The reputation that the Twelve Step program often gets is sad and disturbing, to say the least, but this is primarily because most people have no idea what the Twelve Steps are.

     Some call the Steps and AA a vicious cult, hell bent on brainwashing and controlling you with religion. Some call it an abject failure that is completely outdated and wrong in the way it attributes addiction to moral failure. Some just dismiss it arrogantly because it fails the test of new age science, quack psychology and intellectualism. Some call it unsubstantiated because there is no clinical data to back it up, which clearly must render it useless in the field of addiction treatment. And some of the worst are today’s doctors, often products of the brainwashed status quo, who believe they know everything and that we are just a bunch of uneducated imbeciles who need to be told what to do.

     In fact, that attitude sort of reminds me of every single morally relative, collectivist academic I know, which seems to be increasing by the day. Right, all of us who support ourselves and start businesses are morons but my friends with over $250,000 in student debt with no job in sight and who forgot to check what exactly can be discharged in bankruptcy court are absolutely brilliant. Lol.

     But the one thing often misunderstand is that the Twelve Steps don’t really have anything to do with alcohol and drugs. No, I’m not an idiot. I understand the Twelve Steps were originally conceived to help alcoholics, but with what? Most people think they exist merely to address an alcoholic’s drinking problem, but that’s not true. Remember that this is a program of action based on the same universal principles that we see at the core of every religious tradition through time. Why is that? What are the Twelve Steps really trying to do? It’s a good question for all of the above bashers to ponder.

     So what do you think they are?

     It’s a good question to ask yourself.

     There is only one actual solution, besides some sort of immediate divine transformation. Everything else is just a remedy or band-aid, and lots of stuff shouldn’t even be dignified with either label. The only solution is something we like to call “hard work”, also known as “repeated right action”. Nothing else with save us or fix us for good. Nothing else will effect real and lasting change in us. There is no easy way out… not with the damage we have done both internally and externally.

     Why does repeated right action work?

     For one, because it keeps us sane, and any addict who is kept sane is safe from relapse. And it’s because with each little bit of courage we show, we gain more and more access to the power of God, and the more we can access the power of God, the stronger we get, the more we can do, and the more limitless our life becomes.

     Truly, we can get to the point where addiction is nothing to us anymore, just a blip on the radar. Watch the F out because we are off and running and have all kinds of amazing things to do and accomplish. Once the fire is lit within an addict, or anybody for that matter, there are no more problems such as addiction and fear.

     People think it’s arrogant to say I’m recovered, especially other recovering alcoholics and addicts. Do you know why they think that? Because they don’t have any idea what they’re talking about. They have no idea what my experience is. They have no vocabulary or familiarity with what it means to be recovered. Oh, it’s dangerous and pompous to say you will always be sober, they will say. No it’s not. Not for someone who no longer suffers from thoughts to use, someone who no longer cares about using, and someone who does the work he needs to do to take care of himself and his relationship with God.

      But back to the main point. How do we accomplish this state of lifelong, permanent recovery?

     Repeated hard work. Oh and faith (which is trust). Everything else is just a temporary remedy and does not actually change us or free us from addiction and other such maladies. It never ends the shit I get for being narrow and stupid and claiming there is only one solution. But these types are only saying that because they are suffering and have failed or have loved ones that have failed repeatedly. Anyone who actually works hard and commits one’s life to spiritual growth would never say that because they don’t fail. They never look back and always move forward. So should you.

God, teach us addicts how to work hard, trust in our recovery, trust in You, and never look back… 

      True knowledge is gained through the experiment of living life. I have gained truth about myself and my life from the results of my experience, through the tools that I have acquired and been given, and through the actual consequences of my words, thoughts, and most importantly, my actions. I know what has failed me and what has brought me success. And I can reasonably assume that anyone who shares a similar experience may also experience similar results.

     This is precisely why the Big Book prophetically states that you can rely on anything a [recovered] alcoholic may say about himself. A recovered addict who has gained clarity and success knows himself completely. The reason my experience makes so much sense to me is because I understand who I am, and the more we understand ourselves, the more we understand everything. As I’ve suggested before, I don’t think we are really that complicated. We are essentially just human creatures on earth, sometimes doing good stuff, sometimes doing bad stuff, and sometimes just hangin’ out. And given the existential law of cause and effect, you probably wanna try to do more good stuff than bad stuff.    

     In my book, I described the sort of behavior that saved my life as ‘spiritual action’. We can’t get too bent about word choice because the solution and the knowledge gained through experiential success is very practical, grounded, fact-based (in its purest sense) and time-tested. So when I say spiritual action, I’m not talking about fluff. Spiritual action means moral action, as well as many other practical actions such as prayer, meditation, exercise, work, art, music, creativity and outdoor activities that benefit ourselves, others, and the greater world around us.

     To heal myself, I simply had to address the core underlying problem. Trust me, you don’t need the DSM-IV to figure us out. We like to pretend and act all complicated, but we’re not. Nobody is. The truth is that we are spiritually ill, just like everybody else who suffers from anything.

