If Your Sober Alcoholic or Addict is Still a Narcissist, He is Still Completely Insane

Narcissism is rampant in America today, and in particular, infantile narcissism has exploded with the advent of “woke” culture, which is by every measure the epitome of ignorance and juvenile stupidity. And you thought narcissism was limited to the alcoholic or the drug addict. That said, the addict is a terrific microcosm of America today, as he displays the worst and most extreme end of childish behavior. Carrying narcissism into recovery, for instance, is the greatest telltale sign the addict has accomplished nothing in treatment. Drying out for a few weeks in detox and/or rehab is less than a percent of the work necessary to recovery, change into a better person and alter the course of a life. And truthfully, the person we are and our spiritual condition is the crux of the problem.

Once in a while my grandfather calls regarding one of my alcoholic cousins. He will periodically dry out for a few days and make some phone calls to display his great clarity and well being. And every time my grandfather rings me up to tell my how well my cousin sounds, I have to explain the same concept. There is no in-between. We are either completely okay or not at all. When a person is insane and absent a conscience, physical sobriety alone accomplishes nothing. Physical sobriety is simply a clinical requirement before embarking on a lifetime of spiritual and moral action. And so it is all or nothing with us. We are either completely insane or we have become sane. The sane person does not relapse, is under no threat to relapse, and does not continue to behave like a pathetic addict. The good news is that the condition of insanity of many addicts is, or can be, temporary. That is, his loss of willpower and insanity can be restored. However, for that to occur, he or she MUST be capable of self-honesty, and sadly, those who are not capable will not and cannot get better. Remember that. They are hopeless. They are psychopaths. But even those with grave mental and emotional maladies can recover completely if they can become honest with themselves.

So if your addict or your alcoholic returns from rehab and continues to behave like a child, he or she is the exact same person as when they left. If they are consumed by their needs and their feelings, they are no better at all. If they are consumed by their former lives, they are no better. If they continue to whine and complain about this person and that person, they are no better. If they continue to blame everyone and everything that they falsely think makes them suffer and use and drink, they are no better. If they continue to hold onto their selfishness, they are no better. If they continue to scheme and design and manipulate and control the world and others around them, they are no better. If they continue to react and become defensive, proud and critical, they are no better. If they continue to think about themselves and their lives 24/7, they are still completely insane.

Any addict who meets this description has done nothing while away in treatment, if you dare to even call it that now. Conversely, an addict or alcoholic who has recovered has been touched. He or she has, by their effort and by the power of God, induced a profound psychic change. He or she has had a spiritual experience, and following this experience, the entirety of negative, delusional, selfish and destructive attitudes, notions, beliefs and patterns of behaving and reacting have been cast aside and replaced with a new set based on spiritual principles and God. You would know with haste if your addict was truly okay. He would be glowing with Spirit. His face, body and posture would look different. His eyes would look grounded, calm and sane. A fire has been lit inside the recovered individual and by his words and actions, it would be unmistakable. He no longer reacts like a selfish child. He no longer whines and complains and blames the world. He is positive and confident and reaches out to help his family, his friends, and anyone else in need.

Sadly, rehabs today have become progressive gulags. The addict is poisoned with victimhood and disease model propaganda. He is coddled beyond belief and is lied to about the truth of personal responsibility and accountability. Remember this: We make ourselves into who and what we have become. Nothing external causes us to drink, use, lie, steal, manipulate, abuse, whine, complain and fail. Nothing external causes our addiction and depression. We alone are to blame for our lives. Do not let evil lies infect you or your addict. Tell the addict the truth. Tell them what they have done and who they have become. And for the love of God, do not blame yourself for the addiction of another. This is my next book, by the way. It will be addressed to the millions of parents, spouses and families who falsely blame themselves for the addiction of a loved one. It will cut through the lies of the delusional and ignorant left and will hopefully put an end to the false belief that addiction has any other cause but ourselves and our actions. It will also tell the truth about what lies underneath addiction and why the only solution is to change the person we have become through rigorous and consistent moral action.

