Monthly Archives: February 2013

No Grey Areas

Posted on by under All or None, Recovered vs Recovering

     Alcoholics Anonymous – The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism.

     “WE, OF Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication is necessary. We think this account of our experiences will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. Many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person. And besides, we are sure that our way of living has its advantages for all.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, Foreword To First Edition, xiii

     “‘Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them.'” – Alcoholics Anonymous, p.27

     The reason we say we’re either recovered or not at all is because there is no in-between. There really isn’t such a thing as “recovering” or “in recovery”, according to AA’s own Big Book. We’re either recovered or we’re completely damaged. We are either insane, still suffering from the mental obsession and therefore subject to relapse at any point in time, or not. There is no grey area.

     So why does everybody in AA say, “I’m Joe Schmo, I’m a recovering alcoholic.”? More to the point, why do heads turn angrily when I raise my hand and say, “I’m Charlie, I’m a recovered alcoholic.”?

God, Thy Will Be Done…

Everything Good Is God

Posted on by under God's Existence, Investments, Taking Credit, US Dollar

     “Faced with this problem, if a doctor is honest with himself, he must sometimes feel his own inadequacy. Although he gives all that is in him, it is often not enough. One feels that something more than human power is needed to produce this essential psychic change. Though the aggregate of recoveries resulting from psychiatric effort is considerable, we physicians must admit we have made little impression upon the problem as a whole. Many types do not respond to the ordinary psychological approach.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, The Doctor’s Opinion, xxix

      I do not and will never take credit for the work I did and for the resulting miracles in my life. Sure I made an effort and did some work BUT everything good that I do is powered by God and is God. Additionally, all good things that have come to me as a result of the work I’ve done are from God and are God. I believe that will all my heart.

     Yes, getting better requires some hard work. But the thing that actually changes us, removes the mental obsession and restores us to sanity, that is God. There is no becoming recovered without the assistance of God. And because I am certain of that, I am also certain that GOD exists. God exists whether we believe it or not. There is a truth out there, and there is a spiritual world. There is much more happening here than we can see, hear and touch. So to deny God and the angels, is really to deny ourselves.

     We should get on the right side of that trade, if you will. And speaking of trades and investments, the US dollar will most certainly be collapsing at some point, thus utterly destroying your savings and everything you have worked so hard for. This may occur after a deflationary contraction (as the parabolic debt bubble explodes) that will trigger an unspeakable onslaught of central bank money printing. All central banks are simultaneously devaluing their currencies (i.e. stealing your money and thus your time, energy, work & freedom), and the US dollar collapse won’t spare anyone. And hey, we really shouldn’t be surprised when this happens because we elected these insane dumbasses. You will likely see gold and silver fly through the roof (as their prices are simply a barometer of economic health and that of fiat currencies) and enter a bubble, just like housing, but much, much bigger.

     Don’t forget to sell at the top… unless there is a new monetary system by then that is backed by sound money, but that’s not likely, because unbacked paper money is how we are controlled, marginalized, and ultimately robbed by the powers that be. It’s also how the banks get bailed out after crashing the economy and destroying the wealth of millions. The money to bail them out doesn’t exist, it is printed out of thin air, and thus we get screwed twice through taxes and inflation. And to make you even sicker, guess what the banking elite does with your hard-earned, now watered-down bailout dollars? Yup, that’s right, take billions in subsidized bonuses even though they should be in jail for committing crimes and for being the very dumbest business minds on the planet, along with the FOMC committee.

NOTE: Above is not financial advice. Same with addiction. I have decided not to reply personally to any comments to protect myself from libel or slander, of which I have often been a victim. But oh, the sheer comedy of trying to destroy a reputation that is one or two steps above sewer garbage anyway! However, I want everyone who has reached out and taken the time to comment to know that I am with you all. I will forever remain to pray with you for your loved ones. God Bless You All.

God, teach me to be still and know… 

‘Debt Collapse’ Educational Video

Animal Messengers

Posted on by under Animal Messages, Awareness, Chances, Opportunities, Roadblocks

     I’m reaching the point where I’ve pretty much written what I know about addiction, recovery, and the spiritual solution, minus a few academic details that nobody needs to be bored with at this point. So I’m not sure too much more needs to be said. I have a few more posts up my sleeve in an effort to make this thing a full, one-year project. I recommend that if any of this makes sense to you or that you find it useful, go back and read all of the previous posts, when and if time permits.

     Regarding animals and messages, after a single comment from a staffer up North, I packed my bags and was ready to throw away everything I’d worked so hard for. I was on the precipice of change, about to read a moral inventory of my entire life. I’m quite sure that the Red-Tailed Hawk I saw after walking out of the director’s office up North was telling me to grab an opportunity that I may lose forever.