     In today’s drug and disorder obsessed America, we typically sit down with a therapist of sorts and explain our problems as they mentally sift through the DSM-IV trying to pinpoint our specific basket of personality disorders, mental disorders and/or chemical disorders. Upon our diagnosis of say, alcohol dependency, severe depression, PSTD, and let’s throw a little ADHD in there just for good measure, the therapist/doctor attempts to address each specific disorder with a combination of therapy and various medications. Nothing could be more ridiculous in attempting to effect long-term healing.

     But why, Charlie? How dare you spew such non-clinical blasphemy?

     Don’t get mad at me. It’s not my fault that we’ve all been duped into believing in the disorders that we are diagnosed with. It’s not my fault that we believe in the dual-diagnosis hoax. And it’s not my fault that there is actually no such thing as the never-ending myriad of disorders claimed by the DSM-IV. Yes, you read that correctly. Most disorders in the DSM-IV are nonsense. There is really only one malady that any of us have, and sure it may manifest itself is a variety of ways, but attempting to treat each specific manifestation is fruitless and idiotic, as well as plain ignorant. It cannot be done. The only way to heal any specific disorder is to treat the core illness. That core illness is spiritual. If we heal ourselves spiritually, then all outward manifestations will gradually dissolve, and without a single wasted dollar on therapy or drugs.

     So there is no such thing as a dual-diagnosis. You’re either well or you’re not well. Whether it’s alcoholism, addiction, depression, bipolar, narcissism, anxiety, antisocial personality, body dysmorphia, sexual promiscuity, obesity, gambling, or whatever… it’s really all just the same shit. They are all offshoots of ONE THING. That thing is a sickness of the spirit. It is a disconnection from others, from earth, from God. It is a disconnection from self. We are simply lost and fucked up and need to be found.

     Treating every possible skew known to mankind is just a marketing gimmick to dupe the gullible masses into taking as many medications as the big boys can possibly get us to take. The more doped out we are, the better it is for the big boys… and of course, the government.

     Doctors love to tell you that depression causes addiction, that our feelings cause us to use. First, let me mention that when you have the most severe bio-chemical depression known to man and you are rendered completely dysfunctional – you feel nothing, taste nothing, can barely move, can’t sleep, sleep all day, can’t get up, mind is racing, can’t face anybody or anything, ever (which I’ve personally experienced repeatedly and let me tell you, it is brutal) – you don’t really drink or use drugs during this sort of torture because it doesn’t work. Nothing works. You are so dead inside that even alcohol and heroin fail you, and in fact, only serve to amplify the depression.

     Ask a depressed pothead why he continues to smoke pot even though it makes him more depressed after he smokes it. It’s because smoking more pot has nothing to do with relieving him of his depression (obviously), as it is actively making his depression worse. He continues to smoke pot because he is a pot addict. I only began drinking and using again once my depression lifted and I felt good. So drugs can cause depression, as they ravage us spiritually, suck our vital energy (Qi), and fuck up our serotonergic and dopaminergic systems, but depression doesn’t cause drug addiction. They are really just two different symptoms or byproducts of the same underlying spiritual condition, living side by side.

     Let me tell you how I managed to conquer clinical depression, bipolar disorder, alcoholism, heroin addiction, cocaine addiction, rage, and a few personality disorders? Um, Work. Yup, that’s it. Spiritual action. I pushed myself with everything I have. I walked through pain and fear and discomfort. I dug deeply, became terrifyingly honest with myself and expelled a lifetime of poison and rot-gut shit that infected my mind, heart, soul and body. I tried to clean myself from the poisions of self-seeking, dishonesty and fear. I faced those I had wronged. I tried to empty myself of filth and fill myself up with spirit and power and the love of God. Now to be more accurate, I pathetically attempted to do this stuff in my retarded addict way… but it worked. I tried and I was earnest about it, and because of that, something happened.

     Sure our growth must continue far beyond the initial actions of the Twelve Steps. Movement therapies, Zen meditation, service, art, music, spiritual retreats, hurling oneself into the base of an ice cold waterfall and climbing mountains to the peak are all pretty helpful if we plan to continue growing.

      And yes, I realize these are all just words and people say this sort of shit all the time, but my experience was quite real and unexplainable. I felt a mind-blowing power and flow of energy from the Universe shoot straight down through the top of my head and flow throughout my body, and after that… Depression gone. Bipolar gone. Anxiety gone. Fear gone. Obsession to use drugs gone. Obsession to drink gone. In an instant, I suddenly couldn’t give two shits about drugs anymore because I came into brief contact with God, and let me tell you that one little miniscule spec of this kind of Power and you are completely changed for life, or at least changed for some time, and then we must continue to grow and work in a host of other ways. But God exists and anything is possible. This I know.

