Beware The Establishment

     A tough illness calls for tough love…  

     Earlier this year I spoke at a support group for parents, and as usual, I was tough when it came to the question of drug treatments. First of all, listen to that: Drug therapy for drug addicts. One more time: Drugs for addicts. I’m not sure my message was that well received, as, not surprisingly, I haven’t heard from them since. Don’t get me wrong, they were gracious and many thanked me personally for sharing my experience, but meds are always a touchy subject.

     Dear parents, I’m trying to help you. I’m trying to spare you from the false and harmful ‘solutions’ peddled by the Establishment. They manipulate you emotionally, psychologically and financially in much the same way your addicts do. But regardless of the various reactions, I’ll keep trying to educate addicts and parents alike. I’ll keep trying to provide some hope and happiness where some prefer to remain in the comfort zone of pain and darkness.

     The Establishment will never get it. They will never understand the nature of addiction and thus the natural solution. There are plenty of remedies out there but not much in the way of solutions.

     Remedies failed me. A spiritual solution did not.

     Why?

     Because someone who is powerless must be restored to power and nothing earthly can do that. And it’s only through this restoration of power the he or she may regain their willpower, their ability to choose not to drink or use drugs.

     I’ve never met a true addict or alcoholic out there who can remove their desire to drink without having a spiritual transformation, without having a profound psychic change, without the help of God, and without maintaining that relationship with God by adopting and living by spiritual principles.

    If anyone can prove me wrong about that, please, by all means, go ahead. If Narcanon atheism works, if Rational Recovery hubris works, if Smart Recovery CBT nonsense works, if McLean’s psychotropic cocktails work, if Methadone or Suboxone zombieism works, if sweat lodge orgies work, if stealing from taxpayers for unearned recovery high school diplomas and image-infirm principals work, if clueless doctors, social workers and addiction specialists work, if whatever you heard from the brainwashed media works, or if that over-priced, framed degree on your wall works… just let me know, k?

God, help the addicts and alcoholics and their families who still suffer find their way to You… 

You Will Not Fail

   
     “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. There are those, too, with grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.”
– Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 58

   
     So trust in God, do the right thing, follow your heart…
   
     And you will not fail.


God, teach me how to properly love and accept myself so that I may better love and accept others and do Your work well…

God, help me to let go of my fear, anger and resentment, that I may embrace Your principles of love, patience, compassion and courage…


God, give me the power and the willingness to do anything it takes to grow spiritually…


God, help me to become more honest…


God, please bring me the opportunity to help others…

God, make me a better person today…

God, keep me close to You today…

God, please help us all to heal ourselves and find our way to You…

God, take our will and make it Your own…

Never Give Up

     My loving but sad father died prematurely from early-onset dementia. To be more accurate, my Dad was an untreated, depressed alcoholic who gave up. His spiritual malady became organic and gradually his brain turned on itself and began degenerating. Once that process starts, the result is terminal. But in his death, my father teaches us drug addicts and alcoholics two invaluable lessons.

     One is human responsibility. We must never forget that nobody and nothing outside of ourselves is responsible for who we are. We bear full responsibility for taking care of ourselves, for our success and for our failure. We mold ourselves into men and women or moral character and strength or into Godless dens of iniquity and wilting leaves of cowardice. The choice is most certainly ours to make.

     The other lesson from my father is that we must never give up. Never. The people who get better are people who absolutely refuse to give up. Their resolve to change and grow is as firm as it gets. Why is it so important to never give up? Because resolve and courage are what facilitate miracles. Those of us who don’t give up are those who God touches. God comes into those who truly desire to change and who will do ANYTHING to get better. God restores to sanity those of us who refuse to roll over. He then fills us with the strength and power to do His will.

