Tag Archives: False Perceptions

False Thinking

Posted on by under False Perceptions, False Thinking, Symptoms of Narcissism

     Say a bunch of kids gang up on you, call you names, make fun of you, and brutally shame, humiliate and reject you in front of everybody else. The common thinking has always been that the misery we feel as a result of their cruelty is purely their fault, as it is purely caused by them. In fact, I believe that the way we perceive the cause of our feelings to be a delusion. The truth is that the kids are actually not responsible for my emotional reaction to them ganging up on me (even though they may have wronged me). Who is responsible then?

     I am. (See older posts Resentment & Victim Mentality for greater elaboration.)
     What’s so dangerous about this commonly accepted way of thinking is that if we grow up and continue to hold others responsible for the way we feel, we will become spiritually ill (besides becoming narcissistic). We will begin to think of ourselves as victims and eventually let other people, institutions, or the State itself make decisions for us and take care of us. Thinking this way is a big mistake, and it is reflective of a false way of thinking, perhaps on a macro scale.

     We will all make such mistakes (especially me), but the question for addicts is do we want to become better everyday? If we don’t or if we simply don’t care, then we have no business trying to get sober and no business in the Steps. The people we have spit on, trampled, and stolen from all of these years deserve either all or nothing. Why even bother trying to white-knuckle it if we’re still going to be an angry, manic, bored, frustrated, depressed and selfish loser? Who wants to be around that?

     I’m pretty sure our spouses and families don’t.

 

God, please rid me of self and make me a better man today… 

Resentment

Posted on by under False Perceptions, Resentment, Self Responsibility, Spiritual Poison
“Anger and resentment are like acid to a seeing eye. They burn and blind the eye so that it cannot see clearly anymore. As long as they inhabit the body, forgiveness is impossible. But when I become accountable for everything in my life, all of it magically crumbles and suddenly I can forgive anyone. I just don’t care anymore because there is nothing left to blame. Above all, I can forgive myself. That is a miracle.” – TPA p.165

   
     Why do I write inventory? To extract resentment from my body. What is resentment? It’s a form of poison caused by an inability to perceive things clearly. Resentments are not caused by anybody else. They are caused by me and me alone. Sure, some person may have wronged me terribly. But the birth of the resentment and it’s growing presence within is caused by my reaction to that event. I caused it, and therefore I own it. Nobody can extract it but me. This is why addicts and alcoholics are so blessed with God-given tools such as inventory.

(Note: Also see Resentment Inventory, Resentment Inventory Example, Fear Inventory, Sex Inventory, More Inventory, Home Depot Inventory, Professor Masshole & Resenting Ourselves?)

     Sometimes it is difficult to see my responsibility in causing a resentment. But as sure as the sun, it is there, covered by layer upon layer of self-deception, denial, and just plain ignorance. Because I am defensive, proud, ashamed, scared and dishonest, I must do some work to figure out my part in causing the resentment.

     So why bother with all that? Why should I spend my precious time extracting resentment from my being? Well, first of all, it’s my responsibility. Second, resentments left unchecked can destroy an alcoholic or drug addict sooner than the drug itself. More importantly, they will destroy an addict who has already gotten sober. They will rob him or her of a fulfilling life with fulfilling relationships. They will keep his mind warped and twisted. They will keep him spiritually ill. They will keep a wall up between him and getting better, between him and God. Ultimately, as with any other poison, they may end him altogether.

     In order to get better, I had to stop choosing to see events as acting upon me as opposed to attracting the events to myself. Why? Because by committing the former, I begin reacting to events that I falsely believe something else is responsible for. My feelings become dependent on the world around me, dependent on the words, actions, and moods of those around me. Letting go of my dependence on the external world = internal freedom.

     Truth be told, it really doesn’t matter who we are, addict or not. The bottom line is that resentment left to brood will crush anybody. Extracting resentments and the mechanisms by which they are born is necessary to achieve peace. I suppose this is just what it means to grow up.

God, please give me the courage, willingness and clarity to extract resentment and anger from within…