     Years ago my mother gave me Medicine Cards, a Native American book that describes the messages that certain animals bring to us when we need them. The hawk, for instance, is just that, a messenger, and tells us to either be aware of a coming opportunity, or to beware of possible danger. Other animals may be telling us to nourish ourselves or simply bask in the sun for a while. And yet others may be telling us that we are giving our power away to someone or something else. By examining the traits of our native animals, Native Americans were able to deduce distinct messages about ourselves, our families, our careers, our pride, our egos, our self-esteem or our self-image, amongst many others.

     Now when I see a hawk, I take notice. I try to stay aware of an opportunity coming my way, or that perhaps there is a coming roadblock in my life path. One way or the other, it is this awareness that can serve us addicts tremendously. All we have to do to become aware is to remain in the present moment. Do just what we’re doing right now. The past is gone and the future isn’t here yet, and thus neither exist.

     And remember the message from the berry detox tea I had a few nights ago – Chances multiply if you grab them.

God, help me to be where my feet are, that I may live with greater awareness…

Hitting Bottom

Posted on by under http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post

     You don’t need to wind up toothless in a crack house with every STD known to man before you’re ready to get better. It’s a nice cliche, but we don’t have to wait that long, nor does there have to be a singular or distinct bottom. The last time I went to detox, I only went because I was broke as hell one day and started sinking into withdrawals. I know plenty of fellow idiots who had no intention of getting better and who weren’t ready at all, but then something hit them along the way while in treatment and they somehow recovered (in spite of themselves). Perhaps some of it is larger than us. Perhaps it is already scripted as to when and how we finally decide to change and get better. For me, I believe with all my heart that is was a series of mystical events and divine intervention that got me to treatment, to the Steps, and ultimately, to GOD. And thus, Fate, as it were, is my best answer. 

     I suppose if I had to define it practically, it’s probably when we get to the point where we can no longer lie… to others, and especially to ourselves. I came to that point when I finally looked in the mirror one day and wanted to stop but couldn’t. And if I had to really pinpoint a turning point, it was probably when they told me I couldn’t smoke cigarettes as I was being admitted into detox. Every cell in my body wanted to run out of the door as I felt myself becoming increasingly trapped and going crazy. But in that very moment of learning there was no smoking allowed, something came over me. I can’t explain it. And by the time the nurse slapped a nicotine patch on my arm, I didn’t even need it. God had decided that I would be staying in the detox ward and not leaving against medical advice for one last butt. At that point, nothing could have altered my resolve.   

     However, there are a slew of worldly forces actually preventing us from hitting bottom, interfering with fate and thus serving to prevent us from recovering sooner. First on the list is doctors/pharmaceutical companies and their dual-diagnosis scam (i.e. sell you as many drugs as possible). The dual-diagnosis hoax prevented me from truly getting better for at least 4 or 5 years. If we are well on our way to hitting some kind of ‘bottom’ and suddenly get stopped by some hero PhD who slaps us with a dual-diagnosis and throws us on a bunch of powerful and mind-numbing meds, we will never hit bottom in earnest. At that point, we simply stop where we are, forever wallowing in purgatory. The moment we begin medicating for some abstraction that we don’t even have, we are officially stuck. We are also, and more importantly, shut off from the light and the power of God.

     Other and more unintentional forces that prevent us from hitting bottom are the people who love and enable us. If we still have access to love, comfort, money and other resources, we will continue to bide time and ride the train as long as possible. It’s not their fault, needless to say, as it is very difficult to act counter-instinctually. It goes against our human nature. But that’s okay. One way or the other, we will either hit bottom and finally get better, not hit bottom but get better in spite of ourselves, or never have the chance to hit bottom. My personal belief is that forces which act to prevent us from ‘hitting bottom’ are in fact doing us a disservice, because think about it, the worse we get, the closer we are actually getting to finally getting better, that is if we don’t die along the way. But we should remember that we cannot control other people’s lives. It is one of many fruitless endeavors, for the most part.

God, help me to feel the 1st Step in my bones, in every cell of my being…

Addiction Is a Spiritual Problem

Posted on by under Addiction 101, God, Mental Obsession, Service, Solution

     Addiction is a spiritual problem.

     Yes, I understand there are physical and mental components, but these elements manifest themselves after we have become spiritually ill. Addiction is a symptom of spiritual malady. That is the truth, regardless of what anyone may say.

     Before moving on to the solution, it is imperative to explain the mental component to better help non-addicts truly understand what it’s like to be an addict. The mental problem we have is why once we get sober, we cannot stay that way. People have to understand that there is nothing that can stop us from using once that switch goes off in our heads, even if we’ve been sober for months and months at a time. This is what it means to have no power, to have lost the power of choice. Perhaps a brief anecdote may help to describe the curious phenomenon of having a broken mind, if you will.