     Don’t let the brainwashed, mainstream puppets out there tell you that the Step process only works for some, or that God is simply a belief system that only fixes some, or that you will always be fighting to stay sober, or that relapse is part of recovery, or that harm reduction is a solution. These are notions of the minions and shills of the pharmaceutical elite. They even teach this stuff now to students of psychology, mental health, and social work. These programs have seemingly been co-opted, if you will, by the APA, which has itself been co-opted by the pharmaceutical brass and their marketers and advertisers. Don’t waste your money like I did. I’ve helped many more people as a recovered junkbox than I have with my ridiculous college degree. So watch out for the flimsy ideas of the Establishment. Dangerous stuff, to be sure.

     We must never forget that it is GOD who fills us with serenity and peace within… not ourselves.

God, please give me the power and willingness to never give up… 

Addiction Is a Spiritual Problem

     Addiction is a spiritual problem.

     Yes, I understand there are physical and mental components, but these elements manifest themselves after we have become spiritually ill. Addiction is a symptom of spiritual malady. That is the truth, regardless of what anyone may say.

     Before moving on to the solution, it is imperative to explain the mental component to better help non-addicts truly understand what it’s like to be an addict. The mental problem we have is why once we get sober, we cannot stay that way. People have to understand that there is nothing that can stop us from using once that switch goes off in our heads, even if we’ve been sober for months and months at a time. This is what it means to have no power, to have lost the power of choice. Perhaps a brief anecdote may help to describe the curious phenomenon of having a broken mind, if you will.

     Years ago, while working in Boston, I writhed in bed for days like a coward before finally kicking OxyContin and heroin. I withdrew all substances from my body and was totally clean and sober. About five days later, as I began to feel better, I remember having a conversation with myself as I drove home from work. I was done. I knew it in my heart. I went over my entire life and came to grips with the tragedy, loss and heartache my addiction had caused everyone around me. I felt strong and confident. I wanted a better life. I committed to never going back. I was done for good.

     Then the phone rang.

     It was my one of my dealers.

     This you must understand: As soon as the phone rang, for all intents and purposes, the car drove itself off of Storrow Drive and straight to my dealer’s house. I didn’t think for a split second. I couldn’t. Why? Because it was just a reflex at that point. I saw my caller ID and the entire 20-minute conversation I had with myself seconds before just vanished into thin air and I ripped the steering wheel around and sped to his house without a single thought entering my head (except what’s the quickest route?). And please don’t mistake my phone or the dealer’s number as a trigger, because it’s not. Breathing is the only trigger. If the dealer didn’t call, I wouldn’t have made it out of the city anyway. The phone is irrelevant.

     To note, what I just described was purely a mental phenomenon and had nothing to do with the physical disease of addiction, or rather, the physical compulsions associated with addiction. The ‘disease’ portion of our addiction only manifests AFTER we begin using. When we are completely sober, what occurs is purely mental (and spiritual, of course).

     And that, my friends, is the mental obsession. We have no defense against it. Trust me, no doctor, pill, therapy session, call from a sponsor or relapse prevention program can do anything at all once an obsession of this sort manifests itself in our minds. That is a type of insanity that cannot be fought and conquered by any human force. We are completely, utterly defenseless. That is addiction. That is why we can’t stay sober. We go insane.

     So what is the solution?

     If our problem is spiritual than so must be our solution.

     The solution is spiritual action, or practically speaking, SERVICE. The very moment we become other-centered is the very moment we begin to change and recover permanently (mentally, not physically, as we will never be safe from actually drinking or using drugs of any sort. Our bodies are permanently damaged). But the secret to addiction is service, which is why the entire Western medical community has no clue how to treat it. They try and they try but they just can’t seem to crack it. Plus there’s no financial incentive in telling drug addicts to simply give of themselves. But if we really want to get better and truly change, we have to serve others instead of ourselves. Service is the SILVER BULLET. Best thing for addicts, by far.

     And why does spiritual action and service work? Because with each right action, we are brought closer to God. And GOD, of course, can heal anybody of anything.

Want To Stop But Can’t

     As I stood, emaciated and dope-sick, staring into the broken bathroom mirror of the shithole real estate office I worked for, I finally wanted to change but had reached the point of no return. When you want to stop but can’t, that’s when you know you’re screwed. No hope, no will, no energy, no power… and worst of all, no solution. I’d already tried every imaginable remedy to get better and fix myself but failed miserably every time. I tried therapy, pills, relationships, traveling, jobs, herbs, homeopathy, self-help books, AA & NA meetings, and on and on.

