Monthly Archives: December 2015
Sorry, One Last Search Post
I wasn’t gonna post the search results anymore, but you gotta see this. I took a few screen shots of the stats page over the course of 2 hours yesterday afternoon. I know we prefer to ignore reality sometimes, but just see for yourself. Too bad it is no longer PC to discuss the true nature of our addiction and spiritual malady for what it is. Not only are we keeping addicts from getting better, but muzzling free speech and thought is the road to serfdom, my friends. We’ve seen this before and trust me, it doesn’t end well.
Before we get to the searches, please allow me to shred one of the most destructive and asinine recovery slogans out there, namely relapse is part of recovery. I call these nonsensical cliche’s ‘supermarket wisdom’ or ‘waiting room wisdom’ – you know, nickel and dime wisdom you pick up on sale that makes no sense and is designed by some marketer who has no clue about anything. Yes, these slogans are designed by treatment centers themselves. Why? Well, there is no money is becoming recovered. There is only money is relapse, heartache and destruction. Trust me, no one cares about your 401k.
One of the very things that can keep an addict sober is the opportunity for he or she to challenge him or herself. When I look at the totality of my recovery and what I’ve gained and accomplished since I took Steps (a free program minus a Big Book, a pen and some paper), the suggestion that I can relapse along the way (and in doing so destroy everything I have worked so hard for and break mom’s heart again) is so stupid and ignorant it hurts. The new age, progressive model of addiction is crippling addicts and warping their view of recovery. This is what happens when you stay in the classroom too long and develop a superiority complex. Oh well.
The point is that part of the excitement and the novelty of living soberly and growing spiritually is the challenge we take on never to self-destruct, i.e. never to relapse. To beat a dead horse, relapse is NOT part of recovery. That’s the very point of recovery. You don’t relapse. No, we don’t need to beat ourselves up should we relapse, as self-pity is a form of selfishness, but we don’t send addicts home from treatment with the notion that ‘hey, buddy, don’t worry if you relapse, it’s part of recovery dude! Isn’t that awesome?!’
HUH???
Newsflash: that is EXACTLY what addicts want to hear. Yippee, I get to relapse! No big deal?! And you’ll still love me and accept me for exactly who I am (a delusional, active drug addict)? Sorry, but that is just retarded. Oh wait, sorry again, not PC? Should I just cut my vocal chords out? You have to understand that we don’t hear, ‘If I happen to mess up, I’m not gonna beat myself up’, which is disturbing in and of itself. We hear, ‘If the going gets tough, I can always relapse if I need to.’ Do you see how this sort of attitude promotes the antithesis of recovery and the results you really want?
Dec. 5, 2015 Searches – Partial
alcoholics are selfish
do people do drugs because they are selfish
addicts are selfish people
alcoholics mentality
alcoholic thinks victim
alcoholics self centered
alcoholics/drug addicts suck
alcoholism and selfishness
are alcoholics self absorbed
why are alcoholics so self-centered?
why are alcoholics so selfish?
who do alcoholics manipulate lie and…
why do alcoholics think everything i…
can alcoholism cause someone to be useless?
provilegedaddict
alcoholics self centered
does my alcoholic husband mean to…
living amends
do people do drugs because they a…
alcoholics mentality
alcoholics are self centered
alcoholics suck
alcoholics are self centered
alcoholism and selfishness
are all alcoholics narcissists
(and from today, the 6th) people in AA are so self involved
“Selfishness-self centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles… So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of selfishness. We must, or it kill us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God’s help.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, p.62
God, please help all of my fellow alcoholics and addicts out there who still suffer find their way back to You…
Self Will vs. God’s Will
The only time something becomes impossible is when I become hell bent on getting it. I used to agonize over getting things. I had to have this, become that, change into this, look like that. The more I pushed, the farther away it all went. Trying to grasp too hard, I couldn’t seem to actually get anything.
I pushed and pushed to become a musician, and the more I pushed, the farther away the record deal got. I pushed and pushed to become an actor, and the more I pushed, the farther away the lead role got. I pushed and pushed to become a writer, and the more I pushed, the more the rejection letters came pouring in. I pushed and pushed to make money, and the more I pushed, the less money I made. I pushed and pushed to become enlightened, and the more I pushed, the more angry, frustrated and depressed I became.
But when I finally let go of needing to achieve, I found peace. When I stop trying to force my will, everything began to materialize. When I let go of my selfish desires, dreams and hopes, they began to hit me in the face when I wasn’t looking. When I simply let go and focused on doing the right thing in this moment, everything fell into place. When I put all of my ambitions aside and just focused on growing spiritually, I became free.
Sure I have to work, pay the bills, and put some effort into my art, business and spiritual growth… but when I let go of the outcome, that’s when I feel truly calm. Whatever happens, happens. Whatever doesn’t happen, doesn’t. Whatever comes, comes and whatever goes, goes. Letting go is the best thing I have learned because I don’t care about the outcome anymore.
Expectation is a form of torture. But forgetting about all the worldly shit I thought I had to achieve and instead accepting God’s will, I am free. And by God’s will, I don’t mean anything in particular. All that means is letting go of my insane need to push and drive and speed and force my way here and there, conquering this or that.
God’s will, in the simplest terms, is just NOT my own. I simply do what’s right in front of me and the next thing will happen on its own. And when I do actively pursue something, it’s because I have become still and quiet, and my gut tells me that I need to go do this thing. When I wake up and know what I need to do, that is God’s will. When a friend, relative or sponsee calls for help, that is God’s will. When I feel compelled to create something, fix something, get rid of something or attend to something, that is God’s will. When I get out of my own way, what fills the space is God’s will.
God, help me to let go and align with Your will for me…
Also see: Self Will for God’s Will
Hitting Bottom & Getting Better
Hitting bottom occurs when we can no longer lie to ourselves.
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That is a first Step. Once such an understanding occurs, an addict feels the novelty and purity of humility, and it cleanses him. Until this has occurred, no addict will be able to recover and effect real and lasting change. The humility of feeling powerless over drugs and alcohol is truly the best thing that can happen to a drug addict or an alcoholic.
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When we stop lying to ourselves, it is the long end to being a phony. Thus, the better you want to get, the more open and honest you will become. So let it out, admit the truth about yourself, trust in God, serve others, and you will find freedom.
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Getting better occurs when we can no longer lie to others.
*Note: The manuscript of the new book, Anybody Can Take Steps, is all done! Just waiting on any potential literary agents or publishers, who appear to be working on more important projects such as the follow up to the initial masterpiece penned by Snooki of the Jersey Shore. Kidding, but Snooki did in fact pen a second book, so it’s good to know all is well in the literary world. The CNN press release from 2012 was as follows:
“Simon & Schuster has confirmed the company will publish a second book from “Jersey Shore” cast member Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi. “Gorilla Beach” will be a follow up to Polizzi’s first book “A Shore Thing,” which ended up on the extended New York Times bestseller list.
According to the book’s description, the new novel’s action will center on Giovanna “Gia” Spumanti and her cousin Isabella “Bella” Rizzoli who “are going to have the sexiest summer ever.
Hmmm….that plot sounds familiar. The second novel is slated for release in May 2012, just in time for the summer reading lists.”
Odd too, because when you look at some of these over-educated literary agents, you would think they are only willing to evaluate the second coming of Chaucer. And by the way, the “just in time for the summer reading lists” comment is not a joke. Poetically, it coincides with one of the more elegant lines of the novel…”…casual sex with at least a couple of guys was also on her list of summer goals.”