     Years ago, while working in Boston, I writhed in bed for days like a coward before finally kicking OxyContin and heroin. I withdrew all substances from my body and was totally clean and sober. About five days later, as I began to feel better, I remember having a conversation with myself as I drove home from work. I was done. I knew it in my heart. I went over my entire life and came to grips with the tragedy, loss and heartache my addiction had caused everyone around me. I felt strong and confident. I wanted a better life. I committed to never going back. I was done for good.

     Then the phone rang.

     It was my one of my dealers.

     This you must understand: As soon as the phone rang, for all intents and purposes, the car drove itself off of Storrow Drive and straight to my dealer’s house. I didn’t think for a split second. I couldn’t. Why? Because it was just a reflex at that point. I saw my caller ID and the entire 20-minute conversation I had with myself seconds before just vanished into thin air and I ripped the steering wheel around and sped to his house without a single thought entering my head (except what’s the quickest route?). And please don’t mistake my phone or the dealer’s number as a trigger, because it’s not. Breathing is the only trigger. If the dealer didn’t call, I wouldn’t have made it out of the city anyway. The phone is irrelevant.

     To note, what I just described was purely a mental phenomenon and had nothing to do with the physical disease of addiction, or rather, the physical compulsions associated with addiction. The ‘disease’ portion of our addiction only manifests AFTER we begin using. When we are completely sober, what occurs is purely mental (and spiritual, of course).

     And that, my friends, is the mental obsession. We have no defense against it. Trust me, no doctor, pill, therapy session, call from a sponsor or relapse prevention program can do anything at all once an obsession of this sort manifests itself in our minds. That is a type of insanity that cannot be fought and conquered by any human force. We are completely, utterly defenseless. That is addiction. That is why we can’t stay sober. We go insane.

     So what is the solution?

     If our problem is spiritual than so must be our solution.

     The solution is spiritual action, or practically speaking, SERVICE. The very moment we become other-centered is the very moment we begin to change and recover permanently (mentally, not physically, as we will never be safe from actually drinking or using drugs of any sort. Our bodies are permanently damaged). But the secret to addiction is service, which is why the entire Western medical community has no clue how to treat it. They try and they try but they just can’t seem to crack it. Plus there’s no financial incentive in telling drug addicts to simply give of themselves. But if we really want to get better and truly change, we have to serve others instead of ourselves. Service is the SILVER BULLET. Best thing for addicts, by far.

     And why does spiritual action and service work? Because with each right action, we are brought closer to God. And GOD, of course, can heal anybody of anything.

Get An Addict Better…

Posted on by under Remedies vs Solution, Sobriety vs Change, Spiritual Action

     … and he or she can do incredible, amazing things.

      Like the teenaged kid I know who overdosed from shooting heroin and was pretty much dead until he was shot up with two loads of Narcan, took Steps, recovered, asked me for a ride to make amends to a sporting goods franchise he stole from, made a slew of other frightening amends, started multiple groups and ended up managing a sober house, all while sponsoring several others.

      Or the girl I know who took Steps, recovered and started speaking all over the place, began sponsoring countless other girls and went on to run a women’s sober house while working another full time job. Just as strange is how happy, content and at peace she is. You would never know she was/is a drug addict.

     Or the other guys I know who took Steps, recovered, and then went on to open up multiple sober houses after sponsoring piles and piles of other guys, all the while starting groups, running other groups, and working intensively with individual family members and parents.

     Huh?

     Don’t selfish, lazy, deranged, piece of shit drugs addicts get sober only to hold on by a thread, frantically running from meeting to meeting, chain smoking butts and nursing iced coffees all day long? Don’t they retain most, if not all of their personality flaws, still acting like defensive, jaded, victims? Wait, I thought we were all pretty much toast once we become chronic, hopeless addicts.

     Nope.

     The truth is that many alcoholics and drug addicts are talented, ambitious, and potentially incredible people. Every drug addict who not only achieves physical sobriety but who recovers fully in his or her mind, heart and soul, can re-join the world and do amazing things. They can help countless others, or contribute in other untold ways. Recovered addicts can effect great change in this world simply because they are now glowing within and powered by the limitless strength and wisdom of GOD.

God, please help addicts who still suffer find their way to the Steps and to You…  

Moral Relativity

Posted on by under Declining Culture, Moral Degeneration, Moral Relativity, Sacrilegious Doctrines

     What is moral relativity?