     I drank and used for fifteen years until I was sick, spiritless, incoherent, numb and careless. My depression was so great that it wouldn’t let me go. It was like I had fallen in wet cement and woke up one day to find myself immovable. Officially unsalvagable.
     It was only because I was financially broke that I finally dragged myself to detox. Once physically sober, I decided to go up North, but that was mainly because my wife, mother, and some bitter social worker lady wouldn’t stop bitching at me. So to shut everyone up, I went. Perhaps I knew deep inside that if I walked out of detox, I was a dead man. Or maybe it was a simple case of divine intervention.
     It wasn’t long before my entire attitude changed. After meeting a recovered addict for the first time, I not only wanted to change, but for the first time in my life, I became willing to do anything it took to accomplish that. No thought, feeling, relationship, circumstance or life event was going to stop me, regardless of how dark or horrifying.
     So my advice to addicts is: At some point it will really help your cause if you WANT to change. I believe with all my heart that if we truly want to change and are willing to go to any lengths, the universe will conspire to bring us opportunities to make that happen. God is there for us… we just need to get over ourselves and then humbly and wholeheartedly ask Him for help.
     I was reading Proof of Heaven the other night and it amazed me that the same thought came into my head as I faced death. In 1996, after being hit by a drunk driver plowing the wrong way down the highway, I regained consciousness some two days later in the ICU unit at Mass General. I couldn’t move or see. I knew something was terribly wrong. After realizing my predicament, the first thought that went through my head was, God help me. I suppose the Big Book is right when it says that God or God-consciousness is simply fundamental to our make-up as human beings.

God, please teach me to let go of Self…

Pills & Science Can’t Help Addicts

     “We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of moral psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholics, but its application presented difficulties beyond our conception. With our ultra-modern standards, our scientific approach to everything, we are perhaps not well equipped to apply the powers of good that lie outside our synthetic knowledge.” -Alcoholics Anonymous, The Doctor’s Opinion, xxvii

     Translation: You cannot fix an alcoholic or an addict without fixing him morally and spiritually. Pills and science cannot change addicts, turn them into better people, make them act right, or give them what they truly need to effect lasting recovery. Does taking a pill give you meaning and purpose? Do taking a pill give you principles and morals? Do taking a pill give you God? Nope. There is utterly no hope for alcoholics and drug addicts to get better if mainstream treatment methods and attitudes continue pumping medication as the solution.

     Believe it or not, there are doctors out there who specifically treat drug addicts. I know of one. In fact, he asked me to work for him at one point, running groups in Brookline to supplement his program of methadone, suboxone, seroquel, clonodine and God knows what else. His mission is to prescribe for drug addicts. I don’t know about you, but I didn’t get sober to become a puppet or a guinea pig. Let’s just have a look at that phrase again:

     Prescribe for drug addicts.

     Huh???

     Addicts or alcoholics who go to one of these guys or to some pain clinic have either a) run out of money but are still trying to get high or b) are trying to appear to their families or spouses that they are working on themselves but are getting high at the same time, which isn’t possible. You can’t work on yourself in any way, shape or form while jammed on some elaborate cocktail of mind-altering drugs. Try writing a thorough, honest and insightful inventory after re-wiring your brain with methadone, suboxone or some insane psychotropic. Better yet, try praying or meditating. That should be fun.

     Why do you think the DSM was created?
   
     Psychiatry has, of course, been co-opted by the pharmaceutical industry and the government. It seems like they want every man, woman and especially child in America to be medicated to the hilt. I personally don’t believe it ends with the pharmaceutical industry and speculate the agenda is deeper and perhaps more devious. It’s the same with our educational system as well as our monetary system. Needless to say, healthy economies don’t run on massive debt bubbles. Healthy economies run on savings and production, not debt, taxes and consumption.