God, be with me…

     There is nothing more useless for addicts and alcoholics than relapse prevention (via trigger identification)… except maybe harm reduction (i.e. methadone, suboxone, etc.). When you go to any run-of-the-mill TC, an A&D counselor sits you down, gives you some paper, and tells you to write down all of your triggers. Then the addict stares at the counselor and then stares at the paper and thinks, Hunh??? Then the counselor says something like,

     “Come on, Charlie, be honest, I’m sure you have many, many triggers. Think about it, dig deep and write them all down, because if you can identify your triggers, then you can avoid them, and then you can just stay sober. And if you bump into one of them by accident, not to worry because relapse is part of recovery.”

     Besides all of that being complete nonsense, let’s just pretend for a moment that triggers exist and that I avoid every trigger known to man. It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t prevent me from wanting to get high, which then brings up a much more important point. I can go around desperately trying to avoid triggers, but, uh, wait a sec, I’m still the most miserable, anxious, crazy, pissed off, twisted, depressed, hopeless, bored, frustrated and selfish piece of shit I know. WTF kind of solution is that?

     Yup, that’s right. It’s no kind of solution at all. I’m still untreated and suffer from the mental obsession and am subject to relapse at any time. This solution is equivalent to locking myself up and throwing away the key, because that’s the only way to keep a sober-only addict sober. And locking us up is, of course, not a solution. In fact, considering these guys actually have to go to school to become a counselor, it’s just about the dumbest advice I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Once you let me out of my cage, guess what happens? That’s right, I go relapse. But not to worry because there does exist a real solution that can lift our obsession and make us free men and women, safe to go anywhere on God’s earth that we please without worrying about some fictional trigger. Refer to all previous posts to learn about that.

      The reason it is so asinine to tell an addict to write down a bunch of triggers is because they must conjure them out of thin air. Triggers don’t exist, so the addict is tasked with making shit up that has nothing to do with why they use. We are essentially tasked with concocting lies, which seems a little counter-productive, but hey, that’s just me. The so-called trigger has no part in causing us to use, and the addict knows this, trust me. Addicts use because the thought (randomly or deliberately) comes into their minds and then they go use. Thoughts to use occur regardless of what is happening around us, regardless of where we are, what we’re looking at, who we are with, or what we are feeling.

     Furthermore, once the thought occurs, there is no getting rid of it. We have already relapsed. We will use as soon as we get the chance, even if we have promptly removed ourselves from our so-called triggers. A&D counselors just don’t understand the mental component of addiction. So if you want to know the truth about addiction, this is it. Ask any real addict and they will tell you, “Yes, that is exactly right. That guy must be an addict. Why don’t they have people like that at the methadone clinic?” Lol.

     I’ve had drug counselors spam this blog in the past demanding that I admit I am misguided and that triggers do indeed exist and that avoiding triggers works to keep “most” drug addicts sober and to curb their desire to use. Hold on, excuse me for a second while I try to stop laughing. There is no such thing as avoiding something and then suddenly we don’t want to use anymore. But I’m here to help, so let’s illuminate a few things for these poor A&D counselors, all too quick to flip the robot switch and recite everything they learned in school. This blog will open your eyes if you let it. Or you can just disagree for no other reason other than because this conflicts with what you think you know.

     When an addict is walking down the street and they see a liquor store and then suddenly they want to drink, even though the counselor was able to push the alcoholic to conjure up some triggers, the truth is that his sudden desire to drink had nothing to do with the liquor store. It is just as likely that I walk right past the liquor store and I see some asshole pull into handicap spot and then I want to drink. It is also just as likely that I walk past the liquor store and the bus pulls up next to me and the exhaust goes in my face and then I want to drink. It is also just as likely that I walk past the liquor store and stare off into space and then I want to drink. It is also just as likely that I walk past the liquor store and nothing happens and then I want to drink. And it is also just as likely that I don’t even walk past any liquor store or do anything and I just suddenly want to drink for no reason at all.

     The truth is that triggers do not exist. There is no such thing as a trigger. We can avoid every trigger we can possibly think of and not only will it not keep us from being ‘triggered’ by something totally new, or rather, nothing at all, but avoiding triggers doesn’t stop us from wanting to use because the thought will come for any reason or for no reason. The only trigger that truly exists is simply being alive, breathing, waking up. I used to look out the window and see a cloud and want to get high. Did the could trigger me? Only an idiot would actually think that.

     I only write what I write to help addicts from making the effort to go to treatment, failing, and then getting bummed out because the advice was so wrong and so stupid that they then gave up trying because they are now convinced that the whole treatment thing is utter bullshit, which most of it is, and then they walk away and go use and overdose and die, thus brutalizing their families and suffocating the very spirit of their parents for life, thus ensuring total agony and dread and despair and depression until the very last breath that they take on earth.

     Is it really any wonder why the statistics for addicts completing treatment are so atrocious? And why the heck are we screaming for more federal spending when a) federalized treatment worsens our addiction, and b) our country has over 17 trillion dollars of federal debt, over 70 trillion dollars in total public debt, and over 225 trillion dollars in unfunded liabilities? Are you kidding me?

God, please help guide mainstream treatment to the light…