God, please teach us to live by Your principles… 

Grandiosity

     During my annoyingly manic, painfully self-seeking, falling-down-drunk, living in Boston phase, I used to dress up in a Brooks Brothers suit and custom Italian loafers and saunter around Back Bay pretending to be some ultra-rich, ultra successful, corporate wheeler and dealer who just didn’t have the time to spend all the money he was making, and certainly didn’t have the time to care. Special note to alcoholics and addicts, especially those of you who are in one of your manic, show-off phases:

     Nobody cares about what you’re doing. Nobody cares about how you look. Nobody cares about your feelings. And everything that you think is just so important, well, um, nope… it isn’t. You are not special and you don’t suffer any more than anybody else. 

     Addicts who are still having fun with it and don’t look totally emaciated and run over yet often exhibit this sort of grandiosity. If you’ve ever known a narcissist, than you know how brutally annoying it can be. I consider myself rather fortunate to be frequently swarmed by a narcissist, as they are a great teacher of mine. And I hate to say it, but narcissists are often psychopaths, and since addicts are neck-deep in grandiosity, we should probably look at that in more depth, if only to serve as a warning…

     Narcissists think they are the most amazing things in all of creation. They wholeheartedly believe they are perhaps the most talented geniuses who are surely destined for fame and glory… even if the stuff they are producing is utter garbage, as it often is.

     Narcissists will love you or hate you, idolize you or demonize you, charm you or abuse the shit out of you, simply to get what they want. They will stop at nothing, like various types of prostitutes, to obtain false, external power. They are so shattered as a human and as a spirit that everything they say when hurt is pure projection. If you step on the toes of a narcissist, watch out, for you are now in the presence of a psychopath. You have just incurred the wrath of a sadistic monster who will stop at nothing to tear you to shreds.

     After a narcissist thoroughly abuses and thrashes you, they won’t look back for a split second. They feel full and uplifted inside if they have successfully and profoundly hurt you. They have no real feelings whatsoever for anybody else. All they care about in this world are themselves, only seeing the world through their twisted, pathologically self-centered lens. Everything is an extension of the narcissist, the world begins and ends with them, and thus anything and everything is to be used solely as a tool to get what they want. They are 100% convinced that their lives, feelings, thoughts, and ambitions are far more important than anybody else’s.

     They are the most dangerous people in the world to mess with, so if you can, avoid them like the plague. Unfortunately, it is quite difficult to avoid the plans, schemes and designs of these narcissistic psychopaths, as they surround us in large numbers. In fact, many of them run the country, the central banks, the IMF, the CFR, the BIS etc.

(See Narcissistic Personality Disorder & Psychopathology.)

     As far as manic addicts are concerned, our grandiosity may not go quite this far, but this is why we MUST take Steps. Getting sober surely isn’t enough when we have a mountain of filth to clean out from within. Sober addicts are extremely sick individuals, and we owe it to ourselves, our spouses, our families, our friends, and to the good of the world to do endless work on ourselves in an effort to rid us from our embarrassing selves… our false selves.

     Recently, a seething pile of AA goers, especially atheist AA goers (if there is such a thing), gave me endless crap about addressing the moral aspect of our sickness. But really, after hurting others for so long and being so selfish, isn’t it time we take off the diapers and stop using AA to complain about how hard it is to be an alcoholic and how hard it is to stay sober, and how nobody knows how we feel, and wanh, wanh, wanh, wanh, wanh…

     Isn’t it time we get over ourselves?