     We passively agree and believe what we see and hear on TV, but the truth is that we are being medicated, manipulated, dumbed down and fleeced economically. Yes, I know that is off-topic, but it is so important to our future that we begin to wake up to the de facto banana republic that we are blindly endorsing. We owe it to our children and our grandchildren to change course. Mark my words, a storm is coming…

God, please keep me close to You today…

Illusions of Psychiatry (Article)
Doping Kids with Ritalin (Article)
Ritalin Use for ADHD Children Soars Fourfold (Article)
Raising the Ritalin Generation (Article)
Unhinged – The Trouble with Psychiatry (Book)
Anatomy of an Epidemic (Book)
Deliberate Dumbing Down of America (Site & Link to PDF)

Caution! AA Sponsor Approaching

My job as a sponsor: Hook you up with God and then get out of the way.

Action to Take: The Twelve Steps as they are laid out in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Not my job as a sponsor: Call you, Drag you to meetings, Take you out bowling on Saturday night, Talk to you for hours on end about your problems and feelings.

Am I your friend? No.

Will we become friends? Perhaps, if and when you recover.

Will I ever tell you to do something that I haven’t done myself? No.

Will I make decisions for you? No.

Will I tell you what colored socks to wear? No.

Should people who haven’t taken Steps and recovered become sponsors? Absolutely not.

Do they? All the time, unfortunately.

Why shouldn’t they become sponsors? Because their advice might actually kill you.

God, please take my will and make it Your own. Teach me how to be useful to others…

Spiritual Realm

     Is there a spiritual realm?

     Yes. There is without a doubt much more happening than we can see, hear, or touch.

     As I knelt down to pray one night up North, I was touched by something beyond comprehension. The scope of Its power is something I can’t even fathom. It cannot be described or measured. It is beyond man-made definitions, boundaries and conceptions. It is beautiful, mystical, and unexplainable. And in a single moment, it freed me from the lifelong chains of fear, anger, sadness, depression and emptiness.

     So why spoil something that we fragile, flawed, and fleeting humans can barely handle? We have to box everything, define everything, describe everything, own everything, and assert doctrines, codes and creeds as if they are absolute and come from this Power. Who are we to define and possess God? Who are we to fight over God?

     Forgive me, but it feels like some of our man-made conceptions of God seem rather silly, if not altogether ridiculous. Trying to ‘create’ God, if you will, with our limited brains and faculties appears to me to be a fruitless endeavor. How can we define something that we cannot truly understand or comprehend?

     Unfortunately, God is such a loaded word, which is why I had to look beyond words and symbols, buildings and rituals, traditions and doctrines. I had to look beyond human capacity. Not to exude jade towards organized, mass worship, but when you have a mind-bending spiritual experience, man-made anything goes out the window.

     So what is this great Power that people try endlessly to define? The truth is that I have absolutely no idea. Question: Would there be so much petty religious violence if we all admitted that we have no clue? Isn’t it more a show of humility to say ‘yes’ to getting underneath something but ‘no’ to defining and possessing It? Are we really so very special?

     The truth: I don’t know what God is. I don’t know His depths or limits, other than to assume that He is limitless and well beyond the boundaries of space and time. Therefore, why should I have the arrogance to think that I understand God? I don’t have a clue, and I’m pretty sure nobody else does either. Perhaps some of us have meditated long enough to have a slightly deeper glimpse into the spirit world, but those are men and women who have done more work on themselves than 99% of us could even conceive of.

    One thing I do believe now is that God can do anything God wants, whenever it wants to. My advice is to get on the right side of that trade, if you will.

Relapse Is Unthinkable

   “Once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.” -Alcoholics Anonymous, xxix

     “‘Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them.'” – Alcoholics Anonymous, p.27

     I’ve been trying to pound the pavement lately and get my book onto the bookshelves. Sure this is an act of self-will, yet my gut is telling me to go and do it.

