Tag Archives: Spiritual Sickness

AA Has Lost Its Way

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     I don’t go to meetings anymore.

     One of the reasons is the guy who came up to me in the gym today and told me that I definitely need to go to more meetings, that I’m not gonna make it, and that I must not be an addict if I don’t need meetings to be okay. If he had done some work on himself, like say, taken Steps, he might have refrained from taking my inventory. To state the obvious, going to meetings doesn’t get people better. Right action does. Spiritual action does. And sorry, but I got better to take care of the people I love and to live the life I was supposed to live, not to go to meetings all day long.

     Most people in and out of AA think that the program of AA is going to meetings, though nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, when people ask me if I’m in AA, they ask me if I go to meetings and how many I go to, to which I reply, “None.” Then they freak out and tell me I’m going to relapse soon. I have been a recovered alcoholic and drug addict for almost 8 years and I am completely okay. They say, “Well then, what do you do?” to which I reply, “I take Steps.” I should also mention (in an effort to dispel all of the dual-diagnosis nonsense, or perhaps hoax is a better word) that I’m totally unmedicated… and I’ve never been more balanced and successful in my entire life. Right action and GOD made me better and fixed my broken mind, not some insane cocktail of brain-damaging and soul-crushing psychotropics.

     Searching other blogs one day, I came across stories of people who have left AA… and I must say that I don’t blame them. They described and summarized meetings much the way I do, but worse. Several of these stories were from women who attended ‘Young Persons’ meetings and saw nothing but disgusting, 50+ year-old losers who were in there to stalk and stare at young, vulnerable women. I have seen this myself in ‘YP’ AA meetings in the Boston area. I have also seen dogma, status, anger, insanity, sickness, rampant untreated alcoholism, and Holier Than Thou nonsense. Yes, AA has most certainly lost its way.

     But we must distinguish between this sick, watered-down AA and the original Twelve Step program, which was nothing more than a spiritual set of actions. The original Twelve Steps teach us to become better people. They teach us to become more honest, loving, selfless and courageous. AA was never intended to devolve into a slew of sick meetings, where the trash and filth of the earth prey on young people, or where some speaker preaches the Steps but is completely nuts.

     I’m sure Bill Wilson and Bob Smith are rolling in their graves. When did it become okay for dry drunks to run groups, repeatedly give advice that contradicts fundamental principles of AA, abuse false power, hand out sobriety chips and incessantly tell their self-aggrandizing war stories, or worse yet, their sob stories? Countless numbers spit out AA slogans and yet, you wouldn’t follow some of these folks around if there was a gun to your head, let alone cop a ride home with them all alone. 

     So does AA need to reassess? Absolutely. AA is getting a bad rap for being a cultish group of nutjobs and moral degenerates who don’t do any real work on themselves and 13 Step young girls. I will, for now, do what I can by teaching others what AA actually is/was (see links on blog), what the Twelve Steps actually are, and how this once mystical and miraculous spiritual program has gone astray.

God, please guide AA back to its original, spiritual, moral, action-oriented self…

Frothy Emotional Appeal

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     “Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices.” 

     Translation: People can’t keep us sober or fix us. That is, nothing anybody says has the power to restore us to sanity… so trying to plead with an addict is entirely a waste of time.

     “Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves, if they are to re-create their lives... Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive, that while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks… and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.” -Alcoholics Anonymous, The Doctor’s Opinion, xxviii, xxix

“Charlie, why do you drink when you have so much potential?”
     Huh?
“Charlie, why do you use drugs when you have so much talent?”
     Are you serious?
“Charlie, we love you so much. Isn’t that enough?”
     Nope.
“Charlie, now that you have this beautiful, wonderful wife and child, that should be enough, right?”
     It should be, but you people have no idea how sick I really am.
“Charlie, with all of your loving friends and family, plus all of our resources and modern medicine at your disposal, you should be able to get sober and stay sober, right?”
     Wrong.
“Charlie, the doctor says you will die if you continue to drink.”
     Um, can I borrow some money? Oh, and thanks, that’s great about the doctor thing.

     Unfortunately, non-addicts don’t understand addiction. It doesn’t matter how much shit I have, or who I have, or what potential I have. You could give me a billion dollars, my dream job, a mansion on the water, an angel wife, two beautiful kids and the best of friends… and I think I’ll go get jammed out of my fucking skull. I’m an addict. I use. That’s what addicts do. No pile of “frothy emotional appeal” is going to do the trick.

     Here’s the deal: Yes, addiction is plain and simple a physiological disease. We have broken our bodies and can never again use normally. But the reason why we can’t STAY sober has nothing to do with our bodies. There is no physical craving of drugs when we’re sitting there butt sober. We only begin craving drugs or alcohol AFTER we start drinking or using.

     So no, the reason why we can’t stay sober has nothing to do with the bio-chemical illness of alcoholism or addiction. The reason why we can’t stay sober is because we have a spiritual problem. We have a moral problem. Yes, a moral problem, along with the insanity of the mental obsession. Do me a favor… go out there and try to stay clean while acting immorally. Try to stay sober while lying, cheating, manipulating, being selfish, angry, depressed and abusive. Good luck with that. You will need luck because it doesn’t work.

     Once we become addicts and realize that we have a serious problem, the only thing keeping us actively using is doing the wrong thing. If we were living by spiritual principles, there would be no need to use. We would know how selfish we are, and we would go and fix our broken minds. We would have an entire psychic change, find God, restore ourselves to sanity, and never again suffer from the random mental obsession to drink or use drugs.

     So if you’re an alcoholic or an addict out there and you plan on staying sober after you pat yourself on the back for going to detox, you better change the person you are. You have no chance of staying clean if you do not embrace spiritual principles and live a moral life. Drinking booze and using drugs is 100% connected to morals, or lack thereof. Do we really think the average alcoholic, heroin addict or crackhead out there is living right? Please. So when you get a pamphlet or an article that some clueless PhD wrote about how addiction is not a moral problem but rather purely a physiological phenomenon, you are absorbing information that will undoubtedly lead to relapse, and perhaps your eventual death.

God, teach me to live by Your principles of love, honesty, patience, tolerance, courage, compassion, strength, honesty and service…

Anger

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     Anger is a lack of purpose…

     Some punk kid called me a prick the other day after wrecking one of our apartment doors, so I pretty much lost it. The best is that I didn’t react at first, but upon further reflection, or rather lack thereof, I let him have it. I just couldn’t let it go.

     Anger is a code word, like depression. Underneath depression is anger. Underneath anger is grief, and underneath grief is spiritual imbalance. Spiritual illness often results from a lack of purpose. If I’m on the wrong path, I am spiritually ill. If I’m on a path that doesn’t serve anyone, I am spiritually ill. And if I have found the right path of service but stop serving for a while, I become spiritually ill.

     Conversely, when I am giving of myself, I don’t get angry. When I am working with others, I don’t get angry. When I am speaking, writing, meditating and praying, I don’t get angry. When I am constantly taking actions that bring me closer to God, I don’t get angry.

     We addicts should never retreat from life, from others, from reaching out. We should never isolate and become consumed by self. Service is by far the greatest gift we have been given.

God, help me to let go of my anger, fear, resentment and self-loathing…