God, please rid me of the filth and poison of narcissism and grandiosity…

Change Is Internal

     Nothing outside of us can change us (other than God). We have to change ourselves…

     The problem with addicts is that that we carry this flaw into our recovery. Our self-absorbed frame of mind tells us that even our recovery is dependent on the outside world. We have a grand old time blaming anyone and anything when we feel like shit or when something goes wrong. Because we are so full of pride and arrogance and bullshit, we cannot see that nothing outside of us is responsible for how we feel or for what happens to us.
     We must be aware that our narcissism still pervades our perception far into recovery. We often think that our recovery itself is dependent on things taking place outside of ourselves.
     If my boss was only there when I went to make an amends, I’d be okay right now. If my wife would only do some work on herself, I’d be much better spiritually. If my family would only change along with me, I’d be more recovered than I am by now. If people would only forgive me, my depression would be gone already. If I had only gotten that job, I could’ve made amends to my creditors, but because there is no work, I have to stiff them, and then if I relapse, it’s not my fault.
     Wait a minute, wasn’t the whole point of getting better to finally understand that we alone are responsible for who we are, what we are, how we feel, and what happens to us? Wasn’t the whole point of taking Steps to propel us into the light of reality?
     In order to grow, change or get better to any degree at all, alcoholics and addicts must fully understand that we are where we are because of us and us alone. No one and no thing gets us better or worse. If we change, it’s because we change ourselves. If we fail, it’s because we fail ourselves.
God, help me understand and remember that change comes from within…

One of Seven Billion

     Guess what? I am just one of seven billion people who all feel the same things and go through the same things. My human experience in no more novel than anybody else’s.

     My pain is no more excruciating. My depression is no more brutal. My addiction and alcoholism is no tougher. My anxiety, insecurity and self-consciousness are no more agonizing. My life problems are no harder. My relationships, jobs, finances are no more complicated. My thoughts, emotions and feelings are no more unique. My challenges, both internal and external, are no more difficult.

     My life takes place in the same human body and the same human mind as everybody else’s. There’s nothing special about me. How do we addicts become so narcissistic as to assume we are somehow different from everybody else?

     Trust me, we’re not. We just think we are. We think nobody in the world really knows what it’s like to be us, to feel the way we do, to think the way we do, to suffer the way we do. In fact, the only thing that distinguishes us at all is our degree of narcissism.

     So whether we are alcoholics, addicts, or just plain mentally ill, it’s good to look in the mirror at least once a day to affirm:

     You aren’t different. You aren’t special. You aren’t a victim. You don’t have it particularly tough in life. You don’t have problems that no one else has. You don’t have a harder life than others. You aren’t smarter than others. You aren’t more talented than others. The world doesn’t owe you anything. Nobody owes you anything. The only difference between you and other people your age is that you still haven’t grown up. You don’t realize that nobody else is responsible for your circumstances. You don’t realize that nobody else is responsible for the way you feel. You don’t realize that life isn’t about you feeling good all of the time.

     Guess what? There are seven billion of us. So stop whining and get to work…

God, help me to get outside of myself and remember that I am just one of seven billion…

Projection

     When we engage in projection, we are in a state of delusion. Projection is when we transfer or “project” our own defects onto someone else. We accuse others of the very qualities, behaviors and attitudes that we own ourselves. So when I’m screaming at someone, or judging them, or calling them names, or ripping them apart from every angle, I should be screaming in a mirror because I’m really just talking about myself. I tend to think that when we lash out angrily at others, most of what we say is projection. Addicts, narcissists and crazy people who are incapable of assuming any responsibility for their words, thoughts and actions engage in pathological projection. I suppose it’s a defense mechanism born of too much pride, shame, self-hatred and immaturity.
   
     We who project are like children who never grew up. We become ever more damaged and now live in a deluded world of our own, broken from reality and shattered to the core. I know a few crazies like this, and let me say that now I know how annoying and pathetic I once was. When my son was born, I became the object of someone’s projection, and I thanked God that though I became an alcoholic, I didn’t become damaged beyond repair. I never lost the capacity to be honest with myself, which, along with willingness, is the one requirement to getting better. But if I had become this damaged, my entire life would have become a joke. It would have become a waste of air, water and other precious natural resources. I would have gone through my entire life hurting others with no shame, no remorse, no accountability…

     So to my fellow addicts out there still abusing people at will, take the advice one of my guides so kindly imparted to me long ago:

     Grow up.

God, please remove my defects of character, and replace them with love…