     Why did I write the book? Initially, I wanted people to know that you don’t have to get sober and fight through each day. I wanted people to have the spiritual experience I had, to feel that relief and freedom. I also selfishly wanted to initiate a writing career. After being railroaded out of the taxpayer-funded recovery school (i.e. another public trough leech) by a power-hungry director with NPD, I was determined to work for myself. I wanted to be a writer and ideally to help others in the act. Finally, I want the book to sell. For profit? Not necessarily, as I was well aware of how impoverishing a writing career can be. The margins are horrible and I’ve only lost money to this point. But if the book caught fire and did make money, my vision was to start a treatment center roughly modeled after the 12 Step retreat up North that fixed me.

     That has yet to happen, but I have learned something over the last 8 years. Having worked as a chef, counselor, educator, actor, writer, landlord, trader and investor, one thing remains true: Working with others and speaking to others fills me up spiritually like nothing else. And this is why relapse is unthinkable. Because, above all else, my #1 priority in life is my relationship with God, my spiritual health, and the health and recovery of others. So long as that is the case, relapse is unthinkable.

     Since the night I read inventory up North back in 2005, my mind has remained fundamentally changed. From that moment on, not a single thought/desire to drink or use has penetrated my better half. Not only have substances lost all of the power they once had over me, but I naturally repel them. And my old life and my old way of thinking seems more like a past life, or even someone else’s life, rather than my own. Relapse is unthinkable because I can’t even remember what it’s like to think the way I used to.

     The moment that helping others no longer fills me up, I am done. The moment I stop putting my spiritual health and my relationship with God above everything, I am done. Relapse is unthinkable until the moment I stop caring.

Is The Coffee Pot Your Higher Power?

     “We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we recovered is the main purpose of this book.” From Alcoholics Anonymous, xiii, Forward to the First Edition.


     Interesting that the preamble in many AA meetings today comes from page 25 or page 58 of the Big Book, as if the program starts there. Maybe that’s why so few recover from modern-day AA groups and quasi-12 Step treatment programs.
     The one and only time I introduced myself as a “recovered” alcoholic at a local meeting, about 40 or 50 heads whipped around and stared me down angrily. You’re not supposed to use the word “recovered” in AA now, even though the first line of AA’s Big Book (1939) couldn’t be more clear: “Alcoholics Anonymous – The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women have Recovered from Alcoholism.”
     If I never opened up the book written by AA’s co-founders, I would have (sadly) forever caste myself as being ‘recovering’ or ‘in recovery’. I would have always been recovering and never recovered. Sure, I was ‘in recovery’ as I left detox and embarked on the Steps. But as I began to take action and grow spiritually, my mind was made sane again and I no longer suffered from the insanity of alcoholism. I no longer had to worry about picking up a drink or any other temptation. From that moment on, I have been recovered.
     Sure if I were to stop growing and begin hurting others, I could then re-enter non-recovered territory. And yes, I know that I am always one drink away from detox, and that I will forever have ZERO power of alcohol. But I also know this: If I need to drive around all day going from meeting to meeting after 20 years of sobriety, there is definitely something wrong with my program. AA was intended to free the alcoholic or drug addict from their insanity. AA is a spiritual program of action that lifts the mental obsession and puts us into contact with God.
     Today, sponsors in watered-down, spiritually sick AA groups will tell newcomers to just make their Higher Power the group of people in the meeting. ‘G.O.D.’ refers to Group Of Drunks, as if a group of drunks can keep a chronic, hopeless alcoholic sober. One time I listened to a speaker tell the group that she just makes her Higher Power the coffee pot. Some sound advice: Don’t make your Higher Power the coffee pot at your home group. And you also might run into some trouble making your Higher Power the rims on your car, the knocker on your door, your new iphone, or the 52-inch TV in your living room (a popular one).
     Bottom line: Chronic, hopeless alcoholics and addicts can and do recover and live a lifetime of freedom, peace and happiness. The difference is that those who are free have taken Steps as they are laid out in the Big Book, the original AA textbook. The Big Book, contrary to what we might hear before the raffle at our local AA meeting, is not just a collection of stories. It describes the specific 12 Step process in detail. It lays out clear-cut directions on how to take these Steps and recover from “a seemingly hopeless condition of mind and body.” (Ibid.)
God, I am still and I know…