     It means that anything goes. It means that if I don’t think something I did is wrong (even if it hurts you), then it isn’t. It means that what is right for me doesn’t have to be right for you and vice versa. It basically means that there is no more right and wrong.
    We now live in a culture/country of moral relativity and as a result, the individual and group conscience is dying. This is actually quite frightening, because when we no longer care about, or when we no longer commonly accept what is right and what is wrong, then we essentially become passive robots, or better yet, slaves, who allow all sorts of fraud, corruption and wrongdoing to occur all around us and to us.
     This is what’s now happening to America – especially in all facets of banking and government. This is why the unprecedented fraud, corruption and theft of the American people in 2008 and everyday since hasn’t been prosecuted in the slightest, and it never will be. Why? Because so few know the truth and so few care, especially the sociopathic powers that be. In fact, facilitating and lying about fraud has become the mandate of the current administration as well as the entire house and senate.
     This is why the federal reserve is ‘printing’ money to buy your worth-less mortgages (your loss in home value isn’t being marked to market by the banks – this is accounting fraud), as well as ‘printing’ money to buy treasury bonds in order to service the interest on a parabolic national debt that will soon crash the entire system. Then they are selling the newly created bonds (dollars printed are exchanged for bonds) to foreigners so they can then take those dollars and come buy everything up or just be left holding the bag like everybody else, as the dollar steadily loses value.
     Essentially, you (the middle class) are being extinguished financially, along with your children’s future (as it is now mathematically impossible to grow our way out of this = debt will continue rising), knowingly and with purpose, but nobody really knows and nobody really cares. The truth? Our entire economy is fake, as it functions on a debt-based monetary system. Our prosperity has been borrowed into existence, and therefore has been funded by the expansion of debt. What happens when we can no longer borrow and print our way into growth and prosperity…???
     As a result of all this, the dollar paradigm will be coming to an end this decade, as the US/UK hegemony slowly comes apart. Much of our purchasing power will be destroyed as the powers that be inflict rampant inflation upon us in order to line their own pockets and the pockets of the largest, most corrupt banks in the world. The dollar is already being rejected in international trade. Power is shifting back East. The Chinese yuan will be backed by gold and will vie to replace the dollar as the new world reserve currency, or at least be a major player. Regardless, the international monetary system will be reset and replaced after the largest debt bubble in history pops. If you think 2008 was bad, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
     Forgive me, I digress. Back to addiction. Who else lives by the degenerate philosophy of moral relativity? Drug addicts. Drug addicts will justify any number of the sick, twisted, harmful, selfish, manipulative or destructive things that they do thanks to the sacrilegious doctrine of moral relativity. They simply believe that what they are doing isn’t wrong and magic! It suddenly isn’t wrong. It doesn’t matter if it hurts or affects you negatively. Since I don’t believe what I’m doing is wrong, then it somehow isn’t.
     That is moral relativity. It is a warped and backwards way of thinking and it is destroying us. Once we cross that line, it is very hard to come back. When nobody cares and nobody wants to do anything anymore, we are, for all intents and purposes, a culture of serfs. And if that happens, we are finished. Perhaps this is why Jersey Shore and The Kardashians are the two most popular shows in America. This sort of garbage and distraction, along with moral relativity in general, reflect a culture that is experiencing a macro spiritual problem… no?

False Thinking

Posted on by under False Perceptions, False Thinking, Symptoms of Narcissism

     Say a bunch of kids gang up on you, call you names, make fun of you, and brutally shame, humiliate and reject you in front of everybody else. The common thinking has always been that the misery we feel as a result of their cruelty is purely their fault, as it is purely caused by them. In fact, I believe that the way we perceive the cause of our feelings to be a delusion. The truth is that the kids are actually not responsible for my emotional reaction to them ganging up on me (even though they may have wronged me). Who is responsible then?

     I am. (See older posts Resentment & Victim Mentality for greater elaboration.)
     What’s so dangerous about this commonly accepted way of thinking is that if we grow up and continue to hold others responsible for the way we feel, we will become spiritually ill (besides becoming narcissistic). We will begin to think of ourselves as victims and eventually let other people, institutions, or the State itself make decisions for us and take care of us. Thinking this way is a big mistake, and it is reflective of a false way of thinking, perhaps on a macro scale.

     We will all make such mistakes (especially me), but the question for addicts is do we want to become better everyday? If we don’t or if we simply don’t care, then we have no business trying to get sober and no business in the Steps. The people we have spit on, trampled, and stolen from all of these years deserve either all or nothing. Why even bother trying to white-knuckle it if we’re still going to be an angry, manic, bored, frustrated, depressed and selfish loser? Who wants to be around that?

     I’m pretty sure our spouses and families don’t.

 

God, please rid me of self and make me a better man today…