Monthly Archives: January 2014

Trust

Posted on by under Uncategorized

     Ever try to rehearse or plan something, like say, a speech? Disaster, right? You end up trying to remember what you were going to say, then you can’t remember, then you maybe look at some notes but even then, you’re already in your head, it’s not organic, the whole thing sucks and there is no life or charisma to anything you say. So that’s pretty much the opposite of what you want to do.

     It’s the same thing with recovery. We have to try without trying. Make sense? Sure we do all the work and we do it thoroughly, but the x-factor in getting better is trust. We have to let go of knowing the outcome, knowing if this process we’ve embarked on will actually work. We must step into the darkness, unsure of where we will land. We must trust in the unknown.

     Until we let go, God does not touch us. Addicts have been enslaved by self-will. We are so obstinate. We cannot let go. We have to know everything and do everything by ourselves. Until we leave the actual change up to God, we don’t get it. We don’t have that vital spiritual experience.

     If there is one difference between those who make it and those who do not, it is trust. Trust is faith. Faith that something you cannot see or touch or prove can and will fix you. When an addict becomes willing to let go, then he can touch divinity. At that point, anything it possible.

     This is pure knowledge. It isn’t us that makes things happen, that gets us better and restores us to sanity. It is the mind-blowing power of our Creator.

God, please help us become willing to let go of self and trust in the unknown…

Origins of Addiction

Posted on by under http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Nature/Causes of Addiction

     Addiction/alcoholism is simply a natural extension of a preexisting spiritual condition.

     Trust me, if we turn ourselves into addicts, there is something wrong with us spiritually. You don’t just become an addict because you broke your ankle and some doctor gave you vicodin and now you’re an addict even though you don’t have that type of personality and so it’s pretty much the doctor’s and the vicodin’s fault. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s our fault.

     We became addicts by selfishly avoiding discomfort. So us getting better must entail endless amounts of action, hard work and humility. We must demolish the belief that we can fix ourselves, that we can do anything because we are so amazing and so cool, so gifted and so genius. We must crush our arrogance and get underneath something. Sure we may be able to do all sorts of other things, but when it comes to drugs and alcohol, we are completely powerless. We have no control. So pretending like we can do what we clearly cannot is insane. When we’re ready to stop lying to ourselves, we need to get underneath God.

     Newsflash: Normal people feel all of the things we do (it’s called being human – we’re not special), but they are mature and courageous enough to face their feelings and do what’s right despite what they might be going through. This is also known as growing up. It’s what some refer to as becoming a responsible, accountable adult. Addicts should try it sometime. God knows America is in dire need of help as we spiral down the rabbit hole.

     P.S. Just to be clear, when I write these blogs, I’m simply talking to myself, so please don’t take offense if you’re another knucklehead addict out there reading this. I’m the demented shithead that I refer to when describing addicts. Writing these blogs reminds me of what got me better and what will continue to keep me better… and so they might resonate with other addicts or be somewhat useful for parents, spouses or friends of addicts who’d like some illumination on why we act like deranged idiots.

God, please help us to understand the nature of addiction, that we may better treat those who are afflicted and bring peace to those around us…

Afraid to Love?

Posted on by under Abandonment, Fear, Letting go, love

     Addicts are afraid to love… to love ourselves, to love others, to love life.

     Our attitude is, Why bother doing anything when we’re just gonna die some day, man? I mean who cares, bro, might as well just get drunk or high.

     By plying ourselves with drugs and alcohol, we ensure and perpetuate a life of emptiness and failure. By becoming addicts, we eliminate all possibility. We have effectively enslaved ourselves. When you’re an active addict, that’s all you are. There is nothing else. There is no life beyond drugs and alcohol. It’s pathetic. And now we don’t have to do anything, to create anything, to give anything, to love anything, to love anyone… because we can’t. We have let ourselves off the hook. There are no expectations for us for we have sunk to the bottom where we remain firmly rooted.

     If we are to love, we need to first become ready to love. How do we do this? We do this by working tirelessly on ourselves, by using the tools that we have been given in the Steps and in other practical sources of wisdom and knowledge to remove the emotional and spiritual sewerage within. We give everything, we surrender everything to this work. We give 100% of our hearts, minds and souls to this program, to spiritual growth, to God. We must give up everything we think we need to be okay.

     We have to let go.

     Trust me, we don’t need people, places or things to be okay. We simply have to want God more than drugs, and He will come. If you truly want to get better, if you truly want to change, the universe will conspire to make that happen.

     What are you waiting for? Start loving. Get better. Set things right. Have a family. Have children. Then you’ll see what love truly is, what miracles are, and how amazing it feels.

God, please give me the strength, courage and willingness to love…