Wrong!
     We are terrible at controlling our lives and making decisions. In fact, addict or not, a life driven by self-will can be a total failure. Sure we may accomplish anything and everything in the world, but we may be void of the only thing that matters: peace. What’s the point of anything if we feel empty, angry, anxious, depressed, unsettled, distracted or our hearts are clenched? Who cares what we have, what we own, who we are with, or what we have accomplished?
     A teacher of mine once said, Charlie the only thing that really matters is how you feel inside. And no, he didn’t mean that in the selfish way.
God, please help me let go of self-will, that I may align with Your will…