Tag Archives: Self vs Others

Meeting Makers Make Meetings

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     If you like going to meetings, then great, go to meetings. Just trying to help meeting makers consider the possibility of doing some actual work on themselves… like perhaps take their very own AA’s Twelve Steps… and maybe not wait 10 years, 100 relapses, 10 cars, 50 jobs, and 20-30 more broken hearts before you decide to take them. So if your knucklehead sponsor told you to wait to take Steps or to only take a Step a year, you should probably remove their phone number from your rolodex and consider directing them to the links at your bottom left.

     Meetings don’t actually get alcoholics better. Taking enough spiritual action to induce a psychic change gets alcoholics better. AA was nothing more than a suggested set of spiritual actions long, long ago before it got watered-down into group therapy and snack time. AA is the Big Book. That’s what AA is. Referring to your home group as a Group Of Drunks (G.O.D.) and relying on them to keep you sober isn’t AA. I don’t know what that is, actually. Groups of drunks aren’t God. And people can’t keep real alcoholics sober.

     The slogan goes, ‘Meeting Makers Make It!’ Um, no, they don’t. Why? Because true alcoholics have lost the power of choice. Meeting makers only make it if they’re not really alcoholics, because true alcoholics cannot choose not to drink. They are in chronic relapse until the removal of the mental obsession. It’s just simple math.

     So if for some reason you can simply stop drinking and stay sober just by attending meetings, then guess what? You’re not an alcoholic! Celebrate because you’re not completely fucked like I am. Achieving physical sobriety alone is the equivalent of starting a timer that will at some point go off. So the only thing that meetings makers make is, yup, you got it, meetings.

     Just a few more questions and this will be my very last post on the subject of meetings. Promise. What’s the point of going to meetings if we regress into selfish pigs as soon as we drive away? What’s the point of going to meetings if we never drop our preoccupation with Self? What’s the point of going to meetings if we never “pick up this simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet?” What’s the point of going to meetings if we never take Steps and become well enough to take someone else through this life-saving process? What’s the point of going to meetings if we still can’t reach out to our spouses, children, families, friends or colleagues? What’s the point of going to meetings if we end up still holding on by a thread 20 years down the road?

     Trust me when I say that the point of this program is actually not to get all of us merely sober. Nope. Sorry. The point of this program is to get work that should have been done before we ever started drinking to begin with out of the way so that we may serve others and live a useful, meaningful life. We do not have an alcohol or drug problem. We have a selfishness problem. We have a life problem. We have a spiritual problem. We have a developmental problem – a permanently narcissistic, teenage baby problem.

God, please help alcoholics and addicts who still suffer find their way to the Steps and to You…

Service = Silver Bullet

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     Service is the best medicine…

     I remember plummeting off the cozy pink cloud I was perched upon after reading inventory and making some amends. I felt euphoric and invincible… and then all of my spiritual tools began wearing off. Eventually, there was no buzz anymore. Time to learn how to live life without always feeling good. Time to learn how to work on myself for the sole purpose of staying sane. So that’s what I did. I wasn’t going to become a coward again. I wasn’t going to be ruled by fear. But despite the fact that I feel mundane and human, there is one thing that still works every time: 

     Helping others.

     Every time I speak publicly at a meeting, school, sober house or hospital, I am filled again with a spiritual charge. It flows through me for several hours and I am reminded of this Power that exists beyond the scope of Self. Every time I sit down and take a sponsee through the Big Book, I am also filled with Spirit. The change is noticeable. You can see it in my face, in my red cheeks, in my eyes, in my posture. You can even hear it in my voice. When we go to speak or help someone, we tap into spiritual power… into GOD.
     Why is that? 

     I suppose it’s because when we give, it gets us out of our heads and our normally selfish frame of mind. Acting selflessly prevents us from being selfish. You can’t constantly think about yourself when you are helping someone else. It’s somewhat of a miracle actually. Many times I have entered a room with horrible cold. Then I open my mouth. What happens? For that hour or so that I’m speaking and giving, my cold disappears. It leaves the room while I try to be of service to others. Then it returns as soon as I leave. What is that, short of a miracle? Ask your doctor to explain that within the parameters of medical science. How is it that my symptoms disappear entirely, only to reappear once I get back into my car… into my head? 

     Ignore something and it’ll go away. Ignore yourself and perhaps your self will go away.
     So even though I have landed back on planet earth and seven years have gone by since I was zapped by the power of God in the mountains of New Hampshire one night, serving others works every time. If I ever really start to lose it and need something to feel better, helping other alcoholics and drug addicts is the key. Helping anybody is the key. Giving is the silver bullet to feeling better.

God, teach me to be of greater service to others and to You…

Drug Induced Mania

Posted on by under Narcissism, Phonies, Self vs Others

     I remember going to some dinner thing at my in-laws years ago. My poor wife just wanted me to act like a normal, sweet guy so her family wasn’t absolutely terrified. That didn’t happen.

     First, the one thing I never could help doing was to get jammed out of my freaking mind before any sort of social event. Then I dress up as if I was actually successful – some mix of a Wall Street hot shot / glamour model / Harvard intellecutal. Upon entering, all of the self-indulgent stories and jokes I rehearsed come barreling out of my mouth. I’m sure everybody is looking at me with awe and envy. Um, yeah they were looking, but only in disgust. The only person in the room who is actually comfortable is me. Everybody else is annoyed beyond belief and suffering my presence.

     Quick little reminder to any addicts out there who happen to be in one of your manic, show-off phases: Nobody is looking at you. Nobody cares what you’re doing. Nobody cares about your intellect, your achievements, your body or your wit. Heads only turn to see the freak show who is clearly high on crack or heroin or booze, and is acting like a complete asshole.

     So what’s the problem with sauntering into rooms like I own the world? What’s the problem with The Charlie Show? What’s the big deal with being loud, obnoxious, cocky, and manic? Doesn’t everybody love me and my demented sense of humor? Doesn’t everybody think I’m The Man? Um, yeah sure they do – in my MIND.

     What I am really is an embarrassment. I am a phony. The gap between who I’m pretending to be and who I actually am is practically endless. Addicts love to exaggerate everything. They turn everything, good or bad, from a molehill into a mountain. If I made $1,000 on some deal, it turns into $10,000. If I made $35,000 last year, let’s just call it $100,000. If my GPA in school was a 3.2, why don’t we turn that into a 3.95 with honors? But if I failed today at work, it’s because of some prick client and obviously had nothing to do with me. Addicts are frauds.

     This is narcissism. Every addict suffers from it. We have no clue how deeply we may be affecting others. We forget that other people also have feelings, thoughts, worries, sadness, successes and accomplishments. But that doesn’t matter to narcissists. Nope. The only thing that matters in this world is ME. Don’t you know that? A good wake up call for me was when I realized that not everybody is wondering about me every second of their lives. In fact, most people aren’t wondering about me at all, let alone preoccupied with me, as every narcissist assumes and perhaps even wishes.

     Getting better was feeling the shame of who I was. But only for a little while, because eventually I had to learn how to accept and love myself again – in a healthy way. We addicts are not doormats. We must stand up and protect ourselves. But it sure is useful (and humbling) never to forget the absolute shitheads that we once were.

     Now I get it. Now I see how unattractive it is. Now I can strive to get out of myself day after day, which can be an entire Life Purpose in and of itself. Now I can spend some time thinking about others, and perhaps even lend a hand. The best thing an addict can do is to spend some time not thinking about themselves. Go ahead, Charlie, think about someone else for a change.

God, teach me to be more other-centered…