Darkness

     I write about the Steps and living spiritually but I have demons, I have darkness… it’s all in there. That’s exactly why we must put God first about all else, above every person, above all personal ambitions or comforts or fears. We addicts must do everything we can to align with God’s will.

     If not, the darkness will eat me alive, it will eat all of us. The most dangerous people on earth are those in power who are corrupted spiritually. If we abuse false external power, we are evil incarnate. If we cultivate real internal power, we are comforted by God. His presence frees us as opposed to tortures us.

     This is why doing the wrong thing is agonizing for those who know they are doing wrong. If we know and feel what’s wrong, then we know God exists. Knowingly turning our back on God is hell. Do we want to feel like absolute shit inside, or do we want to feel okay?

     I’ll take okay. That’s why getting better from addiction was really the only option. There are no other choices.

Um… General Wesley Clark: Wars Were Planned – Seven Countries In Five Years

Self-Knowledge

     “But the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, p.39

     That is why psychotherapy is pretty much useless for an alcoholic or an addict. Knowledge doesn’t get addicts better, nor can it keep us sober. Power does.
     Think of it as a missing chip. When we become addicts, we lose the power to choose not to drink or use drugs. No amount of self-knowledge will replace this chip. In fact, we ourselves can’t even replace it. Power, once lost, must come from a power source, and since we are no longer that source, it must come from outside of ourselves. That source is God. To note, another fallacy perpetuated by conventional treatment programs is that we get ourselves better. Not true. God does.
     Alcoholics without power are subject to go insane at any moment, at which point all ration and reason disappear. When this occurs, any self-knowledge or information we may have accrued is completely useless. Nothing short of a miracle can fight off the obsession to drink once it hits us. If we think we can get better or stay sober just because we learned something about ourselves, think again.
     So when we are without the power of choice, it needs to be re-inserted back into our brains and our beings. Knowledge is great, but alone it is useless. Knowledge with Power will change lives.
God, knowing that I must take rigorous spiritual action, please restore me to sanity and give me power back…